A
female
age
30-35,
*imeexx
writes:I am 17 years old and lost my virginity to my boyfriend 9 months ago. We've been together for a little over a year now. It's never really felt that great when we've had sex. I've always thought I had a problem but I don't know if it's me or him or what it is. It takes a toll on our relationship and I don't know what to do anymore. Also, I've never really masturbated before and I tried to once or twice, but it also felt like nothing. What can I do??
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female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (9 January 2011):
 Wow. Do you know WHY you are having sex? Because if you don't know why, then I sure don't!
Sex is for when you understand why you are having it. You haven't achieved an orgasm yet because you are too shy about sex to masturbate, and yet you have started a sexual relationship.
WHY? That's because you think that you need to have sex with a guy just because he has asked.
Sex is for when you are old enough to accept the responsibilities of becoming a parent, for when you find the right guy to raise a family with; and for when you have found someone with which you have the MOST intimate relationship in the world with in order to be able to communicate your most intimate needs to.
To expect a 17 year old boy to fulfill this when YOU don't even know what you want is expecting far too much; not to mention becoming parents before you are both ready. You need to learn how to stop things before you are ready for them and just say no. To be involved in a relationship where you are having sex and not enjoying it is ridiculous.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2011): the most important aspect of a relationship is comunication try talking about it mayb try a few new things that might spice up the sex but its normal to feel a little dissapointed now and again it could just be you havnt found the position you feel comfortable, iv been with my partener two years and we try anything even if we hate it after we just dnt do it again lol but sex isnt the most important thing, as long as you love the person your doing it with it can never be bad.playing with eachother and just holing eachother can get you more exited before sex, mayb teasing little, you never know what you will like unless you try it
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (9 January 2011):
Hi there. It depends on what you mean by if either of you has a problem, that it's not very enjoyable.
I am guessing that you are not having an orgasm.
You would know if you did, because you would have a tingly feeling starting in the middle of your abdomen and all throughout the nerve endings in your genital area. It can be anything from mild to very intense, and it changes from one time to the next - depending on whether you are really in the mood or not, sick, tired, agitated from a bad day, just so many things.
Perhaps you don't both spend enough time on foreplay, and so are not fully enough aroused to actually have sex. Just because a man has an erection doesn't mean that you are ready. It takes up to 20 minutes for a woman to be aroused enough to have sex and enjoy it. This can vary also, at different times of your menstrual cycle.
So just experiment with the foreplay, and find out what feels good and what doesn't, and see how it goes. But don't be in any hurry to get into the sex act as soon as you get into bed. If that is what's happening, it's no wonder you don't enjoy it very much, and seemingly feel nothing.
To find out what feels good for you, try when you are on your own and have complete privacy, touching your own genitals and be gentle because the lubrication might take a couple of minutes to happen. You could try gently rubbing your nipples, this is a very sensitive area of the female body, and you will feel something in your genital area at the same time as you do that. It might also start the lubrication happening.
Once lubrication happens, just gently touch yourself in different ways and see and notice how your body reacts over several minutes, then you will start to feel tiny little tingles in your vaginal area, which over time (with continued stimulation), build and build until it becomes very intense throughout your whole body. This is then known as an orgasm. It can last anything from a few seconds to a few minutes, then over a few minutes, it gradually fades until it's barely there at ll.
It's an incredibly enjoyable feeling and you will feel very relaxed afterwards.
Getting to know your own body by masturbating, will then help you when you are with your boyfriend, and you can guide him to doing what feels good for you.
Once you know what feels good for you, you will definitely find that your lovemaking will be much more enjoyable to you and him both, from that point onwards.
The main thing is to just relax, take your time and enjoy every single second. Take as much time as you both need, the longer the better.
Take care and best wishes.
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A
female
reader, Abbii_xxx  +, writes (9 January 2011):
 alrite 2bh wen you first start having sex it wont feel all that good.. honestly it takes quite a long time for it to start feeling good. but also it really does depend on who you are having sex with. but seeing as this is your boyfriend if there is passion and romance in the relationship it will probly get alot better. and on masturbation iv neva eva masturbated, iv had people doo it to me but apart from that nuffing really. but yer jus give yourself time and maybe you could try and do some things to spice up your sex life. xx hope it all works out for you xx
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A
female
reader, AshyCole +, writes (9 January 2011):
 I know where your comming from hun :) its mostly a mind set i found out, you have to be REALLY into to it for sex to feel awesome. you have to really WANT the person and not be afraid to shove him down on the bed with force every now and then ;P for me, it helped thinking about how much i loved my boyfriend and how he was mine, and knowing that I turned him on. Think about how hot he is, and it drives you wild when he does something. also, stimulation is a must (just telling you some things in case you dont already know) and im not talking about masterbation. make him do it for you and vice vera ;) sexy little games also spice things up and who says it always has to be in the bedroom? sometimes, its fun to just tease each other untill you both cant take it anymore. and dont be afraid to try new things.hope this helped!
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