A
male
age
30-35,
*vilmonkey2010
writes:Hello all, my gf of 3 years, went to uni and dumped me over text and got with another guy the very next weekend! Three months on, i'm suffering from the heartbreak and she is in a "loving" relationship with this guy. I guess i,m happy if she's happy because i'm still madly in love with her. Yet all she does is blame me for everything, and i'm made out the be the bad guy. This has really hurt me, as when one is still in love with someone, who has turned, and is making you look like the enemy, I just feel like a loser all the time, and i cant get out of this mind set
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2011): Move on brother, I guess you're still checking up on her facebook statuses or whatever, best thing for you is to go ahead and remove those "friend" links, you're not going to move on while you're still wallowing in self pity and hurt. You sound like a very nice guy, and I'm sure you're hoping she'll find her way back to you, but quite frankly this girl left you and now is with another man and you my friend are the furtherest thing from her mind. There are alot more girls out there..yes it's a cliche but this is a world with 6 billion people..maybe a couple hundred available girls waiting for a nice guy to be with. Women like dependable dude, prove yourself to be one and you won't have any problems. If you're esteem is low, go work out, get out of the house, get your mojo back and soon enough she'll start to fade from the memory. It's all about you bro!! Go for it!
A
male
reader, foolishsage  +, writes (14 January 2011):
 Ah - my young friend, you must start your new life without her. It's a big change and obviously a major loss that is heart-wrenching for you. There is very seldom any one person to blame for the failure of any relationship. Unless someone was abusive, it's just not the case.So take heart - it wasn't all you. It's likely that she started falling for somebody else and to ease her own conscience, she blames it all on you outwardly - which is also likely why she broke up with you by text - simply couldn't handle so much un-truth in any other fashion.No matter how high your opinion of her, we're all human and we all have times of weakness and act in ways that would surprise even our closest of friends. Please don't hurt yourself further by continuing to pine for her - it hurts, and it will for a while, but what you need right now is to focus on yourself and recovering and re-building your relationship with you.Spend time with your friends, do some of the things that you enjoy doing that were just things that you did by yourself or with your other friends. Being that you were together for 3 yrs, you may have found yourself very enmeshed in each others' lives and you may need to find new things that don't make your mind dwell on her. One thing that helped me in my last go around was Tai Chi - it was good exercise and gave me some calmness in the calamity of my brain that just didn't want to shut off. When you're ready and only when you're ready, start seeing other girls.If you are really feeling low in the self worth category right now, it might also help for you to start making a list of all your admirable/ positive qualities. Sometimes we forget how fantastic of a person we are just for the fact that somebody has broken our heart.Chin-up and be the person who you really are and love that person with all that you've got and you'll be out of the woods much sooner than later. Best of luck
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (14 January 2011):
 First off; it's normal to feel this bad after a break up. Break ups suck. Especially being the one who was left; and even more so because you don't know why this happened or why she blames you. I suspect, reading between the lines, there are a few things you have left out, but none-the-less, you have my sympathies. We've all been there on the road to love. It hurts like hell.
People will give you formulas as to how long it will hurt for, one week for every month you were together, etc., etc., etc., but it is going to take whatever ti takes and it will start to ease up for you. What can YOU do to start getting there sooner? Let's start with the trying to be friends after a breakup thing - You were NOT friends - you were lovers, so let's not try to still see her/talk about her with others/hang out/stay on facebook or myspace with her. Cut all your ties to her. It's brutal but you have to put some distance for you to forget her and heal.
You aren't the loser here - I think you have dodged a bullet. Imagine if you had been married with 4 kids when she turned on you - that would be far worse. You got out just in time. And as a woman - I stand in judgement on her - dumping your boyfriend of 3 years by text? Don't you think that whatever the circumstances you deserved a face-to-face explanation and conversation as an end? Of course that would have been the right thing. Just proves her total lack of character and lack of compassion.
If it's any consolation, leaving high school, starting uni and leaving uni are all turning points and a lot of break ups take place then - my son and all his friends were dumped at the end of uni by all their girlfriends.
Hope this pre-coffee ramble helped you in some way. You take care.
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A
female
reader, petina1 +, writes (14 January 2011):
 She doesnt sound very nice really, a bit heartless. Try to think of all the times you were with her, couldnt you tell that her heart wasnt in it. For her to just go off with someone very quickly, maybe she was lining him up for a while. You are both young and unfortunately this comes with the territory, trying to find our ideal partner is tricky when there's so many temptations out there. You musnt dwell on this now, accept that she won't be coming back and don't destroy yourself. You've proved that you can sustain a relationship so now go and meet someone else who is worthy of that.
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