A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid,At first, sorry for long message. I was with a girl for a couple of months, however we knew each for a long time. I messed up.. even tough i wanted to behave good, deep inside myself I am probably very self-centered. Whenever i was doing something for her i was always expecting she will give the same in return. Now after a couple of months from break-up we talk (i call her, or write her once a week). I'm always the one who initiates contact but its fine. Last weeks decided to send her flowers, just randomly. Thought this will make her happy. Instead she got mad saying -do not do this again.. I just wanted to make her feel appreciated, no love letters, begging, pleading - anything - attached.We really had a lot of subjects in common, and broke up as she stopped feeling good when being with me. No quarrels cheating etc.. I called her recently and asked if she wants to have some fun going for a concert.. again she got annoyed and said 'are you only calling to invite me somewhere?'. Seems she stopped trusting me at all, even though she always picks up my calls and always responds very kind..I guess now she will be suspicious at my every action.. i really wanted to make her feel better, take her for a concert she would like. But now I'm thinking maybe i was doing it all to get her back, not to make her happy. I try to work on myself but not sure which path to follow.. she means a lot to me. Trying to start with loving myself as i am, hope that i would be able to love others purely then. What do you suggest?
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female
reader, fishdish  +, writes (14 April 2011):
 Blonde30s basically said it all-she's mad because she probably wants to move on and you're holding her back from doing this. She broke up with you for a reason, and for you to disregard those reasons and do boyfriend-like things (send flowers, a romantic gesture, and asking her out to a concert is close enough to a date).
you need to back off. she's probably too nice to have told you earlier, and she does still care about you, which is why she picks up, but she does want to move on. Let her do that. Even though you mean well, you're just torturing both of you.
A
male
reader, macdubh712 +, writes (14 April 2011):
Lookie here, I'm not sure why you two broke up but, the reason you two broke up aside, it sounds like there is a lack of communication between you two. I could be wrong; perhaps you two have discussed everything. If you have not done so, you need to have a conversation with her about this. No distractions. YOU TWO NEED TO BE COMPLETELY HONEST WITH YOURSELVES AND HONEST WITH EACH OTHER. You two need to agree that no matter what is said you will be calm and mature but you need to tell each other how you feel and not hold back. After this type of conversation you should know how each other feels and know whether you will get back together or not. If she is with someone else (possibility) and happy then you need to respect this and move on. Mind, I didn't say it was easy. Good luck.
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