A
male
age
,
*ornbread
writes:I've been dating this young lady for 2 years. She constantly talks of getting married. She has never been married , I've been married twice. One for 1 year, second for 21 years. As a divorced man I try to explain to her that a marriage takes more than love to survive. I've asked her to read several books etc. She refuses to make time. No she has no desire to kiss, make love, cuddle etc. Yet she constantly talks of us getting married. I explained to her nothing changes when you get married. The things you do now , youll do then.Our relationshipship started off full of cuddling, kissing, and sex. Now nothing, I need those things so, what should I do? I love her but I need the passion?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2009): Hey all those are replies from guys. See what I will tell your girlfriend. If a man is not getting what she wants, she need to move on. That is what I would suggest. She has spent two years into you, that's a precious 2 years in her young life. She does not need to waite another 2 years with you. Cause you won't change. If you still love her, you shall tell her and she will need to move on.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (3 October 2009):
You do need to explain all this to her. If she refuses to listen, then this girl really isn't someone who you should be with. The posts below do explain it better than me.
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A
male
reader, softtouchmale2003 +, writes (3 October 2009):
 Tell her exactly what you've said here. If it hits the brick wall, perhaps its time to find someone else with more staying-power.
You're right. Marriage is more than just the cute stuff. There's a lot of commitment, and a great deal more effort has to go into the relationship to keep it alive.
Your experience and your observation is dead-on the money. She has to know what it is, and the amount of effort it takes.
Likewise, if she's distant from you now, marriage will only make her worse, not better.
She's in love with a dream without any basic and realistic understanding of the whole picture.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2009): Tell her... tell her that you need a passionate sex life before you can consider marriage and that benig sexually compatible is a REQUIREMENT in a spouse. Be prepared for her to rebuff you, but at least you'll know where you stand.The suggestion to read books is a dead end loosing proposition. You've just told her "there's something wrong with you, and I'm not interested in participating in your recovery - go read a book and do it alone..." You may have not said that, but that's likely what she heard.If you want to WORK with her on finding a solution, then get in couples counciling... if she's not interested, THEN you know she's not going to grow with you...
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