A
male
age
41-50,
*arshalljmpmk2
writes:I am in a long distance relationship with a girl I met about 7 months ago. We only officially started dating about 3 months ago. Things were wonderful in the beginning. We got along so wonderfully, we would talk all night on the phone. We would laugh and watch movies together while talking on the phone. It was going so great. Then, a chain of events started to happen. A few of her guy friends and/or possible ex boyfriends mailed me one after another, a few weeks in between, and would tell me things like they were still dating her and they hadn't broken up and one of them was so bitter that he went as far as saying he was talking to her on the phone one night (a night I hadn't seen her online or talked to her on the phone) and claims they had a nice conversation that led into phone sex. She denies it to this day though he claims it happened and it’s hard to know who to truly believe. Anyways, I found it so hard to trust her, one guy would have been one thing, but 3 guys came forward in 3 months, all claiming the same story, that they were dating her either at that time still, or while I was dating her weeks or a month prior to this. This was indeed an issue between us and it turned things sour. But I feel I have gotten over this and I am ready to move on with our relationship. Well, lately she has been distant. I noticed she calls less, we talk less and she seems mentally occupied with something else, seems really distracted and she acts shady. Finally, last night she tells me that we need to talk. She tells me she isn't sure if she feels the same way about me anymore, being she can't let go of the fact I doubted her about these guys that claim to have been with her. I told her I have moved on from it mentally and I trust her, but she just can't let it go. She didn't break up with me, but she says she doesn't know what she wants to do or what she wants anymore. I would hate to lose this girl, I see/saw a really bright, wonderful future with her, yet she just can’t let go of past events and she has a tendency to dwell on things way too much instead of forgiving and forgetting. I have been wonderful to her, I have always been so sweet and caring to her, never cheated on her or even thought about it, been completely faithful, do whatever is in my power to make her happy, basically I have been the perfect boyfriend with what little resources at times that I may have to work with. It’s very upsetting that she just wants to possibly throw everything away. I feel different about this girl, I have dated around and this girl is different. I feel in my heart she is just right for me and I would marry this girl in a heartbeat. She felt the same up until these guys started their shit and now things just aren’t the same. What do I do? I just can't let go, I want to fix things but it seems like she is being stubborn and fixates on things that are not worth destroying a relationship over. She claims things just aren't like they used to be when we met and I’m not the same guy she fell in love with and she is very confused of what she wants right now. How do I fix this? What can I do to make things right?
View related questions:
fell in love, long distance, move on, phone sex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, the_phoenic  +, writes (28 February 2011):
This girl sounds fishy and her behavior is very instable get rid of her and look for someone worths your time
Good Luck
A
male
reader, Capri2  +, writes (27 February 2011):
In the first place you have to realize this can have two different explanations.A. Maybe these guys just wanted to ruin your relationship and made this whole thing up. And so far their plan seems to be working. Because your girlfriend is very upset with you disbelieving her.B. These guys are telling you the truth and your girlfriend is playing being mad at you. So she can forget you later and you won't dare to disbelieve her again.Unless you know for sure which of these is the actual situation, this is what I would suggest you to think:If A is what happened actually, you already messed this up. And the best you can do is to ask her to forgive you. Letting her know you regret having disbelieving her. And telling her that being in a long distant relationship, and receiving calls from three different guys is too much for anyone to take and handle. If she really loves you, she will forgive you. If she doesn't forgive you (given the circumstances) then she doesn't really love you.If B is true you are in an awful situation. In the first place because you are not certain about this, obviously. And from what you wrote, you already think she didn't lie to you.I guess you have to act based in what you think right now. That is A is the situation here. So you will have to ask to be forgiven. If you are wrong, you will learn it sooner or later. It's part of life, and LDR have this kind of trouble. Which are easier to handle in a normal relationship.I hope you will manage to keep trying on this relationship. And, if in the end you don't make it, there are much worse awful things in life than failing in a relationship. You just move on.
...............................
A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (27 February 2011):
 How did these other men get your email? Or did they post comments by text, or on Facebook?? I'm wondering how on earth they got hold of you.......would hardly think she gave them your info? Did you meet her in person or online?
It does seem very strange and hard to know who to believe.
If what they said is true, then she may well feel bad at having you know what happened with them, and is embarrassed to want to continue with you - well, its possible that at some level she DOES want to continue the relationship with you, but doesn't think you can possibly trust her. Maybe she doesn't trust herself.
Maybe those men are lying through their teeth. But then you have to ask: why would they? I can see one jealous ex making up a story, but three? Unless the other two are buddies of his and he got them to come in on his deception. THAT'S perhaps the truth of it.
As she said, you and she need to talk. After you do, it might be good to not be in touch with her for two or three weeks just to give her time to sort out what she wants.....you'll need to be patient and see what happens.
I really don't know what else to tell you, its a stab in the dark.....
...............................
|
