A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I was in a serious relationship which unfortunately lasted just 4 months because of an argument that we had which ended in her breaking up with me. I was devestated by the break up but thought i'd recover with time. We broke up 7 months ago but I still think of her almost everyday and I find it very difficult to move on. She, on the other hand, got back together with her ex 2 months after breaking up with me and seems to have completely forgotten about me. (they ended up breaking up again but that had nothing to with me.)I thought that the way she treated me was very thoughtless and I want to forget about her but I can't seem to. Little things like songs, movies etc. keep reminding me of her. It hurts a lot that she doesn't even seem to care about me...it's like we never happened. She never even asks me how i'm doing. I'm just wondering why this should hurt me so much? It's been 7 months so shouldn't I have moved on? Around how long does it take to move on after a break up with the person that u thought was THE ONE?
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a break, broke up, got back together, her ex, move on Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Amac +, writes (30 March 2008):
Maybe we all help each other so glad anything I said helped. I certainly found the other answers personally helpful also. Look, I actually still cry every day months later. But I also see happiness in my life and that was something I couldn't do a couple of months ago. Hope it turns out the same for you and you find lots of happiness in your life again. All the very best :)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionoh and just one more thing. All of u that replied, u need to go on doing what u do cos it makes a difference. It really does.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi everyone, thanks for the advice and well-wishes. It really helps to know that what i'm going through is normal and i'll use the advice and see how I go. I appreciate the time that you've taken to try and help me out. Wish you all the very best. Cheers
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A
female
reader, melmel +, writes (25 March 2008):
Im sorry to hear about what happened to you, its never easy.. Me and my ex broke up over a year and a half ago after a on and off 4 year relationship and there isnt a day that goes by that i don't think of him. Time is something that is different for everyone and to be honest, i truely believ that some people you just will never get over, how ever i now and in love with someone else and although i will always love my ex i can see that we were never meant to be. Life does things for a reason, and if you are meant to be together you will find a way back to eachother. In regards to her getting back with her ex i would say that it was just a rebound from you and thats why it didnt last. Also in regards to her seeming not to care, sometimes us girls use that as a coping device, if we seem like we dont care, we can pretend like we dont and trick ourselves into believing it. Anyways take care and wish you all the best with everything :)
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A
female
reader, Amac +, writes (25 March 2008):
I feel so very sorry for you because I am in similar situation. I had short relationship with a man who I loved, respected and admired as a person deeply. I thought I meant more to him than I did, kind of got my heart broken and here I am months later, thinking about him every day. it's getting easier to deal with though. Cut yourself some slack. Don't let her actions make you lose your self confidence or think less of yourself, which is what happened to me. You will get over her in time. Maybe she just wasn't the person for you but you are ENTITLED to grieve for what you lost. Just wanted to let you know that there are lots of us out there who feel the same, I'm sure. We will move on eventually and be the better for it :) Good luck!
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A
female
reader, hlskitten  +, writes (25 March 2008):
 HiLonger tha 7 months if you truly loved her.Took me well over a year in the past. But it does happen, even though you cant imagine it yet! I adored him, there was no third party involved and it was mainly because there was a big age gap. But i really loved him loads. wouldn't go back with him now for all the tea in China, that was 4 years ago we split, and still say hi to each other on line or in txt now n then. Ewww the thought of getting back with him! lolShe wasn't over her ex when she got with you though, thats obvious, otherwise he wouldn't of come back on the scene after you split. Also it doesn't sound like she likes being single much, so would probably flit between the 2 of you til the end of time. Bear that possibility in mind. Its not a good reason for her to be in a relationship.You will meet someone in the future thats more compatible with you and with you for all the right reasons.Hang on in there and let nature heal you with time.C xxxxx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2008): With every person its different. Like for instance, I had a boyfriend I dated for 3 and a half years and it took me 1 month to get over him. That's it. But then I dated another guy for two years and its taken me a year and a half to get over him. Why? I don't know. I definitely loved him more and I had alot more expectations with him, I guess. It probably hasn't helped that she has moved on so quickly. That's what's probably really got you down. Not only did you have to deal with breaking up, which is painful enough, but on top of it all you have to deal with knowing that she has already rebounded so quickly, almost as if what you two had didn't even mean anything to her (I'm not saying it didn't really mean anything to her, I'm just saying that's how it would feel like to you). I mean here you are at home doing what any normal person would do after a break up, which is listening to sad songs and watching old movies and reminiscing but then just two months later here she is with a new boyfriend already. Of course you are upset and shocked and confused and extremely hurt. You thought she loved you enough to at least take her time before moving on so quickly. And not only that but also the fact that she has moved on marks the true end for you two which is another blow because now you two have no chance for reconciling, which might have been something you thought would happen, and which could have been possible had she stayed single a little longer.So yeah of course you are sad. You loved her. You thought she loved you. And she gave it no chance to be fixed. Once you are able to come to terms with the fact that it's completely over and there is nothing you can do to change that, then that is when you will be able to come out of this state your in. I mean it sounds like you might need some closure and perhaps you feel like you could have done things differently. For instance, maybe you feel like if you had tried harder, then maybe things would be different now. But don't think that way. First off you have got to accept that it really is over and there's nothing you can do to change that. Everything happens for a reason. There is a lesson you are supposed to take from this experience. I know it sounds lame but its true. And there is going to be someone even better than her who will come along, and thanks to what you've learned out of this relationship you will be a much better boyfriend in your next relationship.For now just keep yourself real busy and force yourself to not think of her. Everytime a thought of her comes in your mind, just switch your thought right away to something else. I'm serious, it works. That will help you alot. You are just going to have to work real hard to manipulate your thought process so that you can force yourself to forget her. And you got to remind yourself that it is over so all the pain that you are still feeling is pointless and is getting you nowhere and its not going to change anything. So what's the point of harboring all these feelings? There is no point cause its not going to change anything. Just accept it. So try to get over her. There are many other beautiful cool girls out there. So get out there.
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