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How should I break up with this guy? He keeps cancelling dates to see me!

Tagged as: Breaking up, Dating, Troubled relationships

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Question - (25 March 2008)

8 Answers - (Newest, 5 July 2009)

A female age 36-40, *eris writes:

Hi, I'm was in a relationship with a guy but lately, we haven't been seeing each other. When I ask him out he agrees readily, but in the end he always cancels for some reason or other and he will contact me to apologize and reschedule the meeting. At first I used to agree but then when the next meeting came, I would either get stood up again or he would be very very late (more than 1 hour) and I'm kind of getting sick of it.

I understand he is a busy person but I don't think this issue is about lack of time any more, it's more about priorities and disrespect.

The last time I tried to meet him again to resolve this issue, he was so late that I went home. When he called, I totally didn't feel like seeing him anymore and rejected his offer to postpone the meeting by saying that I was very busy. I haven't contacted him for a few weeks and he hasn't contacted me since.

I am thinking of ending the relationship. I have already thought through my decision and much as I would like to be able to salvage the situation, I cannot stand having to go through all that all over again. I have also come to the conclusion that he isn't that much into me anyway, therefore any attempt to stay with him would be futile.

How should I break up? At first I intended to just disappear and hope he gets the hint but the lack of closure is driving me crazy and besides it's kind of insensitive and hurtful. I read that breaking up via email or phone is insensitive and disrespectful and it would be best to meet him face to face, but I just can't stand being stood up again.

Thanks for your help :)

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A male reader, guyunit +, writes (5 July 2009):

easy peezy, just fuck his friends. If that doesn't work (which it should) then fuck 2 of his friends (at once) and video tape it and put it on youporn. I have gotten myself out of many a sticky situation (no pun intended) using this technique. If you have any more queries (i.e. ideal position for fucking 2 friends and getting a good video recording) then please don't hesitate to private message me. Good luck solider!!

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A male reader, sawiak911 +, writes (16 April 2009):

Hi there,

What an inconsiderate person. I have just had the same experience.

Two cancelled dates both with whopper excuses, totally unacceptable.

How can a person have food poisoning just before the first cancellation and then get stuck in another country on business for the very next date.....

I think that you should have no further contact from this person, he deserves neither your time nor your thoughts.

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A female reader, Country Woman +, writes (1 April 2008):

Well I think by your current response you have now dealt with the situation with this guy and you can now draw a line under it all.

Don't feel guilty at any point now or in the future, if he has chosen to ignore your calls then that is his problem and it seems as though it always will be. I think you have had a lucky escape and can now look forward to a life with someone less complicated and more responsive.

Good luck for the future.

BFN

Country Woman

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A female reader, aeris +, writes (31 March 2008):

aeris is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Hi everyone,

I tried calling him but he was busy and said he would call me in about half and hour. He only returned my call after a few hours and by that time, I was already busy with something else and couldn't pick up his call so I messaged him saying I would return his call later. When I called him, he was not available again so I SMS-ed him asking him if we could be friends instead cause we seemed to be too busy to have a proper relationship.

Today he wouldn't pick up my calls so I guess my job is done. I wish that it had been settled a little more amicably though.

Thanks everybody for your help.

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A female reader, aeris +, writes (28 March 2008):

aeris is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Hi,

Thanks for all the answers, really helped me to gain an insight into the situation.

We still haven't contacted each other and I kind of realised that the relationship is over on my side when another guy asked me whether I had a boyfriend and without thinking I replied, "No".

However, I've been putting off calling him as I'm afraid of his reaction. I mean, if it's a negative one I don't know how to handle it. I don't want to become enemies with him or something cause in the future, I may still need the help of our friends that he introduced me to (Right now I have a feeling that some of them are treating me so well because they think he and I are still together and therefore they view me as a mutual friend).

Part of the reason I'm so nervous about calling him is that I really don't know what his reaction would be and what is going on at the other end. If he totally didn't care, well, that might hurt my ego a bit lol. But if he got all defensive and we started blaming each other (cause I admit I did do some wrong things on my part too, the normal females-not-understanding-males thing), well, it might just get ugly and I'm scared I might mess it up. If he started trying to get me back or something (which is pretty unlikely I suppose), I wouldn't know what to say and whether I would give in either.

Anyway, it might just get really ugly, and since I might still be interacting in the same field (hobby related) as he is (and the field is pretty small), we might have opportunities to meet in the future, and since he is considered a senior in the field and I am just entering, it might make for a pretty sticky and awkward situation for me if we get to meet again at some event or something like that.

When he was talking to me about his ex in the past, it seemed like he took the split pretty badly and is still harboring resentment towards her. I would like to remain friends with him but knowing his personality it might not be possible for him to accept such an arrangement and even if he did, I would wonder whether he truly accepted it or is just saying it but doesn't intend to treat me as a friend at all...

Thanks so much... I'm sorry I haven't taken all your advice yet but I'm really afraid of finding out his reaction... and I don't have his email or mailing address so writing a letter is not an option.

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A female reader, aeris +, writes (28 March 2008):

aeris is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Hi,

Thanks for all the answers, really helped me to gain an insight into the situation.

We still haven't contacted each other and I kind of realised that the relationship is over on my side when another guy asked me whether I had a boyfriend and without thinking I replied, "No".

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A female reader, Country Woman +, writes (25 March 2008):

Whoever has said that either phoning or emailing him is insensitive has not been the one sitting at a table waiting for someone to arrive as you have and they haven't even had the common decency to phone you and say they can't make it.

If you want closure then you should have it and I always believe in the written word over the spoken word as you can express yourself so much more that way.

If you have his email addy then I would end it this way, yes he may have come to that conclusion or he may have just thought oh well I can pick her up and drop her whenever I want to. If you want to end it properly then do it this way or even send him a letter in the post. He may not be respectful but you are and you need this closure to let him know how dreadfully he has treated you.

You do it for you and then you can move forward without feeling 'if only I had said this or that'.

Believe me it will make you feel better at the end of the day.

BFN

Country Woman

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A reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2008):

I'd say that your 'relationship' has already broken up if you haven't been in touch with each other for a few weeks. I can only assume he thinks you've broken up with him as he's not tried to contact you in that time.

I'm not surprised you got fed up with him being late, rescheduling etc. Once might have been ok, but several times is inexcusable. No-one can be THAT busy.

Consider yourself free of him and move on with your life. Imagine if you married him and had a ruined meal sat on the table going cold every night waiting for him to come home. It would drive you nuts!

He's ignorant in the extreme and I think you're well rid of him.

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