A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have lived with my girlfriend for 5 years. We have both decided against getting married and have no children (she doesnt want any). Everything has been steady and we have always got on. Over the past 6 months she has got into a twice weekly girls only night out set up. One of her friends has clearly taken a dislike to me. I am now listening to how her friend thinks she can do a lot better than me/ I have no class/ I have no ambition etc etc. Comments like "everyone thinks I am going nowhere" "she reckons I am not good enough for her" "no one else will ever want me" etc. Everything was alright until this friend of hers came along. Now she has started going on dating sites in front of my face and telling me how there`s far better than me out there, but better the devil she knows. I have tried to get deeper and find out what`s with the sudden dissatisfaction but she just laughs and says dont worry I am not going to leave you. What do people make of all this?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2013): if she is such a catch like she thinks she is, then why does she have to go on dating sites? think about it.
A
female
reader, N joY +, writes (7 February 2013):
Do not waste your time trying to discuss anything with someone who thinks that they are better than you. Get a better girlfriend. You should be planning on getting away. Do not even think about mentioning marriage to her. Be grateful you never got married.
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A
female
reader, thinkb4  +, writes (7 February 2013):
At this stage, I would nor recommend you even discuss marriage with her again. I think you are the one who`s getting bad treatment and you are the one who should now be seeing what your options are.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2013): I see you have stated that neither of you want to get married so I have read your problem carefully. In any case, even if she has changed her mind about that, then "do not" marry her. You have seen what she is capable of. There are two of you in this, not just her. Think of yourself too.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2013): Are you interested in marriage?
Is she interested in marriage?
You have had five years to seal the deal with her. Since you haven't, maybe she has decided it is time to see what her options are.
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A
male
reader, idoneitagain  +, writes (7 February 2013):
Firstly, I can imagine that what she is doing would be experienced by you as hurtful, even cruel. She is not being mindful of how hurtful it would be, for the person you are with to to turn to you and say, there's better out there than you, you're nothing special, and I'm on dating sites looking at what else might be out there, but don't worry I won't leave you....
Have you thought about what she might be trying to achieve by telling you this?
To me, it seems like she is either testing you to see how you will respond, or she is trying to communicate something to you, something like "I love you but I want you to pick up your game" or "I want something from you that I'm not getting."
If my partner came to me and did this, sent me a message that I wasn't good enough but that she wasn't going to leave me, I would like my response would be:
"Why not? Why not leave me? If I'm not good enough, why would you want to stay with me? Or if you wanted to stay, why wouldn't you tell me what you don't like about me so that we might have an opportunity to make things better? Why aren't you doing anything positive about the situation? Also, I don't want to be with someone who doesn't think I am good enough for them. I want to be with someone who thinks I am really great for them. If that's the case, I'm not sure its a good idea for me to be with you. It's probably a good idea for us to think about what we really want and don't want and then tell each other how we feel. Let me think about it."
If you're going to make a statement like this, its important not to break up with her, and to give you both time to think about it, and then talk about it.
The question remains, if she genuinely doesn't think you are good enough for her, do you really want to stay with her? She might just be reacting to the peer pressure from her friends, but understand that your relationship could end over all of this. Your best chance is to talk about it, hopefully you are both able to talk about it because this is probably not an easy conversation.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2013): Her friend see`s you as a danger. She is scared that you may take her friend away and she`ll have no one to go clubbing with. Your girlfriend is too silly to see what is going on and is blinded by her b^^^^^hit. Let your girlfriend learn her own lesson, because that friend of hers will not stick around when she finds better fun somewhere else along the way. Believe me, it will happen. I hope you have lots of great times ahead of you and you meet someone soon.
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A
male
reader, Byron Temple  +, writes (6 February 2013):
It looks like she`s heading for a really nasty downfall. With the way she has treated you, I would not be the one to pick her up. Her friends motives, whatever they are, are not being done with good intention for your friend. A lot would say it`s going to serve her right. Find someone better. She`s probably far more suited to a dating site.
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A
male
reader, anon_e_mouse +, writes (6 February 2013):
 Oh, and if she should ever come back tell her to get lost. She's getting out there because you're not good enough for her (in her eyes). If it all goes wrong and she suddenly realises she made a mistake, that's her problem.
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A
male
reader, anon_e_mouse +, writes (6 February 2013):
Sorry to say it my friend but you are out. She's telling you this to get rid. Take the hint and just move on. No shouting and no arguing. Just leave her and get out there and date other women.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (6 February 2013):
 If she is going on dating sites in front of you saying there are better guys for her than you, she's taunting you to break up with her.
I would do it.
Move out. go NO CONTACT.... if this is due to her friend's bad influence, this may shake her up enough to figure out what she really wants.
Is it possible she wants marriage even without children?
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A
male
reader, hyt +, writes (6 February 2013):
Your girlfriends life is a fantasy. Dump her. It sounds like she is already making plans to dump you.
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A
male
reader, somewhere_between +, writes (6 February 2013):
 She thinks she can do better, yet she has to scrape the barrel by going on a dating site. You Would be better granted her friends wish and leaving her. A good dose of real life will be the best thing for her.
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A
female
reader, delightful84 +, writes (6 February 2013):
I have seen friends like her too. She needs someone to hang out with. You are a threat because she needs your girlfriend. If she was successful in breaking you up, then the moment she herself meets a new guy, she will drop your girlfriend like hot coal. If I was you, I would let your girlfriend learn the hard way. You, in turn, will meet someone who`s far less easily swayed, and who`s in touch with reality.
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (6 February 2013):
 Hi
Sounds like the 'friend' wants a playmate to go out on the pull with.She is drip feeding your girlfriend with all this garbage and your girlfriend is listening, believing and acting on it.
If I was you I would dump her,tell her to go find 'somebody better'.If dating sites are her only option she is living in cloud cuckoo land.
Your the one who will find somebody ALOT better and when you do she will realise exactly what she lost.
Good Luck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2013): if she thinks there is better than you, then it's a joke if she thinks she will find it on a dating site. her friend is either jealous because she has the one thing she is longing for, and that is a relationship. i cannot rule out that her friend secretly has the hots for you. either way, i think your girlfriend is in need of a harsh lesson.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2013): I think she needs to watch her critical friend. I have a suspicion that her real motive behind this may surprise her. As for you, I really dont know why you are putting up with it. It is abuse and her being on a dating site is showing you the deepest disrespect. I would not bow to the try and communicate brigade. Women like her dont listen and have a tendency to see it from their own eyes only. I would leave her to her so called friend and dating site. You are the one who could do far better.
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A
male
reader, bronzed adonis +, writes (6 February 2013):
 She is not in touch with reality. I think you are the one who could do far better. I think the dating site is an even bigger kick in the teeth, than her having to tell you her what her equally unrealistic friend says and thinks. I would walk out of this if I was you.
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A
female
reader, Jeanette82 +, writes (6 February 2013):
 Your girlfriend is insecure. If she thinks you are not good enough then find someone more down to earth and in touch with reality. Her `friend` has a motive. She is not a real friend to her and is likely to let her down in the end. to be honest, in your situation I would pack your things. You are the one who can do better. If she thinks there is better for her on dating sites, then it shows just how unrealistic she really is.
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A
female
reader, Ilha  +, writes (6 February 2013):
Dear OPI think you have every reason to be worried about the situation you are in.It is a 5 year old relationship, definitely the sparks that were there in the initial part of the relationship have weaned off. It is a phase all couples, married or not go through. You could do the following:1. Discuss with her what is lacking in the relationship you are both in. If she says that there is nothing lacking, then you need to proceed to number 2...2. Discuss her need to go into dating sites. Dating sites are for people looking for potential lovers, boyfriends etc.3. Tell her you are not happy with her visiting such sites. React to any of her responses calmly. No point getting all worked up at this stage.4. Ask her what is it about you that is not longer good enough for her.5. Ask her what would make the current relationship with you stronger and better.6. Do not forget to discuss your needs and expectations too.The above guide would help you examine your situation better and therefore help not only you but her to make a decision about the future of your relationship. Hope I have helped you in some way. Good luck and all the best....
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A
male
reader, DV1 +, writes (6 February 2013):
 She's insane. Get out of that relationship, because she's trying to get you to break up with her. You can do better. She thinks that you're insecure. It's time that you find someone who wants you for you, and isn't insecure herself. Find someone who makes you laugh, not someone who's going to make you insecure and stressed... I'd tell her if it's your place to pack her stuff up and get out. Time to man up and get back into the hunt...
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