A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend is an ardent feminist who strongly advocates that all women should be totally independent, financially and otherwise. I agree with her but difficulties have arisen lately. Two weeks ago, she found a Playboy magazine in my room and went through the roof. She considers all pornography exploitative and hates men who look at the stuff. She hasn't spoken to me or returned any of my calls since she found the mag. Any suggestions on what I can do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2008): You need to talk to her. If one half of a couple has a problem, the other half sometimes would do well to engage with it, even if you don't think pornography exploitative yourself. Personally I share her view - but that's what it is - aview.
A
male
reader, WiredReds  +, writes (18 September 2008):
Go to her, even if she keeps the door closed, she can still hear you. Apologize up and down. Beg for forgiveness. And tell her it's pure fantasy. Suggest that you two produce your own photo and video sessions. Then she will be more than pleased to see you yanking your crank to those vids and pix.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2008): i was in the same position as your girlfriend but my bf was watching porn when i was away i found out and was very mad so i don't blame your gf one bit,if you think there's no harm in watching porn or looking at magazines and wacking off to them then you obviously don't think she's that important in your life guess she just never found the right one!
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A
female
reader, lexilou  +, writes (15 September 2008):
 By heck those playboy girls have probably got more money than you and me put together. They are not as stupid as some might think but are selling their assets and turning their bodies into goldmines. If they have to sleep with a few men or hugh heffner on the way that is their choice, they are being business minded and strong!! I couldnt do it but hey at the end of the day if they are getting paid for it and for looking like that they are strong independent financially secure young women. Tell your girlfriend she needs to mature a little bit more x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2008): I wouldn't class Playboy as pornography for a start!
As for what you can do, I'd strongly suggest you take yourself off to the nearest pub, get yourself a pint of Guinness and tell all your mates what a control freak she is - and why.
Her reaction is totally OTT and I'd say leave some other guy, preferably a priest, to deal with her tantrums. You've had a lucky escape.
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A
female
reader, miss know it all +, writes (15 September 2008):
This girl obviously has insecurities about herself and that is why she is acting this way, she is acting like an immature little girl its not like you have cheated is it. You are going to have to reach some sort of agreement about this as its going to put alot of strain on your relationship with her in the future. Just tell her you enjoy looking through magazines like that occasionaly i really dont see why she shouls have a problem with it. If shs going to act like that with everu man she meets then shes not going to be in relationships very long is she because most men like that kind of thing. I hope this advice helps you resolve your differences for the future. Good luck
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2008): Sorry to tell you, but her over the top ideas on feminism are going to cause more troubles in the future than just your looking at Playboy. She is going to want to be so independent that a marriage, if it comes to that, would be more like a business partnership than a marriage.
While I agree completely that women should be able to be independent and be treated the same as men with relationship to everything, a partnership is about being together and not about being as independent as possible.
Women who think that they should receive equal pay and equal chances in business and life are absolutely correct and should be treated equally. However, from your brief description, it seems like she is carrying this to the extreme. If this the case, then forget about ever being able to discuss differences intelligently and compromising on them. My advice is to get out now, unless I have gotten the wrong impression of what you are saying. Perhaps you could clarify how her ideas have affected other parts of your relationship.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2008): Shes immature and acting like a child im 18 the love of my life is 20 if i caught him looking at porn id join in lol
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A
male
reader, saltwater +, writes (15 September 2008):
 Well you need to give her time to calm down.
However, if she is not going to accept that you like looking/watching at pornography -- be it Playboy or hardcore videos -- and flies into a rage every time then your relationship isn't going to work unless you can both come to some compromise or understanding.
"She considers all pornography exploitative and hates men who look at the stuff."
She must hate a lot of men then. We can empathize that women are exploited in porn (the main point of her argument I suspect) but so too are the men; they just don't realise yet.
Give her time to calm down, then explain that you want to look at Playboy and/or any other material. Maybe agree that you will keep such material private so she can never find it.
You will need to reach an agreement...otherwise your relationship will be heavy going in future.
Take care
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