A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have had to constantly re-assure my girlfriend since day one. I have put up with allegations that I am cheating or will end up cheating on her. I am often accused of finding others attractive when we are out. Despite this, I have tried to understand and try to find out what makes her this way. Yesterday, I find out she has been on various dating sites and says she is single. I asked her why and she flew into a rage and said I am giving her a hard time. She will not answer anything I ask her about it. How do I find out what is going on in her head? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Byron Temple  +, writes (11 December 2012):
Dating sites are a better tool for exposing cheats than they are for finding a partner. You had a lucky escape. Enjoy your future.
A
female
reader, thinkb4  +, writes (10 December 2012):
I feel for you. She has disrespected you in a very big way. If you decide to stay with her, then you are open to even more abuse from her. I do not think she sounds the type of person to care either way about hurting you. She sounds far too selfish for thoughts outside herself.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2012): she wants to cheat but doesnt want to be cheated. a bit like a thief doesnt want to be robbed. the best thing would be to get rid. she's not good.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (10 December 2012):
 often folks will accuse people of doing exactly what it is they are doing.... they believe if they can do it anyone can.
when caught they get angry and try to make it your fault.
It's not your fault.
She probably has low self-esteem and that's why she does it to boost her ego.
it's NOT a reflection on you in any way.
You may need to consider, however, that this behavior will probably not change and you will probably end up leaving her... which will then be for her a self fulfilling prophecy where she says "men always cheat or leave" and she won't be able to accept her role in the issue.
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A
male
reader, somewhere_between  +, writes (10 December 2012):
 What is going on in her head? She is an aspiring cheat. Her ambition is to make it in this world as a cheat. There has not been any offers, so she`s trying her luck on dating sites. She`s accusing you, either, to keep any suspicion away from herself, or because she thinks everyone is like her, a cheat (or a wannabe one). You are going to end this relationship or are you not?
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A
female
reader, Jeanette82 +, writes (10 December 2012):
 I have also been where you are. It lasted years and it never stopped. Do not look for explanations or closure because you wont get none. The chances are, if you keep on asking, then she will switch and blame you. Watch for yourself if you dont believe me. The best thing you can do is change your number and have zero contact.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2012): I have seen exactly the same. Whilst you are busying yourself trying to get your head round it, she is actively trying her best to cheat on you. Her fear of you cheating on her is normal. A cheats biggest fear is being cheated on. Why dating sites? Probably because you are the only one who finds her attractive at this moment. If others did, she wouldnt need to use dating sites. I would not expect her to change.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (10 December 2012):
 You can psychoanalyze her all you want and NOT end up with a concrete answer.
There's too many factors.....
1. She may be beating you to the cheating punch, by putting herself on a dating website.
2. She likes the male attention.
3. She may be bored in your relationship and looking for a way out.
Cheaters often don't need a reason for their action. They're selfish and only thinking about their needs. In their eyes, they're #1. Do wish to continue to be with someone like that?
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (10 December 2012):
 That's a very common among cheaters. It's called projection.
This cheater or wanna-be cheater is not worth your time.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (10 December 2012):
 This woman is not worth worrying over. She has double standards and refuses to acknowledge her own bad behaviour.
If she wont discuss this issue with you, just walk away. You don't have to accept this at all.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (10 December 2012):
 Its pretty common that people who are actually cheating are very insecure of their partner doing the same.
Id say you need to have a serious talk with her to get to the bottom of why she is using dating sites and claiming to be single. If she doesnt co-operate, you need to think if this is the relationship that you want to put up with.
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