A
male
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I am very unhappy. I have been going out with my GF for 2 and a half years. A while ago she got a new job - she did not think she had a chance of getting it - was not going to apply - but I encouraged her and helped her and she got the job. She's now been there 6 months. Two weeks ago she went out on a company night out. Next day I went to see her at her flat - she told me that a man had been coming onto her very strongly - she is very attractive and this often happens so I wasn't too worried as I trust her. But as she said no more I did say to her - nothing happened did it ? and then she said ...yes .. it did .. i had sex with him - I felt like I was going to die on the spot - I could not breathe ... she is devastated too - claims it meant nothing ... she had many sexual partners before we met and says this was just a mistake an aberration and it will never happen again. What shall I do?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2008): good luck to you mate - I left a girlfriend after she did this to me and it really did her head is - now she knows how I felt - serves her right - hope you meet someone much better than her in the future
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2008): thanks to everyone who answered this question - i have been thinking a great deal about what to do - and i have decided to leave her - i do not feel the same way about her anymore and i feel hurt and betrayed - doubly so as i helped her and encouraged her to get the job which led to the infidelity. no doubt there will be some pain - but so much better to get it out of the way now rather than have it drag on - or happen again. i feel so much better now i have reached this decision - my (former) gf seems shell shocked and very upset - but if she really felt what she says she does for me - she could not have gone though with what she did - she could have stopped at any moment - but she didn't - and really - in a woman i love i need a whole load more than that - i never cheated on her in our time together and i feel in that case its fair for me to ask the same - she can tell me as many times as she likes that it wasn't very good etc - but if it wasn't very good then why do it .. anyway ... thanks for all the thought you gave to this
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A
female
reader, natasia +, writes (21 April 2008):
 Blimey. Well, I don't agree with the guys here. I think you shouldn't act rashly. I think you should:
1) ask her why she did it
2) ask her if she still wants to be with you
3) forgive her and see how it goes
I think it was a crazy act - and was she drunk at the time? I think as she seems devastated too by it, you should give her the benefit of the doubt and see how it goes. You'll know soon enough if you did the right thing. Lots of couples cope with the monster of infidelity and go on to be happy together, if not quite so innocent and trusting as they once were.
Ask yourself: do you want to give her up?
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A
male
reader, Andrew83 +, writes (21 April 2008):
 2 and a half years is along time to let go of without thinkin it through long and hard.
Remember, love isnt something anyone can turn on or off when ever they feel like it, just doesnt work that way.
this is about you, what you want not her, just you.
so, my advice to you is as others have said..
1) take time out for yourself.
2) think long and hard about this because you both been together for 2 and a half years.
3) think if she ever does it again, what will you do, how will you feel.
as others will say, trust isnt so easy the next time around, so you really need to be sure about this.
yes it takes 2 to tango so to speak. if it didnt mean out then why on earth did she do it in the first place.
in the end, its all down to you. take some time out for yourself, not just 1 day but longer (cant build a house in a day now).
only you can know the answer, people on here can only give advice, so its really down to what you want to do.
best of luck and take care.
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A
male
reader, lifecycle +, writes (20 April 2008):
Its a really horrible thing to of happened, I really do feel for you. Question is, can you trust that she won't do it again? If you can't then its time to get out now, and find someone else who deserves your love.
If it was me, I'd leave and never look back, as this sort of thing is of huge importance to me. But you really need to look inside yourself to find the answers, no one can tell you what to do unfortunately. Maybe some time alone to sort your head out would be a good idea?
Just remember, do whats best for yourself, not her.
I hope things work out for the best, take care.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (20 April 2008):
 Two things I forgot:
1) Ask her why she did it. Ask her if there are any issues in the relationship, and listen carefully. But don't assume you're bad if you choose to leave or stay. Those are just choices.
2) She will continue to see this man at her job.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (20 April 2008):
No one can tell you what you shall do. We can give you opinions about what we would do, and perhaps a look at the situation. This is your life and you have to make the decision yourself.
From what she told you, this man has been making passes at her. You don't know for how long, but it can be anywhere from the moment she joined the company to yesterday. I would assume that the man she slept with has been flirting with her for some time. I don't think they just started talking during the company's night out and, then, all of a sudden, she decided to sleep with him.
If I am right in supposing this, she has been flirted with for some time and she didn't stop the other guy. I would have expected her to do so, as she was in a relationship.
She says this is a mistake. Indeed, it is. But it is also a decision she made. No one forced her to go with that other guy.
All this makes me think that at the she has been entertaining the idea of sex with this other man for some time. Why? This is an issue of the relationship that needs solution.
On the other hand, I could be wrong in my assumption. Maybe they did have a short conversation that night, and after a few drinks and fun they went to sleep together. This is the worst option and I don't believe it happened this way. But they could have happened this way. Either it took some time for them to sleep together, or it didn't.
If you just say "well, no problem". she would get away with it, and you'd be sending her the message that she can do it again, without any problems.
You could also forgive her but make her "pay" for this in another way, being careful not to make this "payment time" take too long. There is no reason why she should live in hell forever.
You can also leave her. This means you lose all the good things she's been during these two years and a half.
Think for yourself what you want to do. Wait for other posters to give you more ideas.
Me, I would leave her.
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