A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi,Short and simply, I am a man and I have a friend who is a woman. She says I am her close friend, but she also has a boyfriend. Now, sometimes we are out together and she says she has to go because she has to meet her boyfriend. Or she cuts short our conversation because her boyfriend calls. I do not have a girlfriend. But it bothers me that while I am her "close friend" she always pushes me aside for her boyfriend. I have told her how I feel but it does not make a difference. She says just that she cares for me too, just like him. But she always gives preference to him. I am so confused. I hate feeling secondclass. Am I wrong or too demanding?Thank you
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male
reader, Odds +, writes (23 December 2010):
 It depends on your own expactations as a boyfriend - not hers, but with whoever you've been with before. Did you get upset when your previous girlfriends would seem to spend more time with their guy friends than with you? If so, it would be inconsistent to be upset in this situation.
If you, when dating before, were alright with letting your girlfriend hang out more often with her guy friends, then it's understandable why you'd be upset now. As long as you're consistent, you're not "wrong," at least on this issue.
However, who she chooses to spend the most time with is her decision. If you feel she is neglecting you as a friend, you'd have to bring that up with her yourself. I know it's awkward to do so, so find a comfortable way of doing so, or just adjust to this new pattern for the time being. Otherwise, it may be a better idea just to spend more time with other friends.
A
male
reader, orange_sasquatch +, writes (23 December 2010):
Personally, I think she's making the right decision. if she's really devoted to her boyfriend, then she should choose him over you. When she starts to choose you, then it may be getting a little too close and may constitute emotional cheating, or so I think.
maybe you and her need to set up a specific time for the two of you to get together so she doesn't have to leave early to be with her boyfriend.
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A
female
reader, youngandrestless  +, writes (23 December 2010):
 well bud you have to accept that you are only the friend. you will always come second the the boyfriend and that is how it should be. if you did have a girlfriend and she prefered hanging out with her best guy friend to you, you would be worried. he will come first and you will come second. im glad that you guys are still friends and you can still spend time together but she has other priorities now.
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A
male
reader, the_phoenic  +, writes (23 December 2010):
What she Is doing is %100 normal
And you should accept and understand it
Good Luck
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A
male
reader, rivi +, writes (23 December 2010):
Yes you are wrong.
She is entitled to prefer the BF's company.
On the other hand you are entitled to expect her to stick to agreed meetings - eg if you have a dinner or lunch or whatever arranged with her you are entitled to expect her to stay till it's over, not get up midway and leave you hanging.
But honestly, the whole thing is a bit skewed ; why don't you go looking for a proper GF that YOU can give priority to over the Platonic friend-who-happens-to-be-a-girl ?
Or if you are gay or bi check out the BF possibilities.
This friendship seems to be a distraction or detour from you getting on with your own life.
Maybe cooling it and seeing a lot less of one another would benefit the pair of you ?
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