A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I got to know my ex-gf in Q4 2009, we share some same interests and hobbies, and it wasn't long before we got together. The relationship lasted for 9 months, and it was her first relationship.It was a wonderful one, and I thought we made a wonderful couple. We're attracted to each other very much, and we enjoyed spending time together. Even though we had small fights, it wasn't like hurting each other or cheating. We had been very loyal and devoted to each other.But unfortunately, stress from school kicked in, and the bond between us was shaky. Perhaps because of that, I began becoming more clinggy, and she began needing more space. I admit I wasn't understanding on that part, and it was too late before I realize. She broke the news to me about half a week ago, that she would want to break up with me. She didn't give a definite reason, but she labelled our relationship as a burden and she no longer has the time and money to support it, that we don't have a clear future, and it won't get better in future because she has a few loans to pay back.She said she is firm on leaving me, but we can always do what we do when we were together (e.g. going on a trip, coming to my house). And if I need time before I be her friend again, she'd give me.But I am so sure that she still loves me. Just a few days before the break-up, we were still happily dating. And that when I started tearing up on that evening, she actually held my hand (even though she withdrew it when I started holding tight). I had been thinking about it, and I still feel that we can salvage this relationship. I want her back badly. I haven't contacted her yet, but I probably would, just to tell her to work hard for her studies.How can I get her back?
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2011): "But unfortunately, stress from school kicked in, and the bond between us was shaky. Perhaps because of that, I began becoming more clinggy, and she began needing more space."
Sounds to me like that's the problem. Most women don't want a man who is clingy and needy. She's most likely viewing you as weak and a pushover.
If you want her back what you need to do is focus on yourself. Give her space and get out there and do things you enjoy. Stay busy and don't dwell on it. Don't contact her for awhile. If she tries contacting you don't pick up the phone...let her leave you a message. After sufficient time has elapsed you can call her back but don't make any plans for what you used to do together.
I'd give it at least a month before you see each other again. And when you do make plans...make it for an afternoon and make other plans for the evening. You want to limit your time with her. That way you have something else to look forward to and you will leave her wanting more. Don't bring up the relationship or any issues just yet. If she brings them up just tell her "I know you may have unresolved feelings and I am willing to talk about them but let's not do it today". Take it slow, tell her it was nice seeing her again, but do not make future plans. Wait another week or so before contacting her. Above all else don't rush it. She needs to see that you don't need her in your life. Once she sees that you will be much more attractive to her.
It's possible to win her back. Give it time. Good luck!
A
female
reader, Adorskable  +, writes (2 February 2011):
 Give her time and space that is all you can do. Right now it is so recent so your not thinking straight, your thinking with your heart. You feel like you can't be without her but give it time and you too will be able to call it quits. It will hurt breakups always hurt but she is telling you she don't want to be in the relationship and in time you two can be friends, so there you have it there is no chance in getting back together. I hope you heal in time and open up your heart because someone else will appear to fill your life with joy and laughter. Good luck, let it go you will hurt now, but you will love again.
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A
male
reader, shawncaff  +, writes (2 February 2011):
 I think they key to your question lies here:"She didn't give a definite reason, but she labelled our relationship as a burden and she no longer has the time and money to support it, that we don't have a clear future, and it won't get better in future because she has a few loans to pay back."She is worried about the future. Up until now, the relationship has been fun, enjoyable, and now reality is setting in. I think you need to explain to her that even if things are tight now, if you work together as a team, you can weather the storms. Perhaps this is the turning point of the relationship wher it becomes less about what "I" get out of it, and more about what "we" can do together. If she feels it is a burden, that's because she views it as one-sided, like she is doing the supporting. If you want her back, give her a clear vision of the future and how you will both be sharing the financial and other challenges that will arise.
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