A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi all,Ive got a small dilema which I hope some of you people can help me with.I still live with my parents (I know im too old but no jokes please lol) and my girlfriend lives with her Dad. My girlfriend only stayes at her dads 3 nights a week, as the rest of the time is spent here with me and my parents. Everyone gets on well and there are no problems with that.Now in the next few days, my girlfriends dad is moving into his own place, and is leaving her there living on her own, which is fine. As its only 5 minutes from work for her as she cant drive.She wants to keep our living arrangements the same, which again is ok, she stays there through the week, and comes to mine at weekend to stay with me and my family.The only problem im having, is the fact she is very, very reluctant for us to spend any time at her place alone, the two of us. The way I look at it is that if my parents moved out id have her here all the time. So why is she not the same?She keeps saying that when we spend time on our own, as in our own place, that she wants it to be ours, our castle as such, something that we have built up together. Not in her dads house with all his stuff. But if that were the case, why is she so happy to stay at my parents house? It just seems a little strange that she doesnt want us to be together there, as this could be a get away for us. Somewhere to spend time alone. Dont get me wrong, we get plenty of privacy at my place, my parents are very understanding and we pretty much can do as we please.Her relationship with her dad isnt that good, all she keeps saying to me is that she doesnt want to be there and that its only a base for work through the week. She really does press the point that she does not want to be there, that she doesnt like the house or anything. She is just there because the rent is cheap and its near work.It just seems strange that she now in reality has her own place, but doesnt want me anywhere near it.Someone please tell me what this woman is thinking lol! It is really is starting to bug me and were on the verge of a row about it!
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male
reader, GrimmReality  +, writes (17 June 2009):
 "To be honest I dont think its because shes up to no good, or doing anything untoward. She is always at my house on Friday and Saturday evenings anyway, because thats when I work. She just waits in bed for me. It just seems wierd that we can never go there when its a place we could be alone."
Then exactly what the heck is your question? You already have given yourself the answers...well dont say I didnt tell you so when you come back here in a few months.
LMAO....you will be learning the hard way, kid!
A
female
reader, ilovebowsandcherries +, writes (17 June 2009):
 maybe although she is still at her dads its still his house if you get me so still his rules in a way. i mean she's his little girl right? so maybe she feels she's still under strict rules and knows her dad doesn't like boys staying over when he's not there so to speak. i'm the youngest of 5 and my dad won't allow boys to stay over even if he's not there he won't let me. i'm 20!!! he's probably over protective of her and she probably respects that but because your family are so cool and chilled out about you and her together that she's more relaxed around there and feels her father won't be barging in on you and her at any time, or explaining to her she can't have boys over because its his house his rules that kind of thing. that's probably why nothing major hun :) she just knows its still her dads house so she probably would feel weird with all his stuff around as though he's still there and could walk in anytime.
where as if you get your own place it is yours and hers! you guys know that its yours! no-one elses she won't have the fear of whether or not her dad will barge in or give her a lecture.
Hope this helps hun :) x x x x x x
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A
female
reader, QuirkLady +, writes (17 June 2009):
 The place probably holds a lot of bad feelings for her. She enjoys being with you and being at your house because she's away from all that bad energy, and it's possible that she feels if she brings you to her house that bad energy will ruin your relationship.
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A
female
reader, niki20 +, writes (17 June 2009):
 ginsengmeow is right. its probably just because your parents might feel more familish to her. i use to stay at my husband house ( at which point he was 23 and living w/his aunt lol) all the time because it was better then us staying at my house with my family (even if they were away). it was more comfortable being away and in his familar place, its weird yes women are lol but its better to be w/you there then being were her dad could still come in. you know? i hope it helped and hope it wasnt to confusing lol,
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTo be honest I dont think its because shes up to no good, or doing anything untoward. She is always at my house on Friday and Saturday evenings anyway, because thats when I work. She just waits in bed for me. It just seems wierd that we can never go there when its a place we could be alone.
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A
male
reader, GrimmReality +, writes (17 June 2009):
You could chalk it up if you were optimistic that she just wants her own place. And that could very well be the case. But your gut is telling you something else's inst it?Hmmm....try this. Show up unannounced. On a night later in the evening when she is convinced that you are not going to be around. Make sure its a Friday or Saturday and late enough in the evening that you think she will be at home. Is that a tasteless act to sniff out a possible rat? Yep, sure is. Most people would shiver at the thought of it, feeling they were doing something wrong. But you arent, and it is a pretty good way to get the answers you seek. And you are going nowhere in this relationship if it isnt resolved one way or the other.Asking her at this point as to why this is occurring is futile. Any answer she gives will only feed your paranoia. Get your knowledge first hand and go from there.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2009): She doesn't want to be under the scrutiny of her father, regardless of whether she is paying for rent or not. It is still her father's place. Which means he can access it any time. One of my past lovers preferred to stay over at my place, than for us to stay over at hers. It was apparently much more comfortable here, where she was away from potential prying ears and eyes where the floors may creak and the walls may shout back.
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