A
female
age
30-35,
*onfused_girl_33
writes:My boyfriend and I have been seeing eachother for about 7 months. I love him and want to do anything to make us work, but I feel like he's more interested in porn than me. We have sex once a week, if that, and usually I have to ask for it to get it. Then, when we do, he nearly always does it in a position he knows wont give me an orgasim. So I'm lucky if I get one once a month. Yet, I catch him with porn on my computer. He says he loves me and is sexually attracted to me which makes me really confused. I guess what I want to know, is how he would rather have porn than have sex with me, yet still say he's sexually attracted to me? I'm so confused.
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2011): I'm having the same problem with my boyfriend and I recently posted a similar question. We used to watch porn together and do things together but now he prefers to please himself to porn rather than being with me. When we do have sex it takes him forever and a day to get off. I know that I'm not the problem because I have a great body and am still tight, but you would think that he's just not interested in real life sex! He gets off to porn everynight and I'm lucky to get physical with him once every two weeks. If I were you, I would just leave his ass. Your relationship shouldn't have this kind of problem so soon. It would be understandable if you guys were together for years, or were married. You deserve a man that will be obsessed with your body and not other women's bodies. Hell I guess I answered my own question.
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female
reader, confused_girl_33 +, writes (26 January 2011):
confused_girl_33 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you foolishsage. I really have appreciated your input. It has been so helpful and I think you're right. Maybe he's just not ready for the commitment I need from him.
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male
reader, foolishsage +, writes (26 January 2011):
 Ugh - if he's trying to turn it around on you in this fashion, then I don't really think much of him to be honest.
He's unaccountable of his own actions and hasn't expressed any sign of concern for how you feel as a result of his actions & lack of actions.
He's very selfish. Very likely that he's either got such serious self-esteem issues that he can't even admit it to himself and needs to address it before he's even capable of being in a relationship - OR - he's just a big selfish jerk.
Either way, I'm sorry to say that it sounds like it is probably time to go as difficult as that may be. You're not getting your needs met and you've expressed it to him and he is completely non-receptive and even tries to turn it around on you. If it's his self-esteem just being that bad and him being such a horrible communicator and such a closed person to simply try to turn things around and cast blame on you, then even if he isn't trying to be a big jerk it doesn't sound like a healthy relationship for you and will wear you down more and more. You don't need that kind of emotional and mental drain.
I like to give everybody the benefit of the doubt, but it sounds like you already have done so and he seems to be proving that he's no longer worthy of it for one reason or another. Sometimes we see what we want to see and not what's actually there. Try your best to remove yourself from the situation and look at it from the outside looking in and I think you'll probably agree - whatever is going on inside his head isn't your problem, but what is apparent is that you're better off without him.
Time to rip off the bandaid, amiga. It hurts for a while at first, but you'll be stronger for it and a lot better off.
Be tough, respect yourself, put your needs where they should be - first.
Best wishes
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female
reader, confused_girl_33 +, writes (25 January 2011):
confused_girl_33 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the input everyone. It really leaves me with a lot to think about. Maybe it's time to re-evaluate the realationship...
Foolishsage: I would really like to agree with you, and I think that his self esteem could very well be part of the problem.
Back to everyone...when I confronted him about this issue he said he thinks I am upset because I just have "serous self-esteem problems". What do you think?
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reader, foolishsage +, writes (25 January 2011):
Confused_girl,I've seen several questions lately in regards to people not being sexually fulfilled in their relationship and of people feeling unwanted in that regard. Now, without knowing your boyfriend and how open he is about his feelings or how well he communicates - it could be just as others here have said and that he's simply a selfish jerk - OR it could be that he is having some major self-esteem issues. If he is feeling unattractive, then he may tend to not want to have sex with another person because he feels badly about himself - the position that he tends toward (while I don't know what it is and I'm going out on a limb) may be one that he doesn't feel as bad about himself in (could be because less of his body is visible to either himself or you or because he simply feels more dominant and in control in that particular position). I'm not necessarily saying that I disagree with what anyone else has said - I'm merely exploring other possibilities that may apply.
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reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (25 January 2011):
At 7 months, no decent relationship should be like this. This goes beyond just porn. The porn I get - that's not an indication that he isn't attracted to you.
But he's not interested in you at all. He basically turns up for his own pleasure then turns over and that's it. I'm not sure you should really bother with this guy.
Look beyond the porn - look to who he is. He's not that great, and seems pretty selfish and uninterested in you to me. I think you can do better.
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