A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm 25 and my boyfriend is 27. He's my first serious relationship since college and for some reason, I cry all the time which I've never done before.We have a great relationship but when there's even a slight issue, I cry. I don't cry on purpose, it just happens naturally and is annoying. I wish I didn't because it makes it seem like I'm trying to manipulate the situation with my tears and sometimes it causes him to give in or ends the conversation. Which is not fair to him, and frustrating for me.The other day, he commented that he needs me to react/talk calmly when we work things out. I said, I know, but it's just a natural reaction. I told him just give me some time alone to cry it out, and we can come back and discuss as two adults. However, I understand that sometimes situations need to be addressed right away. I don't want him to feel unable to share things with me or trust me, walk on eggshells, or feel like I cannot understand things. What can I do? The only thing I can think of is to let him know that it's just a physical reaction I can't help but just go with it. Perhaps sometimes I take things too personally or misunderstand at first (but maybe not), however I keep that in mind and it doesn't cloud my judgement. I'm always logical and calm as can be, but the flowing tears are distracting for the both of us. What should I do? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2017): Crying is an emotional-mechanism, sometimes a reflex. it is often involuntary; but it can also be a built-in means of manipulation. It's automatic, because it has worked for you time and time again. It's an immature reaction, and you can fight it.
It's your reaction to fear and intimidation. You have a deep-seated fear of losing your boyfriend when you disagree. You also fill with emotion; because you feel so angry that dealing with a guy, you feel out-matched. Funny, but I can relate to that feeling. Sometimes you feel people aren't understanding your point; and they are getting the better of the argument. Even if they're totally wrong. You also feel bad when you know their right, and embarrassment fills those leaky tear-ducts.
Learn to fight-back the tears, and have a backbone; right or wrong. Your feelings and opinions are valid. Arguments are necessary to stress a point, equalize your stance, and they require assertiveness in order for your point to be taken seriously.
If the situation is out of hand, step-back. Don't run, and don't be prissy and girly-girl every-time things get tough. For the most-part it is manipulative. It gives you an excuse to flee from a challenge, or to make the other person back-down.
Stop making excuses for it, and grow-up. Babies have a right to cry; because they can't express in words what's on their minds, or they're helpless. You're not helpless. You have a right to stand your ground, and you're not a weak person. You are sensitive and a caring person. So you have to balance your personality to deal with adversity, without falling apart. That's maturity.
A
female
reader, NORA B  +, writes (21 January 2017):
As you stated this is your first serious relationship,and it very important to you.Its not always easy getting to know someone at the start,and sometimes we misunderstand the situation and get into a heap...in your case you cry.You are a very honest,caring person to discuss the situation in such a open fashion...that is a very good start in getting help.Again it would be good to have an indept with your boyfriend and saying thanks for his kind understanding of you.However there maybe something else upsetting you,that you are not fully aware of.Can you think of anything that you maybe depressed about..problems at work...other issues in your life.Sometimes when people cry.it could be overload.So would you consider going to your doctor and having a chat,it might be a good idea.Maybe your boyfriend would go with you.However it would be better to deal with this and sort out the situation.Kind regards NORA.B.
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