A
male
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I am in quite a new relationship with my girlfriend (just over 6 months) and things have been going well. Although recently she has started to decorate my bedroom with photographs, love letters and little trinkets. It is sweet, do not get me wrong, but it is my space and I feel a bit suffocated surrounded by it all. If I were to take them down she would get upset and wonder why, most likely thinking that I am trying to hide our relationship and I would end up feeling guilty - when really I just feel infiltrated as my space do not feel like my own. I am not embarrassed by it, but other people have judged me for some of the things if they come into my room and that makes me uncomfortable and uneasy in what is supposed to be my sanctuary. I am not sure what to do, because no matter what I tell her, even if it is the truth, she will get upset. She is very sensitive and I know I will hurt her feelings. Any advice? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Roboaxe  +, writes (22 January 2017):
 Maybe meet her halfway? Keep the smaller things just so she doesn't think you're embarrassed by her.
...And the other more sneaky option is to put everything up when she's around and take it down when she's not. But that is really annoying.
A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (22 January 2017):
 I agree with Aunty BimBim's approach.
My opinion though is her decorating your room is not entirely innocent. She is extending her boundaries to include your space and doing it in a way she expects will make you look mean and unreasonable for resisting. That's not to say she's EVIL or anything, but she knows she's crossing the line.
Understand, OP, that 'sensitive people' are highly manipulative people. Once they realise those around them are unmoved by their delicate feelings, and it doesn't take them long to figure this out, they settle down.
Think of the young child who falls off his bike, skins his knee but manages to walk home without shedding a tear. He doesn't cry until he sees him mum, who he knows will comfort him. He's not being manipulative to squeeze favours from his mother, but the point is he IS able to hold it together when there is no one around to console him.
The same thing with your girlfriend, but she IS being manipulative because she's using her 'hurt', to guilt you into letting her take liberties you wouldn't let anyone else take.
Consider the long term. It's far too soon to be thinking of marriage but you may end up dating her for a year, or two or five. Is this how you want to spend all that time?
My advice is to adopt a polite but disinterested approach when it comes to her sensitivities. Tell her exactly what Aunty BimBim said. Be honest, brief but not curt, and be totally UNAPOLOGETIC.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2017): I would suggest telling her that maybe you want to keep the memories/pictures for yourself only? Maybe frame up a few pictures, that's nice and actually quite a sweet gesture. I mean i have a bf and i don't do that because hes a guy, he wouldn't want a full board of pictures of just me and him.. I know she probs happy with you and just want to like show you how happy she is. But honestly, decorating your place is just wow okay. I get where shes going but i think you could talk to her, pretty sure she won't take it the wrong. like i said, frame up a few picture, perhaps have a nice little album to collect up your pictures with her. im sure it'll be alright :)
...............................
A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (21 January 2017):
 Woah! I wouldn't like this after such a short time. Where do you live, with your parents or somewhere else?
Okay, so she is a sensitive girl, but that shouldn't be the deciding factor in any decision making.
Her "decorating" YOUR room, your space with all her girly furbelows might be an innocent act, but it could also be her marking and taking over your territory.
The suggestions of a special keepsake box is all very nice, but quite frankly I would just be saying "this is my room, that stuff is not my style, and I don't want my friends seeing it all in my room when they come over".
Its your space, and your space, especially at your age, has boundaries, don't let her manipulate you with her "sensitive" feelings.
...............................
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (21 January 2017):
 Pick out one or two "special" pictures of the pair of you together - or even take some new ones - and frame them to go on your wall or somewhere else appropriate in your room so that she doesn't think you are trying to hide her. That way, when your mates comes round, you can either choose to stand up to them and say "I like having a picture of us there" or you can even remove it for the duration of their visit (but don't forget to put it back afterwards!).
Then the rest of the stuff can be put away in your "special" box.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2017): Compromise. Tell her that although you love her and thank her for all her effort, that you would rather you have say in what your room looks like. BUT keep a couple of photo's hanging around to appease her. Do not drop her ideas altogether. There is a middle ground. Find it. And you will BOTH be happy. This is what relationships are all about. Compromise. Making your GF happy is just as important as making yourself happy, sometimes even more so. Just remember, girls are very sensitive and their feelings can be hurt easily so tread lightly and be gentle and loving with her.
...............................
A
female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (21 January 2017):
 does she trust you or does she think that you be inviting other girls to your room also? it is ok for her to decorate her own room like this if that what she likes, but it seems odd that she would do it to your room. i agree with the previous posters. get a nice box for it all, tell her you look in the box often. tell her you prefer your room to be more minimalist and also do not want to risk these keepsakes getting damaged or dusty by having them out on display. be nice about it but also be aware that this could be signs of jealous and controlling behaviour
...............................
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (21 January 2017):
 You have had great advice, just be honest with her, get everything in a memory box, tell her it is your room and you like your own space, you can also just say you don't want such a display off affection when your friends are around as it is not very manly. She may sulk but it is your bedroom not hers.
...............................
A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (21 January 2017):
 I think this really is a "girly" kind of thing like subconsciously marking her territory. I don't know of any guys that would do this sort of thing. Tell her politely but firmly that you appreciate her sentiments but it is your space and you would prefer to have your things there. Of course you can a picture or two of you together but don't let her take over. She may not be doing it intentionally...but then again..who knows? If she is very sensitive, no matter how kind you are you are probably going to upset her a little but sir..you need to stand up for yourself. If you can't talk to each other..then its going to escalate into a far bigger problem. You could use a box as the lovely aunts suggested, or even a scrap album? It will give your lady something to do....and SHE can keep it. Good luck! Stand up for yourself though....
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2017): Display her pictures so she can see them; but the trinkets and other things can be kept in a very special keep-sake box.
Don't allow any young lady to mark their territory. Don't let her use girlish-manipulation to force you to let her takeover your space. Just be nice about it.
She forgets boys aren't openly sentimental like girls; and that doesn't mean you don't care, or you're hiding your relationship. It's not up to her to show you how to publicize your relationship, that's up to you. So she has to learn that some guys think for themselves, and she should respect you; as you should respect her.
...............................
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (20 January 2017):
 Tell her you have decided to turn your bedroom into your Man Cave. Get a couple "Man Cave items" (google it for ideas) maybe even a new paint job, then box up her stuff like Ivy suggested and you should be good to go.
...............................
A
female
reader, Ivyblue +, writes (20 January 2017):
 Oh dear. What about buying a huge big memory box. Not just a boring old shopping box, instead a decorative box that shows that you have an appreciative romantic side then collect all the 'stuff' and put it in there. You could tell her, or wait till she asks why, that you don't want to share her and your most intimate things with visitors to your room. Instead you want to keep them special, just for you. Just an idea, good luck
...............................
A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (20 January 2017):
 It is a bit full-on for only 6 months, but some people get attached quickly.
I'd suggest taking most of it down and putting it in a shoebox. When she asks, say you like keeping them all in one place, for you to look at privately. Then ask if she could put future ones in a scrapbook, so you can look at the memories in a safe place.
...............................
|
