A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Dear All, I have separated from my husband six months ago. And we are living in different cities. I am going to the city where he lives next week.I still have feelings for him. But I have hurt him very badly in the past. I have a lot of guilt regarding that because I was having an affair with another man. Due to the guilt , I was not able to have sex with him. I still cannot imagine doing it with him.Now the question is should I visit him? I still like him a lot and prays for him. Will visiting only hurt him more?Please..need your advice.I have stopped having the affiar beacuse that guy ditched me.m
View related questions:
affair Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2009): my wife has the same story,dumped by her lover,has talked of possible reconciliation but has not realised what she has done to me.if in separation you have rediscovered feelings for your husband then maybe see him but if u cant imagine sex with him it seems to me you are only trying to minimise your guilt.take it from me you have wounded him very very deeply and he doesn`t need another hit so stay away until you want him back as a husband not a friend!
A
male
reader, softtouchmale2003  +, writes (15 August 2009):
 I'm a bit torn on this one. But it seems to me that you had an affair for some reason. You don't want sex with your husband. What I think you want is for him to forgive you.
What I don't see is some commitment to restart your marriage.
I think the problem here is that if you go back to him, can he trust you and if not, why would he want to deal with you again? Some people are forgiving and have no problem taking you back. But you said you don't want sex with him because of the guilt. So to me, you're the one with the problem here.
I'm not saying you're a bad person. People make mistakes in life. But maybe your marriage was over with before the affair started? If that was the case, going back to see him isn't going to change the pain both of you are suffering unless both of you want to try again.
But again I don't see that. Maybe he's not ready yet and I think you're not ready yet either.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2009): Dear M
I have taken 2 extracts of your post to unravel.
“I still cannot imagine doing it with him.” What the hell does this mean. You cannot see yourself having sex with your husband again. Feeling his touch, his breath on yours and so forth. Then why rub salt in his wounds again.
“I have stopped having the affiar beacuse that guy ditched me.” – so your lover did the dirty on you. He used you and dumped you. You would have continued your affair if he was willing.
Just from the two points above why in hell would you want to mess up your husbands life again. For goodness sake you have put him through enough already. Leave this man alone. He needs peace in his life so that he can forget the misery you put him through. I think you have done enough devastation in your hb’s life. It is time to move on. You are such a cunning cunning wife. Your lover dumps you and now you want to run back to your husband? I hope for his sake he has enough sense to shut the door when he sees you. You have not learnt anything from your affair. You see, you need a man in your life. If you had your lover, then you wouldn’t give a damn about your husband, would you. Your hb has suffered enough at your cruel hands. Please do the decent thing, if you can, and leave him alone. He deserves a chance at finding happiness with someone who will not cheat on him. I am hoping now 6 months later he has moved on with someone else. You certainly did until your lover left you. Now please stop hurting this man. The damage has been done and there is no going back.
...............................
A
male
reader, Sandman +, writes (15 August 2009):
 Are you attempting to fight for your marriage? Are you attempting to win back the affections of your husband? Are you planning on telling your husband how deeply sorry you are and your plans for reconciliation should he come back to you? Do you still love your husband and plan NEVER to cheat again?
If so, then fight for your man! Too often people forget that as humans we make mistakes and we need to be forgiven, it was written. But we don't forgive, and get angry or saddened when someone doesn't forgive us when we do them wrong. Forgive the person as you would like to be forgiven when you do something wrong.
But you are the one that needs to be forgiven - but you've first got to prove that you are worthy of his forgiveness. And that starts with positive dialogue which can only happen if you reach out to him to talk to him. How will you ever reconcile your marriage if you never talk to him or see him? This is the first step to reconciliation. But remember, he holds all the cards since you are the cheater - so be humble and understanding of his anger, frustrations, and quite possibly his rage. But keep pushing on. Keep fighting for your marriage until you either succeed or know for ABSOLUTE sure that he will never come back to you.
Hope this helps.
...............................
A
female
reader, \m/J.D\m/  +, writes (15 August 2009):
 quite simply. NO. hes moving on doing the best he can after you betrayed him. leave him be instead of making him re live the heartache you already put him through once.
...............................
A
male
reader, Ted-ster +, writes (15 August 2009):
Leave him alone. BTW, You didn't stop the affair: You were dumped.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2009): Dont visit him, You need to sort yourself out first. Get over your guilt and shame, what good could come out of visiting him?
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2009): dont you think you done this man enough damage.you already broke his heart once would you like a second chance so you could break it again .he have moved on so let him be. its not him you need to pray for its yourself you are the sinner
...............................
|
