A
female
age
36-40,
*riday
writes:My husband and I talked about the possibility of having another baby. Our financial situation isn't perfect, it never will be, but yes, money has been tight. Last year I went through cancer testing because of a 5 month long menstrual cycle and constant vaginal/uterine pain. They ran tests and realized I had endometriosis and PCOS. I had an enlarged uterine lining and abnormal cells as well but they promised it wasn't cancer. They then put me on birth control and it helped my cycles, things started to get better. It's been almost 2 years that we've done the whole "oh let's have sex without birth control and try to have a baby". I stopped taking the pill they put me on to regulate my cycles shortly after they prescribed it. The last u/s proved that I'm anovulatory and I can't make any eggs.... The next step would be fertility medication and he's wishy-washy about it. He has the approach that if it happens it will happen and that for PCOS I should lose weight like his step sister did. All she did was lose weight and she got pregnant- he doesn't realize that blocked tubes, cysts covered ovaries, and the fact I don't make any eggs will be a lot more complicated then losing 5% of my body weight. I took him out for his birthday and there was a woman that sat very near to us that was extremely pregnant. I almost broke down, I became depressed, and he told me that by my being sad was going to ruin his birthday. When I tell him how I feel after 2 years of not being able to get pregnant he doesn't seem to care. He changes the subject constantly. He never wants to talk about the fact we can't have another child without medical intervention. It breaks my heart hearing about other people getting pregnant after a little while of trying *such as his step sister* when we've been trying for 2 years... and he doesn't care. He refuses to listen to me cry about it.How do I get him to talk about it? How do I get him to understand the importance of this to me without being pushy? I just don't know what to do.
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female
reader, deejuliet +, writes (24 July 2008):
 Fertility treatments are expensive, intrusive and complicated. He may be intimadated, unconfortable or concerned about the costs. He may seem as though he doesnt care because he is afraid to show just how much he does care because that opens him up to being hurt. If you act stand offish about something it builds a barrier to the pain. He may be so concerned for your welfare and is happy with you and your family the way it is that he really doesnt want to mess with things. I think it is time to sit down and have a quiet, non confrontational talk. Tell him you need to understand what his thoughts and feelings are about all that is happening in your lives right now and what he wants for your future together. Then listen to his answers. I know it is very hard not to jump on everything he says that may not agree right off with your way of thinking, but try very hard to just listen and then discuss. Do not attack, cry or add a lot of, "but I want..." Once you understand him, then the two of you can work together to decide how to proceed. This may mean fertility treatments, adoption or just being satisfied witht the family you already have. If you do already have a child, then you have been blessed, and maybe you need to just count your blessings.
A
female
reader, TELLULAH  +, writes (24 July 2008):
 I dont mean to sound harsh, I understand how hard it is on you, but it would seem that having a baby is more important to you than him. OR perhaps it is important but he's just not allowing it to take over his life like you are. You have a child already (I think from your post) maybe if you just relax about the whole situation, he will come round to your way of thinking, and be more suportive. You are still only young and have lots of time. I think the more you push the more he will back off.
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