A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend is lying to me about smoking. The only thing I ever asked him to do for me was to quit smoking, which was back in October. He's admitted to taking a few drags from friends' cigarettes, but I've found a few packs since then. Each time he gives me an excuse- a friend left them in a bar, he bought them for someone else, etc. They all happen to be the brand he smoked- the brand I've never seen any of his friends smoke. He gets stressed and I know smoking was the biggest release for him, but I'm more upset that he is lying to me about it instead of actually smoking. I know quitting is a hard thing to do, so I do commend him for doing this well, but if he lies to me about this, what else could he be lying to me about?We just recently moved in together and it's been hard on many different levels, but this tiny and continuous lie is making me doubt a lot of what he says.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2010): i know this doesnt help but just going to share....i absalutly HATE smoking....my grandmother died of lung cancer and i wear contacts so it always irritates them.. well i told my boyfriend from the get go that i do not care if he smokes its his life and he can do what he wants with it but i expressed very strongly how much i didnt like it and ask him not to smoke right beside me...which he politely did :)...soon after that he quit on his own. I asked him why and he said because i didnt make him quit or ask him he didnt want me to feel uncomfortable anymore. try a different approach maybe he wont try to rebel against u nagging at him. If someone is going to tell me to do something im going to do the exact oppposite. Sorry if this is nothing at all what you wanted to here. and i wish u the best
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2010): He's going to lie. People cant just quit it like a drop of a hat. It's hard for them to after a very long period of doing it. Once they can stop, they'll get addicted to something else. Like tootsie rolls.Understand him lieing about it hurts you, but you need to let him know that. Sit down and talk it over. I hate it too, i really do. But im happy as long as it isnt in the house and i cant smell it :) Thats the only way i can over it. If you just want to let him and drop hints to beg him to stop but let it go on, i think is fine. Hopefully he'll stop. I was 7years old, i got my step grandfather to quit with " Smokings bad for you. Itll kill you. I dont want you to die like my mommy."A 7year old little girl got at the time a man in his 50's to quit after 30 years of smoking and 20 years of people getting him to stop.Maybe he needs a little sweet voice in his head. Hint hint. Got a little sister?xoxoGood luck sweetie
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2010): ok well first off you are right it is a very hard thing to quit smoking(i smoke)so he must really care about you if he was willing to quit, and he may be lieing to you because he doesnt want to hurt you and for you to be disappointed that he couldnt quit, however lieing about it is not the right way to go about it, i thinkyou shoul sit down and say tell me straight if your still smoking, id rather know that you smoke then have you lie to me, i know its a hard thing to do that ive asked so i understand it may take time but im with you along the way no matter what? just something along them lines, then he will know that you will still care and you understand you cannot just quit straight away, hope that helps, good luck
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A
female
reader, annakat +, writes (23 December 2010):
 I understand how you feel. I broke up with one of my ex boyfriends because of his smoking. Like you said, the smoking didn't bother me so much as that he said he would quit and then lied to me. I didn't even ask him to quit though, he offered to do it because the secondhand is hard on my lunges. But I don't tolerate lying at all so I ended it. But that's just me.
I think you two need to sit down and have a serious talk. Tell him how you feel about what you've noticed. Try not to accuse him of anything or be too judgmental (maybe he really was just holding them for someone, you never know). Let him know that you would rather have him smoking than feel the need to lie about it. If he says he isn't smoking maybe you just have to trust him on it. But if he admits to smoking try not to get upset. Remind him that you're glad that he tried to quit for you. Maybe he just needs more time. Maybe he can cut back (but I don't know how often he used to smoke in the first place) or try using the patch or nicotine gum while he works towards quitting. Be supportive and let him know that you're there for him. If you're too hard on him he'll feel like you're trying to control him. If he knows that he can be honest with you without you getting too mad or telling him what to do he's more likely to stop lying. Good luck and I hope everything works out for the best.
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A
male
reader, rivi +, writes (23 December 2010):
Oh just give up on it.
He has to want to stop for himself and he knows it's a stupid habit to keep up.
But it's not illegal or immoral. If that's all he does wrong ( do you get great sex ? and is he good company even with his pants on ? ) it shouldn't be a deal breaker in my view. But if it is for you ( assume he won't quit ) then leave him.
I reckon he is MUCH more likely to quit if you let him do it in his own sweet time and way than if you keep badgering.
Are you a perfect being btw ? Just asking.
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A
female
reader, Sookie +, writes (23 December 2010):
 Well here is the thing you can never force anyone to do something they are not ready to do all its gonna do is make them feel like they have to lie to you to keep you from getting upset with them then they do lie to you and then ya get mad at them which is really not fair would u be ok if he slowly cut back instead of him not being able to do it at all its really hard to quit smoking and unless he is completely ready to it could bring bigger prob I am a smoker but when I got pregnant with my son even the doctor told me not to go cold turkey its not a good way to do it because your body gets used to having that nicotine and withdrawals never make anyone a nice person what I did was make them hard to get at and then just take a drag or two just to kill that edge he needs that trust me but you should try to encourage him and support him in quitting instead of fighting because that's only gonna give him reason to if ya know what I mean "she is already mad at me for it so what's one more" good luck, Sookie
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