| A
female
age
16-17,
anonymous
writes: There is no way to say this without sounding harsh. There’s this girl Ava that really doesn’t have friends. She’s nice but she’s sort of spacy and out there. Like, she doesn’t know what people are talking about most of the time and we always have to explain it to her. She’s book smart but not otherwise. She’s not good at sports and we don’t have a music program anymore so she’s sort of screwed. We felt sorry for her and we let her sit at our lunch table. She started to get along with everyone and especially started taking the hints to talk to our friend Ethan. We sort of did that on purpose because Ethan wanted to date most of us but we all friendzoned him. We figured that if we got him a girlfriend that would make it so he’d leave us alone and then we’d still be friends with him. Ava said she’s not interested and that really pisses us off! I know it’s not her fault, but it hurts him to see her all the time talking with the other guys at our table and that pisses us off too because they’re our boyfriends. Ava doesn’t get it. Like, she’ll talk too much to my boyfriend and I’ll take over the conversation and she doesn’t get the hint. I don’t think she’s really trying to get with anyone’s boyfriend but she doesn’t know how flirty she is. It isn’t even in your face flirty, but if our boyfriends were single they’d feel like she was into them. We really just want her to go away now so we hang out without her but that doesn’t prevent her from messaging the guys and talking to them all at the same time for hours like they’re best friends. They think it’s annoying, especially Ethan who is actually being mean to her and surprise she doesn’t get that he’s being mean to her. Everyone in school is mean to her and she acts like it’s a joke even though she’s said before she doesn’t know what she ever did to anyone. Now we can see why no one likes her. What do we do?
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female
reader, TasteofIndia  +, writes (23 June 2023):
 Okay, as a theater queen, your response has me livid. Musicals and STUPID PLAYS?? Be better! Ava sounds like a cool girl, sounds charismatic and interesting. She definitely sounds a little sheltered and naive, but she sounds much more mellow than y'all.
You are coming off as a Mean Girl in this post. Sounds like she's talking to the guys because they're actually nice to her?
Re-read this sentence: "She's real judgmental about people who have sex and thinks its wrong to kiss in public. That's another reason no one likes her"
Sounds like Y'ALL are judging HER. You're in your early teens. Frankly, I'm squicked out by the notion of a bunch of high school freshman having sex, sounds like she's got a decent head on her shoulders. She is probably just a late bloomer, and/or knows herself and her boundaries.
All teenagers are preachy, and sure - maybe her innocence is a little annoying, but Ava is not the one coming off like a judgmental jerk here. You and your friends definitely are.
Y'all need to grow up. If you want to act like women, and not the literal kids that you are, then act like women. WOMEN SUPPORT WOMEN. We see our differences and quirks and we celebrate and support them, not shame each other. Like I said, BE BETTER. (And go support your local theater, lord knows you need the culture.)
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2023): You need to say it straight forward to back tf off tell her that you dont want her hanging out with you or talking to your friends. It might be harsh and hurt her but if she cant take a hint then that seems like a her problem
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2023): It sounds like Ava could be on the autism spectrum. She’s not picking up on social cues and other people’s feelings. I was like Ava all throughout grade school. People didn’t like me, and I didn’t understand why. At age 34, I found out I have autism, but since I’m high functioning and verbal, it went undiagnosed for all those years. People just thought I was “weird”, or said my behavior was inappropriate most of the time. They’d go cold or get angry with me, and I never understood what I did wrong. There was never an explanation as to anything specific I had done wrong. I only had one friend. Guys didn’t want to date me, even though I was physically attractive. I was in a state of constant confusion and loneliness.It might be time to have a heart to heart talk with Ava, especially if you care about her well being. Don’t leave her clueless. If she’s sheltered, that could also factor into her behavior, but more than likely she’s neurodivergent. People with autism and other neurological issues will need things explained to them that are obvious to neurotypical or “normal” brained people. All the unspoken rules of socialization don’t come natural to those of us who have brains that are wired differently. It does take patience to be a friend to us. Ava is still young and I do wish someone would’ve had the patience to sit me down and explain specifically what was “wrong” with my behavior so I would’ve known what to “mask” back then and formed more friendships. Maybe you can be that person to Ava. She will be a healthier adult as a result. Even if you don’t wish to continue associating with her, it will help her in the long run if you just have the tough conversation with her that no one else will.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2023): Why don't you try actually being a friend. Girls should be supporting other girls not tearing them down. It's no wonder she's talking to the guys when the girls are behaving like this towards her. Imagine if you were her, how would you feel with knowing that everyone dislikes you and that your supposed friends dislike you so much they need to write about it on an advice column when you haven't done anything except come into their lives when invited and also not date the guy they wanted you to. How would you like to be controlled??
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2023): Wow so who gave you all the power to control everyone's lives??? If you don't like Ava then that's a you problem sweet, not a her problem. You invited her over and now you want to ditch her?? You decided she should date ethan and then get pissed because she's not interested? These are people hun not toys for you to play with. Do Ava a favour and leave her alone because it sounds like she is better off without friends like you.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2023): OP
Ava doesn't listen to music or watch TV or movies. She says she's not allowed. She just watches musicals and stupid plays and reads mysteries and says she skims the sex parts because it's gross. She's real judgmental about people who have sex and thinks its wrong to kiss in public. That's another reason no one likes her
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2023): Well aren't you lovely . Thats sarcasm as you're old enough to know better . You invite a girl into your group because you want to push her onto a boy . When she says she doesn't like him in that way. You all turn nasty. Like; this girl is toy for you all to play with not a person with feelings and the right to say no .
You and your friends need a reality check but that won't happen till you're all older .
You and your friends are nast af
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A
female
reader, TryingToBeFree2023 +, writes (18 June 2023):
 You and your friends are being unfair to both Ethan and Ava! Let Ethan branch out and find his own girlfriend, no more playing matchmaker! You thought Ava would be great for him but you never once consulted her and asked if she wanted to date anyone. What she wants, clearly, is friends! So you invite this poor girl around not to be friends but to use her as a potential girlfriend for Ethan. What if he didn't like her? Would you kick her to the curb then?
You also said that you can see why no one likes her. Is that because when she talks to guys she comes across as flirting when she probably doesn't realize it? Do her a favor and tell her! Hang out with her, just you two or just three girls and explain specifically which behaviors are coming across that way. If it's not in-your-face flirting, maybe she overcharges or asks personal questions? As I'd she's trying to rush a close friendship? Of course she's talking to the guts! None of you girls will talk to her and she wants to be part of the group.
It sounds like all around, she gas a hard time reading people and situations. She acts like it's a joke when people are mean to her, including Ethan (I have a feeling she knows and is hurt and confused). She is book smart, but that's it, she has to have things explained to her... is she very sheltered by chance? That could explain a lot. Try some compassion!
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