A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello.Just wondering if I could get some advice please.I met a woman on a dating site and she told me she has not had sex with anyone for over 6 years. She told me she did not bother due to being cheated on in a previouse relationship.I thought this was great because there was no one else on the scene.We dated for about 6 months and even moved into a rented home together.Unfortunatley it now turns out this 6 year sex free gap was a load of rubbish and she use to meet up with a work collegue for sex. No dating just sex.I also found out she slept with a guy who she met on the dating site just 6 weeks before me. Turns out she had nothing in common with him and slept with him after knowing him only 6 hours.She says I am the love of her life but she has lied to me our whole relationship.Should I trust her ?.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2009): I found out in the worst way possible. We where making love and halthway through she just got all weird and started to cry.I asked her whats wrong and she said "it will break us up as a couple". I then re-asked whats wrong and she told me she slept with more men than originaly told and one was a guy who she only knew 6 hours 3 months before me.We are stll broken up but she keeps texting me and sending me letters through the mail saying she cant live without me etc. She even said she doesnt want to live anymore without me.I have told her we can stay friends for now but she still wants more.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2009): It sounds like you made the right call moving out. These two comments really leap out at me "She would always tell me I was being paranoid and maybey I should go talk to someone prefeshionally.""She even swore to god and on her own life I knew everything. Unfortunatley its not the truth."You didn't really answer my question as to how you found out about her past, did she own up or did you find out some other way. But I think I'm starting to get the picture anyway.All I wanted to say now is try not to let it get you down too much. You WILL get through this. It will eventually all be over and you'll be able to put it behind you. Just hang in there until then.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2009): Well I did break up with her and moved out but she keeps coming over to my house and telling me I am the love of her life etc.Originaly she took me to a romantic spot to tell me she has not been with anyone for over 6 years. She told me I was her 5th lover (not all propper relationships either, two one night stands). I am now told I am lover no.7.Its not the number of guys but more the context of how she slept with them i.e only knew him 6 hours etc. :(I realy do love her but I dont know if we can make a relationship work with the things that I know about her past.What hurts the most is the lies. If she told me from the beginning I could come to terms with it. I always knew there was something else she was keeping from me so I gave her loads of chances to tell me.She would always tell me I was being paranoid and maybey I should go talk to someone prefeshionally.She even swore to god and on her own life I knew everything. Unfortunatley its not the truth.I want to trust her again but how can I belive anything she tells me now ?Sometimes I wish I was someone else :(
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2009): oh boy, Grimm, your famous line is needed here- KICK her to the curb. Lying deliberately is a NO NO. simple. no fuss. get straght to the point and get rid of her. seems like she will open them legs for just about anyone and this should make you run, far far away from her. having a past os one thing, lying about it is another. so do the only thing you can and run a mile. Trust , what trust. i am sure she can't even spell that word.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2009): How did you find out about the lies? Did she come clean or did you have to hear it from someone else? If she came clean I personally would be prepared to let it go, if everything else in the relationship was great AND she was honest with you in all other areas. As was already mentioned she may have kept her past from you from fear of how you might react. But I think the key questions are is this the only thing she's been dishonest about, or is she dishonest about other things too? And did she admit to lying of her own accord, or did she only come clean when she got caught?I think if she came clean of her own accord then you could go either way. I think you would be perfectly justified walking away, and I also would understand if you forgave her and stayed with her. It's up to you. A good heart to heart seems in order. Tell her how her dishonesty has made you feel, and that if you are to have a future together then complete honesty is vital, and nothing she may have done in the past could hurt you more than her lying about it.I wish you well.
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A
female
reader, sunnycomet  +, writes (21 October 2009):
 Wow, that's quite the lie. Have you talked to her about it? Is she willing to change and stop lying? Would you be able to forgive her even if she did change? Whether you go back to her is up to you. There is no wrong or right answer here. Follow your heart AND your head.
Good Luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2009): When I met my wife, she told me about her past including the one-night-stand she had one night when she was drunk. She was honest from day one. It’s been four years since we met and we are now married with a lovely daughter that is almost two. To this date, I have never caught her in a lie.
My best advice to you would be to find someone who is willing to risk it all for the truth. In your shoes, I would walk away from this relationship. She will lie to you again if she ever fears that telling you the truth would lead to a break up.
Best of luck.
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A
male
reader, GrimmReality  +, writes (21 October 2009):
 NO!
Just read this...that is all you need to know
When considering a relationship of any kind, practice the Rule of Threes regarding the claims and promises a person makes, and the responsibilities he or she has. One lie, one broken promise or a single neglected responsibiltiy may be a misunderstanding instead. Two may involve a serious mistake. But three lies says you're dealing with a liar, and deceit is the lynchpin of conscienceless behavior. Cut your losses and get out as soon as you can. Leaving, though it may be hard, will be easier now than later, and less costly. Do not give your money, your work, your secrets or your affection to a three-timer. Your valuable gifts will be wasted.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (21 October 2009):
You need to take this slowly. Se may have lied because it she felt worried about your reaction or she feels ashamed. Take it slow, trust her and get to know her and see where it goes from there.
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