A
male
age
36-40,
*ndy00
writes:Hi, I'm having some real problems in bed with my girlfriend, but not in the way you would immediately think.Sharing a bed with her has become a total nightmare, specifically when we stay at her flat. I'm usually awoken at nights when she pulls my half of the duvet off of me and over her, and then when I try and get it back she accuses me of pestering her. Other times i'll struggle to get comfortable so I'll roll around a little (Who HASN'T done this before?). But instead of just accepting it, she'll sometimes bark at me to "stop moving". Whenever you're trying to sleep, these words cause nothing but stress and further discomfort.The final straw came tonight when I was having an uncomfortable night. It's freezing cold here, and the wind was howling. I was disturbed and tried for nearly 2 hours to get back to sleep without success. In that time I woke her up twice. Both times she complained at me for "waking her up" and "pissing her off", and the first time she kicked me!I can't keep putting up with this. Am I being unreasonable? I understand her frustration at being woken up, but what I can't figure out for the life of me is her complete disregard for my well being. If she were to disturb me at night I wouldn't say a damn thing about it. I'd consider it to be "one of those things", but to me, she is just being selfish. It's starting to make me think that maybe she is too selfish and I should look for someone who might be a little more considerate towards me!What do you think? This is now a huge problem. Is there any solution that enables us to share a bed. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, shoes2000  +, writes (21 October 2010):
Hi Andy00,I can completely relate to your problem. I have been having this same problem with my girlfriend. And this morning it was so bad that I just had to leave her house. I was looking for similar problems online but you are the only person that I have found that has the closest issue. I know that I toss and turn in my sleep at night. But this is just the way that I am and I have to turn in order to sleep. The problem is not as much stealing the blankets but being pushed off the bed. I wake up in the middle of the night hanging off the bed and I have to push her back over so I don't fall off the bed. I have to turn over and she yells at me for "kneeing" her or "elbowing" her. I explained to her that I am sorry about this but it is something that i need to do because I am being pushed off the bed. And I tried to explain nicely that I am not kneeing her or elbowing her consciously but that it is something that i need to do in order to sleep and keep from falling off the bed. And thatt if she does not like being kneed or elbowed then I need some room. and she can be on her side of the bed. Most of the time the dog is sleeping on the bed too but instead of moving the dog off the bed she opts to push me off. Then I get yelled at for pushing her. I honestly think she is super crabby in the morning all the time. I try to be the most patient person with her I would never yell at her for waking me. But I will not stand for being yelled at first thing in the morning for something that I do subconsciously in my sleep when she is on my side pushing me off and the dog is taking up her half of the bed. She has a new job that is pretty demanding and I know that she needs her sleep. But she is crabby and argumentative with me more so than with girlfriends in the past. And I am just not sure that this is something I want to have to deal with every morning for the rest of my life. If she could change a bit I could see myself with this girl. But I am curious about your situation and to see how things are working out?
A
male
reader, shoes2000 +, writes (21 October 2010):
Hi Andy00,I can completely relate to your problem. I have been having this same problem with my girlfriend. And this morning it was so bad that I just had to leave her house. I was looking for similar problems online but you are the only person that I have found that has the closest issue. I know that I toss and turn in my sleep at night. But this is just the way that I am and I have to turn in order to sleep. The problem is not as much stealing the blankets but being pushed off the bed. I wake up in the middle of the night hanging off the bed and I have to push her back over so I don't fall off the bed. I have to turn over and she yells at me for "kneeing" her or "elbowing" her. I explained to her that I am sorry about this but it is something that i need to do because I am being pushed off the bed. And I tried to explain nicely that I am not kneeing her or elbowing her consciously but that it is something that i need to do in order to sleep and keep from falling off the bed. And thatt if she does not like being kneed or elbowed then I need some room. and she can be on her side of the bed. Most of the time the dog is sleeping on the bed too but instead of moving the dog off the bed she opts to push me off. Then I get yelled at for pushing her. I honestly think she is super crabby in the morning all the time. I try to be the most patient person with her I would never yell at her for waking me. But I will not stand for being yelled at first thing in the morning for something that I do subconsciously in my sleep when she is on my side pushing me off and the dog is taking up her half of the bed. She has a new job that is pretty demanding and I know that she needs her sleep. But she is crabby and argumentative with me more so than with girlfriends in the past. And I am just not sure that this is something I want to have to deal with every morning for the rest of my life. If she could change a bit I could see myself with this girl. But I am curious about your situation and to see how things are working out?
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A
female
reader, baybay +, writes (22 December 2009):
 if this is the only issue and she isnt a b**** like this toward everything
then shes just a grumpy sleeper that needs her beauty sleep
my advice is simple
get that bed on tv that people are jumping around and the wine doesnt spill
therefore she cant complain about the moving
as for bumping into her that odviously ticks her off
put pillows inbetween you guys
and the coldness issue is the easies
have your own blanket duhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
good luck:)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2009): I love my fiance to bits but he keeps me awake at night with his snoring and stealing the duvet. I often wake up cold or have to roll him over. And yes, it does get me down. When we first started sharing a bed I couldn't believe his snoring, although I have got more used to it now. I usually wake about 3 or 4 times a night. When we go home to visit my folks my sister can hear him snoring through the wall. We talk about it a lot; occasionally I do get annoyed by it because it is worse when he's been drinking. However I know he can't help it, and he is also apologetic about it. I don't take it out on him (mostly) when I can't sleep, and if it's really bad I go and sleep next door. We have the luxury of a spare room which is sometimes a godsend. I suggest that you a)take another duvet if you intend to share the same bed next time or b)take a sleeping bag and then you can go into another room, or even onto the floor, if u can't sleep. Then at least you will be warm and she can't accuse you of moving around and keeping her awake. I sometimes listen to the radio on headphones which help me drop off. Her blaming you for waking her up and getting in a sulk is very immature and not very nice of her, not to mention unreasonable. If she is not prepared to address the problem in a mature way then I don't think you are out of order considering ending things. She is being very selfish; what does she expect? if you share a bed with someone you get benefits, but you also get broken sleep. She can't hold this against you everytime you wake her up. I also think that the way she seems to be behaving is maybe indicative of the way she is. People are not only selfish about the duvet.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2009): oh didnt this post make me laugh! I know its not funny but...my hubby snores loudly, mumbles and mutters, doesnt keep his hands to himself even in his sleep. And now hes started holding his breathe...so i cant sleep when hes too loud, or too quiet...life is a trade off and you learn to pick your battles. Fix the fixable, compromise, adapt, adjust, ...its the name of the game. Its just part of life. The other aunts gave good advice, separate covers...bigger bed...or it may be like living by the train tracks...you get used to it: lol :) welcome to the real world, and happy snoozing! Mal
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A
female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (18 December 2009):
 Ahhh yes...student loans. I havent even started paying mine back yet!!
It sounds like she is just grumpy as hell! She may be one of those people who needs uninterrupted sleep. She may not be used to sharing a bed, in which case, she is just going to have to get used to it if you are going to stay over. How long have you been together and how often do you sleep overnight together?
It was only one night, she will get over it. Just let her have her little strop, and she will calm down. :) I think this has nothing to do with you, it sounds like she is just having a hormonal grump.
Dont go breaking up over something so small if you really like her.
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A
male
reader, Andy00 +, writes (18 December 2009):
Andy00 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Just to say, we're both students at university. We don't have the money or the need to buy new beds for our houses... that student loan runs out quickly enough, I can tell you! I have two duvets at my house. I would have brought one to hers, but I wasn't completely sure I'd be spending the night. This will help future problems, but I'm not sure what to do now...
It's been several hours now and she hasn't contacted me. She sounded angry when we exchanged text messages this morning. I apologized for disturbing her, but she didn't even acknowledge it, instead she remained fixated on blaming me for her not getting enough sleep, and I find that incredibly disrespectful.
...What should I do from here? I'm considering breaking things off, but the christmas holiday is so close by, there doesn't seem to be any reason to throw the relationship away. Not at this point anyway. What do you think?
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A
female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (18 December 2009):
Have you got a standard double bed?
If you have I suggest getting either a king size or queen size duvet - this will hang further over the edges of the bed, and means she can hog the covers all she wants, but there should still be plenty for you! also maybe invest in a bedspread, which help to weigh down the covers making it more difficult to yank away from the other half :)
Either that or separate beds. Sleeping together is just something she is going to have to get used to, or realise that you just cannot share a bed with her to sleep!
Good luck!!
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (18 December 2009):
 My husband snores and talks in his sleep...a lot. After all these years I can pretty much tune it out but I know another couple who have a wonderful marriage AND separate bedrooms (for sleeping purposes only). I suggest a second blanket and if that doesn't work, then a separate bed.
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A
female
reader, tjazzy  +, writes (18 December 2009):
Sounds like she's on something or else she's got anger management issues. This has serious implications for the future of your relationship. Unless of course you look forward to a happily ever after in twin beds.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (18 December 2009):
 I hate when people mess with me when I'm sleeping. After almost 12 years together, hubby and I have at least two duvet in the bedroom. Hubby is a blanket "hog" so it is just easier to have each our own blanket.
Now if you can't sleep why not get up and go lie down on the sofa? Or stop sleeping at her place.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2009): This is a common problem! Not all couples experience discomforts like these, but the majority invest in larger beds, and separate blankets and of course, their own pillows. Some beds are even made so that the one side is harder than the other after request so that you both can have it exactly the way you need and still sleep in the same bed. Some people are very grumpy when asleep. She could be one of those who is sunshine when she's awake, but a demon when she's sleeping/being disturbed from her sleep. I speak from my own experience. Often when I get woken up I am actually still sleeping and can barely remember yelling at the other person the following morning. If she's great otherwise, just respect that you need a new bed or a new girlfriend. But trust me: it's very common that couples invest in more suitable beds after a while of being together. At some point you just want to sleep at night instead of spooning.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2009): she's weird. am 21 years and well i would never mind when my ex was waking me up middle of the night. He would even wake me like 3am and said he can't sleep and when he comes late i would get up and make him a tea and all that. even days he was not staying at mine, he would text me late saying he can't sleep. But eventually he started taking all that for granted. try talking to her.
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A
female
reader, neongenesisjuliet +, writes (18 December 2009):
RAINORFIRE's idea of a second duvet is a great idea; aside from that, no you're not being at all unreasonable. If she's barking at you and, heavens, KICKING you just for shifting to get comfortable and trying to sleep, she's a bit out of line, especially if she's not talked to you about it like an adult.
If you're both fond of spooning or holding one another in your sleep, if you happen to wake up, try latching onto her like that. Might be a more positive way for her to be "disturbed from sleep" and it's a good way for you to maintain warmth as well.
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A
male
reader, RAINORFIRE +, writes (18 December 2009):
 well i dont kno what a duvet is but im guessing if you get another one that could help some of your problem sounds like a biger bed and better mattres could help aswell. you can get an air matress and sleep on that when your at her place. suggest stop sleeping in the bed and maybe she will get the hint or stop staying over at her place.
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