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male
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anonymous
writes: Hi I'm 24 and suffering. 4 years ago I met a girl on the net and we bacame very good friends in real life. Then one day I realised I loved her. But the day I wanted to tell her she tell me she found someone and said would date him. It was quite a hard blow. I begged her to give me a chance but it was no use and was painful; so painful that I had cut contact with her for about 3.5 years A few months ago I still could not get her memories out of my head and I contacted her again. She was single her bf had heft her. We met again and spent lots of time together and finally we started dating and she eventually started to have feelings for me. Then last week her ex-boyfriend showed up again apologising and asking for a second chance. I knew she still had feelings for him. A few days ago she told me she was leaving me for him and again I tried to convince her we were made to be together but no use. She really has feelings for me but she loves the other guy more. She said sorry so many time that it was not her intention and that she feels very guilty but that she loves the other one and she feels he's the man of her life.I asked that if ever that doesn't work out that she comes back to me. I love her and I can't stop loving her. But she said no, that she felt too guilty to do that and even if she breaks up she will not come back cause I suffered to much because of her. I don't know what to think now. What should I do? Should I just forget her the person I was ready to give my life for? Should I try to live, hoping that one day I can convince her to come back? I really don't know.We still keep contact this time though. HELP!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2005): Hun, I am so sorry for the immense heartbreak and grief you are experiencing. She has made her choice. It's up to you now- to 'let go' and face the reality of this breakup so you can learn to accept your future without this woman. It will take time, patience and understanding. Hopefully with true healing, the day will come for you to potentially be at a place where you can experience a new love.
As hard as this is to do for you-try not to contact her, anymore. Calling her is likely only serving to prolong your pain & misery. You have to come to closure and accept that the relationship is over. What will you gain by hanging on? Nothing-you gain nothing. And you lose-you lose the chance to move on with your life and find happiness in other ways. Allow yourself to go through the numbness, the shock and despair. You need "time"-take as long as you want-but give that to yourself.
You will survive this-you will come back to life. As time passes you'll discover more and more meaningful moments that make you appreciate life again. The time spent alone in thoughtful reflection or perhaps in recovery will begin to bear fruit. The work of grief is to let the emotions that you feel in your mind, heart and gut to flow, not to attempt to block any of them or judge them whatever they are. When you do this “work,” on yourself, appreciation for life can creep back and your life will be vibrant and full of growth, joy and discovery.
Acceptance is the key. Acceptance of the reality of your current circumstances will lead to... hope for a future, even though it is different from the one you used to imagine. Allow yourself the opportunity, so you can be free to focus on other pursuits
Good luck, stay strong and I wish you the best of luck.
Hugs,
Irish
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2005): No. Move on. She's obviously not interested.
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reader, I Dont Lie +, writes (20 September 2005):
 Alrite mate, you HAVE to move on. For REAL!! From what you're saying, I dont think she has meant to hurt your feelings and thats why she's said that she will never ever get back with you even if she and her ex breaks up, which is a good thing if you think about it. I know it may not sound like what you want but truly, I reckon that will be the best outcome for the both of you. Sometimes when things get too messy, its often not possible to revert it back to the usual ways. Look, I dont think she loved you, I would say she liked you. I know thats harsh but you've got to face it, if she did love you, she wouldnt be running back to her ex everytime he called. Truth is, she was with you because she thought her liking for you could turn to something more, which it did until she also noticed that her love for her ex will always be something more!! If you think about this, she's not entirely wrong here. Its not her fault that she loves someone else. Shes actually done the right thing in breaking up with you and telling you that she will not come back to you even if things go bad between the both of them. You can never make someone love you so go find someone who really loves you. You sound like a really nice guy so I wouldnt think that there will be any problems for you to get a girl, but do give it some time mate. Im sure it will all be ok!
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reader, helpfull girl +, writes (20 September 2005):
right keep in touch still be friends, but listen you sound like a lovely bloke you shouldnt allow your self to be put second best! if she said no then start a search for some one new and in time to come when you find that new person&fall in love your realise it was just a stupid crush with this girl now! because she doesnt deserve you and to me if she put you second best then i class that as a crush. time will heal your pain, there is no treatment for a broken heart other than a thing called time! just be gratefull you friends, if she does come running bk 2 u when shes finished with her boyfriend dont have her bk just like that let her chase you thats how you find out weather it is meant to be ive been with my feller for 6yrs and i think its cus i made him chase me 4 1yr and he never gave up on me! try finding new people to date try dateing lines heres a few good ones for you ilove.co.uk (its free totally)/justchat.com/ i love your bound to meet sum 1 on there. good luck chuck.
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