A
male
age
51-59,
*elly james
writes:My wife and I spilt up last october. but i sort professional help for my problems and i became a changed man. for the last 9 months we bonded back again still separated but loving each other very much. bonded too with our 2 children. her parents wanted her to have nothing to do with me. She has found this hard and came to the conclusion that should could never have me. Now out of the blue has met an old boyfriend from 20 yrs ago through that Facebook and told me its over. Told her Dad everything and now she is at her mums thinking about what to do next. I am trying to keep cool. I have said nothing about it and have tremdous support from my family. Its a real stuggle though. Not knowing whats going to happen. I'm scared to even see her again. Why has this happened so quickly with no indication that it was. I'm at my wits end.Kel
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female
reader, HonningKanin  +, writes (24 July 2008):
 Hello Kel,
Iam very impressed by your decision to try and work through the issues with your wife and looked for proffesional help to salvage a marriage, but the truth of the matter is she does have every right to think of herself in this situation. This is her life as well and she needs to make sure the decisions she makes in life are going to make her happy. I understand you want her to consider you too and I am sure she is, but you were unfaithful to her. You have hurt her and I know you realise now how much.
Even though you received help for your actions did she ever receive councling or anything for what you did to her?
I am sure she does care for you and may still love you, but she may still be very warry of you and is just too scared of being hurt again. Give her space and if she wants her freedom you can only give it to her and hope she learns to forgive and forget. Otherwise she will resent you for keeping her restrained when in her mind you have no right to.
Take Care and Best of Luck
HonningKanin
A
female
reader, Tessina +, writes (24 July 2008):
It sounds to me like she,s been so hurt by you that she needs to feel wanted by someone else, it doesn,t mean she wants them, just that after whats happened with you two has made her feel less of a woman,and needs to prove to herself that she is still lovable.. if it was me i,d want you to write me a letter and tell her exactly how you feel, make her feel like she,s the most important girl on the planet.. she,s confused because she doesn,t like the pain she,s feeling,if you can persuade her that you can make the hurt go away maybe you stand a good chance..
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A
male
reader, Kelly james +, writes (24 July 2008):
Kelly james is verified as being by the original poster of the questionBack in 2001 I had a fling. But we seemed to have got through it. We bought a Barn to convert. But after 3 yrs, May 2005, We just could not get on. We decided the best thing was for her to move out and sell the barn. But in September she decided to give me another chance. We moved to our present home. But I have had really bad issues in the past. Always flirting texting and generally being a real idiot. When we split again last October I decided that if I was to retain any dignity I was going to seek professional help. I have paid over £1000 over a period of 7 months and from the start of this Therepy I started to change. She liked it a lot. I formed a new bond with her and the children. But she kept our relationship from her family. I never stayed at the house. Living at my Mums. But we did a lot , Made Love , Passion, respect, I bought her flowers occaisonally. We all went on holiday. have days out tegteher. We were the new couple. But she was always guilty about her parents until last weekend it all blew up. She is back with her parents until she decides what to do. Our children start school in Spetember in Newcastle. Our yougest ,4, he has gone through nursery and starting same school as my daughter. They have all their friends, My wife has her good job. Childcare everything is all setup. I just hope she is not thinking of herself in all this. She commented on having freedom and reliving her youth again. Well surely when your a Mother at 38 you just cant have those things as she has suggested. We all have "OUR TIME" sometimes. Thats basically it.....
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A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (24 July 2008):
 Hi Kel
Thats a shame, especially when you put in a lot of effort to straighten yourself out. Maybe her folks have a big influence on her decisions. There isn't a lot you can do now. If she has made her choice thats it. I wouldn't mind betting the ex isn't the same as 20 yrs ago though, and that little fairtale wont materialise.
C xxxxx
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