A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:my girlfriend doesnt want to go further :S what can i do?me and my girlfriend have been going out about a year now and all we have done is kiss and hug and the really petty stuff but i want to go further as im quite a 'exploring' guy if that kinda makes sense. we discussed sex and she doesnt want to do that but she hates the feeling of me doing anything to her that she doesnt want to do so i decided to leave the sex out and now im starting to get quite bored of my relationship because shes really sexually unresponsive it took her 5 months to realise i have been trying to kiss her which is quite bad but then again i am her first boyfriend. we have fun and that together but we dont do anything. that puts me off and makes me feel unapreciated or that she isnt sexually attrracted to me and i have had the thought of breaking up but i dont want to at all :S. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwell we just had a talk and we both goes were not the same as we met anymore well this month she thinks its a faze that may correct itself but i think its permanat :S
A
female
reader, raychell +, writes (19 July 2007):
 Maybe you need to think about why she is being like this with you. Maybe she has had bad experiances in the past that she has never told you about. But I do agree with eyeswideopen in the fact that if your not intrested in the lovey dovey stuff and you are only after the one thing then you should move on but if you do let her down gently. But I would say talk to her about how shes feeling and see if you can find a source to why she doesnt want to go any further. Let me no how it goes.
Good Luck
XxXx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionim not saying it should lead to sex but somewhere more than kissing because i can wait for the sex im not really bothered about that its just that i think were going very very slow in our relationship and ive done loads to keep her happy just i dont really feel happy someways but happy otherways. kinda confusin i guess
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A
male
reader, Jamer70 +, writes (19 July 2007):
 If you feel bored because your not having sex move on. She doesnt need someone pressuring her into one of the most important decisions ever. If you continue you'll get dumped and have her hate you for life. Listen to Dr Pete, either respect her decision and wait or leave her and let her find someone who is willing too.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (19 July 2007):
 If you value sex more than just enjoying her company then break up and go exploring. She certainly deserves to have the honor and respect she deserves from a boyfriend not be pressured into doing something she doesn't want to do.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2007): Don't push her into anything. I know you don't want to push her into it, but you don't want to break up either. Did she say she was waiting for marriage, or until she is at least 18? Or is she just not ready all together? Her reluctance to having sex has nothing to do with you. It is the way she was brought up, & her morals. It is refreshing to me to hear of a young lady with morals. A lot of younger females these days are too promiscuious too early on and that makes me sad. I would hate to think of my daughter being easy. Respect her morals & her wishes. If you can't handle being with her & not having sex, you need to talk to her & decide what you're both going to do, you may have to move on.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2007): Listen to Dr Pete! The worst thing you can do is pressure her, if shes ready she will tell you. If you love her you will respect her and wait however long it takes without pressuring her into something she doesn't want to do. If you won't wait for her then move on and give her a chance to meet someone that will. Just do what you think is right. xxx
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A
female
reader, penta +, writes (19 July 2007):
 If sex is more important to you than your girlfriend, then you should move on. You'll be doing her a favor. Don't push her to do something she's not comfortable with; you'll both regret it.
"Women need to feel close to have sex. Men need to have sex to feel close."
It will be this way for the rest of your life.
Pulling away from her just because she won't put out is a way to keep her from ever wanting to...
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A
male
reader, Andy00 +, writes (19 July 2007):
 Well, what it comes down to is; You just can't force her to have Sex with you. I know that you know this already, but it's fact.
This baffles me that she doesn't want Sex with you yet after a year together. What is putting her off having Sex? When you discuss Sex, how do you go about it? because that could be where her realising that she's ready comes from. What kind of questions do you ask her?
I think you do need to sit her down and tell her that you have needs. You've respected the fact that she doesn't want to do it for a very long time, but now is the time for her to show respect for what you want. It's a two way thing, no matter how you dress it up. She can't honestly expect you not to have Sex with her for as long as she has, can she??
When it comes to discussing it with her, sound as respectful and as understanding as possible, but do try and make it quite clear to her, that she needs to meet to your needs. You have met to hers for a long enough, in my opinion.
Anyway, good luck with it!
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2007): This is what happens when you try and change someone. You both end up feeling insecure, she feels like she has to meet your expectations and you take it personally that's your fault. It doesn't do anyone any good.
I think you need to face facts, your girlfriend is not ready to have a sexual relationship with you. What do you do? You either respect her choice, or you leave the relationship and find someone who has the same attitude towards sex as you do. It is pretty immature of you to assume that because she doesn't want to have sex that it is because you are not good enough; perhaps she just different morals than you do?
You're quite wrong to try push this, as she'll only end up resenting you and you'll end up feeling frustrated with her. You seem quite needy to have sex and an intimate relationship, if so, do the girl a favour and move on from her. Breakups aren't easy but unfortunately they are a part of life.
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A
female
reader, Emo_Gurl +, writes (19 July 2007):
you should just try to understand how she must feel if you are her first boyfriend. It might get a bit boring but she will come around in her own time.
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