A
male
age
41-50,
*oul83
writes:I've been discussing an issue with my mate about setting boundaries to behaviour when out clubbing. He believes it's perfectly fine to let your girlfriend dance with other guys.I'm a bit more traditional in my thinking and worry about it sending out the wrong message if my girl is dancing with strangers - just the thought of some guy getting off over my gf. I think it's fine to dance with guys that we know eg. friends. But as for strangers, it's pushing it a bit too far.Whilst on that topic, my gf is convinced I should be dancing with other girls - according to her 'learning how to charm others'. I've told her that even though she's my first gf, it should be fine for me to only dance with her and her friends (and not strangers) if I'm happy in the relationship and committed to her. I tried out dancing with another girl that I liked the look of but couldn't keep going considering my gf is right there plus it didn't feel right considering we are meant to be in a serious relationship. Perhaps I'm too traditional??She also occassionally suggests that one day we should go together to visit a 'massage parlour' - to which I've replied in disgust because there's no way I'll visit what is effectively a prostitute. Told her it's my body and I'll decide what's right for me and she should respect my decision. I would never do it and if I'm happy with her, then I don't need to look elsewhere (I'd end the relationship before moving on).
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2010): I see neither of you right or wrong. My husband of 16 years has no problem with my dancing with strangers. In our case it has more to do with the fact that he does not like to dance. But it is by no means an accommodation that is foisted on him. He is perfectly comfortable.
That said, you are not. The question is not who is right and who is wrong about what is ok. The question is what do you and your gf want to be ok and not ok? Is it set in stone? Is it negotiable? Can you understand the source of your feelings? Are you incompatible?
Just don't go after this as a right fight or you will get lost in the mire of unanswerable questions.
A
male
reader, soul83 +, writes (18 April 2010):
soul83 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAfter considering it all at much more length, I've come to the conclusion that it's fine if we are dancing amongst a group of people. For instance, when the dancefloor is packed with people it's fine to be dancing with others right?So as long as we set ourseleves limits I think it's fine. No kissing/hugging/grinding or anything of a close/intimate or sexual nature. Just dancing around is no problem! I think it would be incredibly immature of me to start saying that we must only dance with each other etc. Dancing in a nightclub can be fun if you are dancing around with no intention of specifically dancing with one person...So I've decided to be a lot more flexible in my thinking and just make sure that we are both aware of the limits and what's considered acceptable behaviour. For the majority of the time, my girl doesn't let any guys in on her group of friends. Or at least lets the single ones dance with the guys while she backs off. I keep a bit of a watchful eye just to be on the safe side though :-/As for me, I still think I will have my traditional feelings of not wanting to dance so much with other girls unless I know them...Only one incident sticks out in my mind from our times at the bar and it was when some guy came up behind her and was trying to grind her. I was so disappointed and starting to get pissed off at him. But he saw me closing in and backed off. It's these kinds of things that upset me about the whole bar scene. I don't like other guys getting so close to her but that's just because I'm being protective.
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia  +, writes (18 April 2010):
 I think you said it best - you're more traditional in her thinking, and she's a wild one who enjoys watching you get pleasure from other women. Maybe the jealousy morphs into sexiness for her. Some people enjoy sharing their significant other.
There is NOTHING WRONG with the way that you prefer things. I would just say goodbye to this girl and find someone who, like Tigerlilt says, only wants to dance with you. I think you - and her - will ultimately be much happier.
Good luck, sweetness!
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (18 April 2010):
It sounds like you and your girlfriend are just not compatible sexually.
Being traditional is fine. The world would be very boring if we all had the same views on everything.
But you might be a lot happier if you found a traditionally minded girl.
This girl sounds wild, and possibly not the one for you. She needs a wild man just like you need a traditional girl.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, Tigerlily +, writes (18 April 2010):
Hmmmm. So your girlfriend wants to go out and dance with strangers right in front of you? And she wants you do to the same? That's kinda weird. If my boyfriend and I are at club the only one I want to dance with is him.
Perhaps what you need is a new girlfriend... one who only wants to dance with you.
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