A
female
age
30-35,
*iedee162
writes:Hai. Well..Obviously i have a problem..Its not that big i think..But i need to know yr opinion..I have this group of people i call them 'friends'..they have really bad habits.They drink,they smoke and others are doing drugs i think.But it kinda surprised me that they are smart people and sometimes they are top 5 in class.My parents considered me as the 'smart' ones.And lately they 'forbids' me being friends with them.I like being friends with them,cuz they're the only friends i have.I dont want them to hate me bcoz of this.Everytime my friends wanted to go out with me,my father would be so mad at me,and like right now,he's not talking to me bcoz of this..I swear to god im not like one of them,i just want to have friends..Thats all..What should i do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2009): Your question touches me. The thing is, I come from a family of teachers, lawyers, bookwriters, and the top successful salesmen, millionaires. I have the personality of a high achiever and strictness made me listen in class. I was in the top classes which doesnt mean anything really, except strictness put me there, but I was going places. We feared our parents, that's how we got well behaved to learn. I was to tell you the truth the odd one out of the class. I dated at 13 a boy and the police were contacted and I was put into an instition. Just me. I got back to school and naturally went to the top again having missed out schooling, because of the prior years. I oddly mixed in different worlds. I'm a strange one. My parents did everything they could to stop me. One Saturday I'd be with the private school kids whose parents were Drs, myself in 400 dollar clothes, and refined speech, and two days later the same kids would stare in shock as I had on a ripped jacket and was swearing along with tatooed guys and girls. Some just a bit rough, and some in gangs. I am now studying and working twice as hard, my family life is wrecked, my kids are wrecked and I have nothing to show for myself. I have to start over again. We all want things to be free and easy and have fun when we are young, but at what cost? You will get dragged down. When you have a family, free and easy is not fun. Try acheiving when you are dealing with police, courts, cyfs, etc. I am finally past that and full steam ahead. And I watch the video series of dreams by bob dylan because I am on the right track now, and I think you are going off the right track. So here's my story. Potential and wasted years with ruins. Yes, I know all about all those crowds. But I don't live in a very nice rented house, and all my family members are in mansions. And I can't get used to this yucky house.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2009): This is a new world to me. I was in all the smart classes, above middle stream; top stream and our behaviours were silent to listen in class and our interests were not partying. We were more so geeky. No, we didn't drink. No high achievers were in there who took drugs. No girls were interested in boys young either. We were all conformists. Our parents were strict, not permissive. Drugs come from gangs usually. In my later years I dated a gang man, who was very permissive on his kids, for 9 years. Yes, there is good in every-one and yes we should be kind to every-one. But behind alcohol and drugs is problem behaviours and crime. At your age you are going places, up the ladder. You are still a puppy, and if you had your puppy you would want everything good for it. What if you took it to the park and others ran up cliffs. Dangerous ones. You would want it at a park with well behaved ones. Your Dad is frightened, he loves you, he is doing the right thing. Just watch the difference strictness makes in the years to come. I guess you are either an achiever or not. He is putting you in that direction.
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A
female
reader, Diedee162 +, writes (16 August 2009):
Diedee162 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionEh?Brunei darussalam is a very small country..And when i say very small,i mean it..Anyway..Its located on borneo island..Near to indonesia..Sorry..But thanks,i appreciate it. :)
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A
male
reader, RAINORFIRE  +, writes (15 August 2009):
 At 16 her parents are still in charge unless he is an emancipated minor but my rule is if you live under my roof and eat my food you do as i say.
hanging around people who do this stuff could put you at risk but i think your parents should trust you more if you hvnt gotten in trouble so far you should be good and if you get in trouble itll be a good lesson.
and where they heck is Brunei Durassalam
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A
female
reader, Diedee162 +, writes (15 August 2009):
Diedee162 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionEventhough all my friends are like that,they are very kind towards me,and they NEVER asked me to follow their habits,instead they asked me not to do it..I have been friends with them for almost two years now,and they never influenced me on doing so..I love them and non the less,my parents..And thanks to those who answered my question..I appreciate it..
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2009): Some choose to live with the grandparent who is the less strict
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2009): Fathers are naturally very protective of their daughters, and your father is no different.
The best I can suggest is that you show him your computer screen and what you've written here.
He will perhaps see that by forbidding you to see these friends he is making you lonely. Everyone needs friends, but could you not associate with people that your father approves of? He will only have your best interests at heart.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2009): Did this begin because of your behaviour in the home? Then they think your mates are 1.leading you astray or 2.You are being independent and setting up things with your mates without considering the role and position of your parents and asking them. And usually with smoke there is fire. A lot of kids get up to bad things and they may be influencing you away from that, to get new friends, but to still be kind to these past ones. I feel sorry for you because I was the same as a parent, but the other kids went a bad way and my son got out. However, I don't know if it effected my sons and my relationship, if I sacrificed this for himself doing better today. I do receive anger from him. And punishment back
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2009): you are 16,therefore you have the right too choose who your friends are not your parents.
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