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female
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anonymous
writes: Am I in a String Along Relationship?I've been dating my on/off girlfriend (we're both in our 30's) for 2.5 years. We started out as friends, but she pursued to date me (I'm female and date women, she never had), and succeeded after many months to convince me we'd be "good" together. I had my reservations, but I'd fallen in love with her. After countless break ups/make ups, she came to me last month and said she's decided I'm "The ONE". She said she will tell everyone, wants us to move in together, then get married. Please note, she has emotional problems (anger problems/depression, maybe bipolar), and this greatly affects our relationship. I've asked her to get help and even offered to go with her, but she doesn't listen, and now she's over-medicating herself, which makes her behavior very erratic. It's been 2 weeks since she came to me with her "promises," but she's already acting in the same old wayr--canceling plans, not telling people about us, saying she's "too depressed" to hang out, being rude, insensitive, and hurtful to me, but also telling me she loves me. I don't understand this type of behavior! I love her a lot and I've stood by her, but I'm so heartbroken from her broken promises and her excuses. I'm not sure if what's affecting our relationship are her mental/emotional issues, or if she's just stringing me along? What shall I do?? :(
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your responses so far. I have asked my girlfriend to get some professional help and I even made the appointment for her, but she's not going to go, it sounds like. Yesterday, she called me up because she'd nearly over-dosed on her medication and was acting crazy. I calmed her down over the phone until she went to sleep, and then I got off the phone and cried for an hour. It hurts to see someone you love hurting, but it also hurts more when they won't help themselves, and in the process, hurt you, too. I'm so hurt by this person--I can't take it much longer. I think it's time I started to take steps to move away from this: it's already been ONE year since the last time she promised she'd get proper help, and it hasn't happened. Her behavior and treatment of me has only gotten worse--it can only go further downhill from here, isn't it?
A
female
reader, Adelaide +, writes (15 November 2006):
 you have been patient with this one!
My advise would be to reiterate what you have previously told her, you care, you think she should seek help, you will stand by her throughout the help process!
However, unless she is willing to seek help for herself im afraid to say she is just not ready yet.
You have to be honest and open and let her know that currently there is no future together at this present time, your concerns with the current issues she has in her life are more important to you than a relationship. Make her undersatnd the difference.
You also need her to know that whilst you will support her you cannot allow yourself to become emotionally drained you have your life to live and it is unfair and selfish of her to not realise the amount of worry she is currently causing.
If she is not ready to help herself in re shaping her future what chance have you got?
Be positive be supportive offer your assistance, if she refuses time and time again and will not seek help then my advice would be move on, you deserve some happiness too.
Good Luck and Kindest Regards
Adelaide
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A
female
reader, thenabear +, writes (15 November 2006):
 Oh dear you are in a mess. Hunny a relationship based on promises that are never kept is far from healthy or ok. You sound like a kind loving intelligent women. She sounds like she isn,t ready for the level this relationship is headed for. In same sex relationships especially for those who are discovering it later in life. It is confusing, even embarrasing to a point. Surley she cares what some family and freinds will think. SHe wouldn,t be normal if she didn,t. But if she really want's you . She needs to at some time brace herself for whatever may come. As far as her emotional issues. You did all you really could. You asked her to seek help. Offered to stand by her through it. She dropped the ball on that one. The over medicating. Is what I like to call drug abuse. You don,t need that in your life. It will only drag you down to. You can still love her and wish her the best. But if she is not willing to change you need to let her be. You don,t want to damage yourself by staying in it to long.
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