A
male
age
36-40,
*rancedRhythmEar
writes:Im shattered over here. A woman i met for intimacy is seeing another guy and is done with me because i had mental issues regarding vaginal sex. In the four times i met up with her over several months at the end of each meeting i asked if she was satisfied n she said yeah you drive me crazy. I was getting good feedback from her and was doing everything i could to keep things spicy while i dealt with my issues. I communicated my issues to her and she gave me reassurance. However her moving on shocks me because she said every time i was with her it was 'disappointing' and that i should know what womens needs are. How am i supposed to she wanted sex when she said she was satisfied? I find that unfair and now as a guy who needs bedroom confidence what i had with her is gone because i feel what she said was all nonsense. How do I deal with this? Im taking a step thurs in getting abdominal lipo as one issue i have in anxiety is the way i look and not fitting a physical profile that matches an attractive womans appearance. I appreciate any help.
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male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar +, writes (16 October 2012):
TrancedRhythmEar is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks for the feedback. My lipo procedure has been well thought out. My confidence will come from the outside so i can aid the inside. Counseling hasnt helped with the issues. Im lookin into hypnosis tho.
A
female
reader, Bria101  +, writes (15 October 2012):
 You're shattered because she said the sex wasn't that great?!SO?is that really the cause of insecurities in men, their sexual prowess?! For some reason, it's really shallow!So, the two fo you didn't click sexually! Doesn't mean now that you're horrible in the sack!Take whatever criticism in stride, and if you feel the need...learn some new moves!
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (15 October 2012):
 Because if she had told you straight away ," sorry, this does not do anything for me and I'd rather be in bed with a good book ",- probably you'd have made a sharp 180 degree turn and left dust clouds in your trail, at least that's what she thought. She wanted, at first, to keep you around , and give you the chance to solve your issue and improve. But, that's the thing with FWBs, they are not patient, and you are disposable as long as something new and possibly better comes along. So, she had a tiny bit of patience, - but surely not that of a woman in love, or emotionally attached. You have been , in a way, used- for her it was better than nothing- that's why she lied- but , in her mind, worse than the next guy who can give her the whole nine yards.
Selfish ,surely. Dishonest too , perhaps. But, that's the thing with FBW, they are not about generosity and making the other person happy . They are about " what's in it for me ".
Good luck with your surgical procedure, but , if you have deep issues about vaginal sex, maybe you need to see a psychiatrist or psychologist, more than a plastic surgeon. There are men, and women, that are physically beautiful and STILL impotent or frigid. It's the inside that need fixing, not the outside !
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (15 October 2012):
 That's the problem with friends with benefits. It's not based on trust, it's just based on sex. And if the sex isn't there, there's nothing keeping her around.
You had said you needed confidence in bed and unfortunately she thought it was better to lie to you than try to correct the issue. Correcting a sex issue is worth it in a relationship, but for something so casual it sounds like she didn't find it to be worth the effort.
The issue had nothing to do with your appearance. She sounds like she was very attracted to you and had chemistry, but just wasn't getting what she needed from the sex. That may not even mean you are bad in bed, many women never figure out how exactly to get what they need from sex and that they need to be proactive in explaining their needs. If you were putting effort into pleasuring her it's likely you weren't doing anything wrong.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (15 October 2012):
 Here is the news...
Women lie a LOT about how satifying sex is for them, because they usually don't want to hurt the guys feelings.
Most women deserve an award for the amount of acting that goes into faking an orgasm and women usually only bother to do this if they really like a guy and want him to stick around. It's also not that much of a priority that most women actually have an orgasm during sexual intercourse because, to be quite honest, many rely on vibrators and sex toys rather than their man to get their buzz...so everyone is happy and peace reigns.
This girl had no feelings for you and told you straight that you wern't satisfying her. No man wants to hear that quite so honestly, but at leat she told you.
Yeah sure at first she was telling you things were good, probably because she liked you but in the end, it wasn't working for her and, despite your efforts, she moved on.
This was a friends with benefits arrangement...usually the friends part doesn't exist and its just a sex arrangement between two people that can be ended at any time.
Not all women will enter into this kind of arrangement and you cannot really judge your relationship success on this type of arrangement.
When you have done whatever bodily adjustments that you are doind, maybe try to meet and date someone based on more of a love and friendship status rather than just sex...that way you wll have more chance of meeting someone who cares about you as a person rather than how you perform in bed.
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