A
male
 ,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone!Let me thank you first for reading this topic ,all your advice isreally appriciated !I am in a quite difficult situation now, my girlfriend is pregnant,but our relationship has been really hard for me ,since this was myfirst real relationship (and to be honest had a low self esteem )shetook the whole relationship as granted and I accepted way to much ;shewas constantly lying and was really manipulating .For example I caughther in bed one time with someone else .I got angry and sad ,but shetold she just was cuddling with him and that it is normal to do .Themost stupid part is a actually believed her at first .Neverthelessthere were countless situations where everything but the truth wasbeing told ,and everytime we talked about it she said it would neverhappen again and she was really sorry ...As you can guess nothingchanged and I feel really stupid for staying togheter . Now she ispregnant and I cant just leave the child alone . But what can I do ? I do love her but I dont want it to be like this for the rest of my life...
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi,
Thanks for all your answers , each one of them , At least I know know if I decide not to stay with her I can still continue living my own life and that staying with her is not my only option.
Thanks a lot!
A
male
reader, ReturningtheFavor  +, writes (30 January 2010):
Definitely get the kid tested but do what makes you happy. If thats is your baby, then be its daddy. Make sure you are ready to step up and take care of that child during all the hard times that you are going to go through. He or she is ogint to need a moral parent in their life! Only you can know what is going to make you happy but im not sure she is worth your time. Step up for your child (and i know you will cuz you seem like a hell of a person for trying to work this out) Make urself happy first!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2010): Get the baby's DNA tested.
Do not wait. Do not assume this child is yours without proof no matter what she says.
You have been warned.
It's your own fault if you don't get this test done. The testing is not expensive or painful, and you are totally justified in demanding it since you already know she has cheated at least once.
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A
male
reader, iamaphony +, writes (27 January 2010):
you know the answer.
the only thing you CAN do is end the relationship and move on. the kid is yours (...or is it?). and make sure she knows it, and you want to take care of it, and a part of its life. but as far as you and her are concerned, you're done.
don't convince yourself you're in love. you're not. the things she has done to you (am assuming just the perfect balance of hurting you and making you feel loved) just creates an allusion of being in love with her in your mind.
it's all in your head dude. you live, you learn, you move on. enjoy it.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (26 January 2010):
 That seems like a whole lot of stuff going on.
Do you plan to stick with her and suck it up for the next 18 years? If so why? You can help out and still be a good dad without having to live with her or be in a relationship. All that takes is commitment to you child.
I understand why you hesitate to leave her now. But when is enough enough?
You could try and find a neutral counselor and do couples counseling. It might give the both of you some insight.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2010): Let me start by saying- you're an honorable man. But it seems whatever you didn't see coming you now know she is caqpable of doing to you. Now that you know better don't let her walk all over you. I'm sure there are 100's of wonderful things about you & she's a skud for trampling your self esteem even more. I'm not sure how you should handle this but she should know she's lucky to not have her *ss kicked to the curb. I would suggest waiting until she's had the baby & then file for custody & leave the B*tch high & dry. In the mean while- don't hesitiate to look for someone else. I'm not saying make any move on another woman but just get the ball rolling. You don't want your kid growing up around such a screwed up selfish person. There are plenty of woman out there who will treat you better & instill better values in your child then she will. I hope you feel a rush of confidence, no matter what she says or makes you feel like because you've obviously have a good head on your shoulders & a child on the way.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2010): there is many good fathers out there that aren't with the mother. so u dont have to b with someone whom u aren't happy with just cuz of the sake of the baby. i stood in a merriage that i wuz misarable just for the sake of my kids and trust me i felt like i wuz nothing but now that we are no longer together am happy and my kids get to spend time with their dad and everyone is happy.
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A
female
reader, ImJustTrinity  +, writes (26 January 2010):
Hi Honey,
I can see your in a bit of a situation! As far as the lies go, and the fact that you love her. You need to sit her down and tell her your feelings. after all, Trust takes a while, and losing trust takes seconds. So it could take her a while to build your trust again.
If she continues lying, then she's not worth it. I know you love her, i've been in the same situation, as i had low self esteem aswell, but i learnt to respect myself, and i didn't deserve that. I deserved someone who would put as much effort into a relationship as i did.
As far as the baby goes. Maybe the baby would have a better life with their mummy and daddy apart? Parents being together for the sake of the child isn't always the best idea. Children can sense when their parents aren't happy with each other. And arguements and lies in a relationship isn't good for the baby.
I hope this helps Honey
xx
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A
female
reader, lah mouw +, writes (26 January 2010):
 My mom always says, if a person shows you who they are... believe them. She's showing you over and over what kind of person she is... You're wasting your time when you keep taking her back. She's completely using you while you try your best to keep things steady... And for what? You need to do what is best for you and staying with her seems to be hurting you more than anything. It's just not worth it if she doesn't even care. Just because you and her broke up doesn't mean you still can't be in that babies life.
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