A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I kind of like this girl in school. The thing is she's the nicest girl I've met and she's got a stunningly pretty face but she is a bit on the big side. She is pretty but fat. I feel I shouldn't go out with her beausde I'm one of the best footballers in the school and this has made me like the most popular kid in school. It's odd, because I'm not the type of guy to be that typical school "jock". I'm actually intelligent and concentrate on my studies and don't drink at parties etc. However because of my reputation on the field I've kind of gained new friends and all the girls really like me.I don't like any of them, I like this other girl. We just seem to connect better, we like the same things and have the same sense of humour.Asking her out will make me look really stupid in school though!I was thinking cos she is so nice and has a pretty face maybe I could take her training and running with me and put her on a strict diet. I know in 2 months I could make her in much better shape. This way I get the girl I like but don't look silly for being with the fat girl. Wot should I do? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, innocenteyez  +, writes (23 October 2010):
err. ok 1. DONT ever tell her shes fat and put her on a diet. i was overweight in high school. trust me. SHE KNOWS. as soon as i graduated i started losing the weight on my own.
Another thing you can do is ask her out on dates and walk along the beach, or around the park or anything like that. suggest skating or ice skating etc etc take her to healthy places to eat, dont suggest like mcdonalds etc you know what i mean hahaha.
but yeah dont EVER say i think ur fat lose weight or anything close to that. it will CRUSH her and im sure she will resent you and u will never have a chance.
and 2. dont listen to what your friends say. after graduation i literally probably talk to about 2 or 3 people from high school, once u graduate you probably wont even see 75% of them again. let alone be friends with them.
dont be a shallow jock like ur friends, u can change that u know, no one will care who u date, if they do then they are jealous u have a girlfriend, or they are a idiot and not worth ur time anyway
im only answering this coz i think you actually are a nice person, u just are too caught up in the high school popularity thing
A
female
reader, missyd  +, writes (14 May 2010):
i can't but agree with the previous answer.
If you want to change her do you really like her? it seems like you do and you shouldn't caring about what people might say, cause in fact you don't know. Your real friends will judge her on how she's good to you, and how she's treating you not on her look.
Real friends will accept your girl whatever she might be, they'll be supportive. otherwise they're not really Good friends.
and by the way, the things you wanna have with her, it's not your "friends" who are gonna give it to you.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2009): I say, ask her out!But don't try to change her. If you really like her, you'd accept her like she is. And if your friends don't like her, screw them. Best of luck,
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2009): OMG! your really mean, putting her on a diet will make her feel REALLY bad about her self! you sound like a really cool guy, but you care to much about your reputation. if you want to go out with her, then go out with her. her being a little overweight dosent change anything. And if your friends tease you about getting a pretty, cool (slightly overweight) girlfriend then you need to get some new friends!
ASK HER OUT! and dont be a baby about what other people think of you.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2009): You are just as shallow as your "friends". Don't bother asking her out, I can tell she's already too good for you.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2009): You should go out with her if you want to. Forget what your (obviously shallow) classmates think. You know what else, if you're going to suggest she go on a "strict" diet and all of that stuff, it will probably offened her. I know it would me. If you can't accept her the way she is because you're worried about what OTHER people think, don't go out with her. I hope you do the right thing and follow your heart, and not let everyone else bother you.
God bless.
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A
female
reader, Benny 1494  +, writes (13 April 2009):
 from what you've written you sound like an alright guy, if you really like this girl ask her out you shouldn't care what you're friends think...they might surprise you, with their reaction. and as a bigger girl, i think tht by putting her on a diet and making her work out you'll hurt her feelings, you should like her as she is, but you could always be subtle about it, like as said before asking her if she wants to work out with you and when you go out just eat in healthy places ....good luck
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A
female
reader, Candy_Cake_Mush +, writes (13 April 2009):
that really isn't the right thing to do. i had a boy that i liked imply i was fat and i lost 80 pounds...due to anorexia.you sound like a very nice level-headed guy and im sure you don't want to hurt anybody in the process of getting your girl. so i think you should either take her the way she is if you truly like her, or just stay friends. who knows, one day she may get herself in shape and you'd have be able to date her cause you'd still be friends. and she'd remember you as the one who saw her inner beauty.Best Wishes to you!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2009): hi,
to be honest i think you sound immature about the whole situation. Maybe this girl deserves better than a shallow boyfriend who is embarrased to be seen with her. If you really like this girl, screw what your mates think. If they'll react how you say then they're not really true friends at all. My advice would be to follow your heart and ask her out. Maybe people will say stuff, maybe they wont, but you shouldnt let oppurtunities like this pass. You'll only be the popular guy for so long. Everyones gotta grow up and you REALLY need to. You only live once and lifes too short so live in the moment and follow your heart. This girl sounds nice, dont waste your chance.
I hope it works out for you both,
good luck from a british girl ;)
ps. dont tell her shes fat. you could destroy her confidence and that bubbly personality that you like might dissapear.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2009): Hey if you do ask her out, which like everybody else i strongly recommend, then remember not to let your friends talk about her. I worry for her sake what would happen if you did... people might be mean about it and say things to you about her and don't let them. stand up for your girl. If you like her, then I'm sure you can see that she deserves respect. Give her what she deserves.. And you sound nice, so don't fall into such shallow behavior. ask the poor girl out. I'm sure she knows why you haven't so far, and i'm sure she hates herself for it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2009): Leave her alone - let her find someone who will want to be with her as is - you want to ask her out and put her on a strict diet...what the??If you want to change her from the outset this will just get worse - she will loose her self esteem and you'll end up resenting her...
go date a skinny girl who all your so called friends will be inpressed with!!!
You really aren't that intelligent to even be thinking the way you are about this....
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2009): a few years from now you would realise what an idiot your were.
this pretty but fat girl, deserves better than a shallow boy, but lets say its your immature years talking.
if you really like her, ask her out. Who cares about the other shallow people, YOU, Why? You say that you are intelligent. Be different, show that you have more balls than the average jock. But please do not try to change her to please you and your circle of " friends"
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (9 April 2009):
 Don't ask her out. She deserves a guy who is less shallow then a kiddie pool..
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2009): I know how you must be feeling, but let me tell you a little story.When I was at secondary school, there was a girl and a boy in the year below me. The girl, lets call her faye, was really fat but had a great personality. Everyone liked her as a friend but she never had a boyfriend. The boy, lets call him Tom, was very popular, a bit of a rude boy, but popular all the same.One day they became bf and gf, everyone was rather shocked at it as, you know, she is fat and he is popular. BUT everyone got used to it. Within a week it wasn't a big deal AT ALL. Yes, people may query it at first but trust me, they will get over it and find something new to gossip about. He never lost his popularity over it, people just accepted that they were a couple, and they lasted for around two years.Go for it, funk what everyone else will say, they will get used to it :O)Good luck!Playlislay
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2009): Dude,
Seriously as someone who has been up and down the weight ladder I can tell you that your only as heavy as you feel. She is happy and confident in your company, she connects with you and may even like you. she may think your a jock. In any case if you like her. then ask her out, concentrate on finding things that ye enjoy fdoing together and over time maybe your weight will go up or hers down, but at the end of the day someday you are going to be with someone who rocks your mind and your body will be old and wrinkly.
I reckon myself , man up grow a pair and leave ur loser frieds behind you,
Peace out hope this helps.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2009): how fat r we talking. m8 if ur the most popular guy in the school and you can get all the hottest chicks, then you should 100% get that 17-18yr old booty now! while you can. trrrruust meeee!!! in a few years u might put on a bit of weight, the football might be behing you and those 17-18 yr old hotties will be out of reach. but the fat nice girls will still be there! hey even this one with the pretty face might be! ur too young to get into a serious relationship anyway! especially if u could have a career in sports. the last thing u want is to let a woman eat away (no pun intended) away ur drive to succeed.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2009): I'm sorry, but you have no integrity. If you don't value your "friends" opinions, then why are you so afraid of what they will think of this girl? If you like her that much, why don't you accept her for what she is instead of trying to shape her into what you think the "most popular kid in school" would date?You say you are not a jock, but your post came across as pretty shallow, to be honest. And here's another thing - maybe she doesn't want you? You seem to assume that the only problem here is whether she's good enough for you, but what about her?Look, you have an opportunity here to break some stereotypes, and be a little more than "the best footballers in school". If you're so popular, why don't you use your popularity to show people that appearances aren't everything, that girls don't always have to be beautiful and thin, and that sports jocks are not always shallow people-pleasers?And, even if you suddenly drop in your popularity ranking, God forbid, I think getting an honest, fulfilling relationship with a girl you like is worth more.
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female
reader, AskEve +, writes (9 April 2009):
 Use this situation in a positive way! You are well liked and looked up to so stand up for yourself. You sound like a nice person so don't be so shallow and brand this girl that you really like just because of her size!
If they see you out with her then it will make them sit up and think twice about other girls with a little bit of weight on them. Beauty is on the inside too you know.
Grow a set of balls!
~Eve~
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2009): listen if you like her you shouldn't care about your so called "rep"you should like her for who she is not try to change her!SO what she's on the big side!that shouldn't matteryou really need to realise that if you're going to be picky about girls you'll not get anywhere!if you like her ASK HER OUT!stop being so silly and childish and trying to get her to lose weightthat will not help her self esteem as it is!if you like her enough to go out with her then size shouldn't matter if not then don't ask her out!but don't degrade her!who cares about your rep at school anyways please! that's not going to make you famous or anything so why does it matter?no-one will think any less of you!so chill out like.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (9 April 2009):
 You said, "I don't like any of them, I like this other girl. Asking her out will make me look really stupid"
When you are a teenager and popularity seems to be the end all of existence you can feel this way. I know at your age I did. I also made the mistake of telling a girl I was head over heals in love with that I thought she should lose weight. I lost her over that. Absolutely the stupidest thing I have ever done. Your feelings are leading you in the right direction. Your ego is telling you lies. You need to get over yourself a bit and go out with her openly. If you don't you will miss out on a great opportunity.
Remember that physical form has nothing to do with the capacity for passion. The reason you like her so much is quite likely because she doesn't spend a lot of time worrying about what other people think and she is happy with herself.
BTW you won't look stupid. You will look Mature, making your own decisions, not following the crowd like a sheep.
FA
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2009): This is tough..absolutely no to putting her on a "Strict diet" and basically being her drill instructor. She will resent you or ,more probably, herself for that.
Make it a fun activity.. Invite her just say "Hey you want to work out with me??" And show her a good time as you excercise her. If she has fun, she will keep doing these little work out dates with you.
But careful, you can easily hurt her feelings, and if you care about her, you don't want to do that.
As to your friends... who cares? Let them talk.
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female
reader, audie  +, writes (9 April 2009):
 i agree telling her she's fat is a big NO! u'll only hurt her feelings. if you really like her then go for it, if the inner person is good enough then body size and people's opinions shouldnt count. you seem to have genuine feelings for her not that superficial high school stuff. i say ask her out and since u are so popular u never know all the other guys myt start looking for fat girls. lol.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2009): Going by your age, you won't be in high school for long and I promise you, once you leave you won't care what anyone says. Who cares what they say?? if you go out with her then tell her to lose weight, that will make her feel very bad and it will make you look like a jerk (in her eyes)
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female
reader, loner  +, writes (9 April 2009):
 I personally think if you like this girl as much as you say you do, you should not we worried about her being 'fat' if she has a good heart go out with her, who really cares what ever one else thinks? They are not not going to be around your whole life long telling you what you should and should not do.. See my point of view, good kind hearted sweet pretty girls are hard to find, you wont just find another girl like this easily... The other girls that like you just want one thing from you and then they will leave you like a hot potatoe.... This 'fat' girl you like, keep her close at heart, be her best friend and start of slow, see if she really is worth your time.... I bet she is! Good luck.... Xxx
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female
reader, handykatie +, writes (9 April 2009):
hi
just because she on the big side doesnt mean that she will make u look silly if u love her why cant other people care?any way it none of there buisness who u go out with it ur choice if u love her that should be all that matters.DONT let your friends stop u having a relaship with this girl. if they do they probly aint ur friend they probly just want to be with a cool guy.
hope it works 4 u
bye!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2009): That's an alright idea....
Although, if you really like her you wouldn't care what she looks like or what anyone else thinks of you.
If she knows ur not with her because she's "fat" or because u think she should lose weight this will upset her.
If you like her you should like her for the real her and not worry about what other people think, if they were your real friends they wouldn't care, they'd support you , and she'll feel the exact same way.
Is it worth upsetting the girl you like, just to impress your potentially fake friends?
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female
reader, Sweety Pie +, writes (9 April 2009):
 Ignore what people will say, if you like her, ask her out!
Sure people will talk, but thats all gonna stop, and if you are the popular kid, then you should be able to do as you like!
I would not tell her she needs to lose weight, thats a fast way to lose a girl and hurt her feelings. By all means include her in your favorite activities (running etc) which may help her get fitter, but dont make her feel like she has to change herself, she may be happy as she is!Good luck!
xox
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