A
male
age
41-50,
*arlos JOSEPH
writes:I have been with my Fiancee for 2 years and love her with all my heart but it seems like she just doesnt wanna sleep with me anymore. Before we moved in together the passion was strong and chemistry couldnt be contained. we used to make love at least 3 times a night twice to three times a week. Now there is always an excuse for why she dont wanna do anything.I have tried everthing, the romantic touch,taking her out, playing, dressing up, flowers, her favourite love songs yet nothing ive even tried asking, how sad.... it's always tireness, theres no time, she's feeling to fat but she is always giving her friends tips. She quotes how she would do naughty things to guys on the telly but pays me no mind. over the past year we have only made love 12 times that works out once a month. We have talked about and she has admitted that she has been avoiding it do to her own insecurity and weight issues. I love her regaurdless and know she loves me she is my best friend and more and would never cheat on her , she is my world and dont wanna break up over sex what should I do.
View related questions:
best friend, fiance, flowers, moved in Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2011): Danceinthedark - did you actually READ this guy's post???? It's clear he has done EVERYTHING right to try and improve the situation.
I'm afraid my advice is to get out now. It will not improve. I went through this - she just went off sex completely. Doctors checked her out, she was fine. She had no weight issues or insecurities and said she was totally and utterly in love with me and didn't want to be with anyone else. She just had no sex drive. I did everything I could to make her feel wanted, loved, romantic, everything. Didn't happen. After FIVE YEARS of this (at age 36) I called it quits, as it made me feel like a roommate and totally unloved due to lack of any intimacy. Hardest thing I ever did but the right thing. This is some years ago and I see her from time to time - she's still single and lonely because of this. I, happily, have found a wonderful partner.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2011): If you are willing to give up sex stick with her. You put your age at 26-29. Do you REALLY want to waste your most fertile years with a woman so insecure that she doesn't engage in the 2nd most basic instinct? My advice as a fellow man: get the hell out. Being in love is *not* enough. You state you don't want to break up for sex but trust me ... you will. I've seen it with my friends. I'm assuming shes around your age and let us face it ... she is too old for this crap.
...............................
A
female
reader, DanceInTheDark  +, writes (25 January 2011):
 As a girl who has insecurity and weight issues, here is my advice.
You need to be loving and caring towards her, tell her she's beautiful. You ALSO need to make her feel sexually desired. Flirt with her. Hit on her. Buy her lingerie, and tell her how bad you want to see her in it, Hug her from behind and lightly kiss her neck, Send her sexy texts, Tell her what you love about her body
You need to find a balance between being loving, and sexual towards her.
...............................
A
male
reader, Illithid  +, writes (25 January 2011):
 Dude. I've been there. Three years with a girl that wouldn't touch me. We did end up splitting. I hope it doesn't go that way with you, but you have to talk and work and fix it. If she doesn't WANT to fix it though, you can't fix her. If you want to just live without sex for her, know that willpower fades and self esteem crumbles and relationships don't last when one partnet totally cuts the other off and refuses to accept responsibility for her (or his) healing.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2011): I went through a similar phase with my boyfriend of two years. Granted, we weren't engaged, but still it had a strain on our relationship. I was the one unwilling to hookup with my partner because there were other things in the relationship that were driving us apart. I was going through a rough part of my life and felt insecure of my weight which played a HUGE role. The best thing to do is give her some space, alone time, but make sure you show her that you care. Remind her how beautiful she is, how much you care, do little things. If she still doesn't...at some point you have to look after your own happiness.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2011): yeah, tell me about it. i know exactly what you mean. my husband used to be the most romantic guy on earth and made me feel like the only woman on the planet. our sex life was making love often but now its none existant. on the rare occasions we do he has had no remorse in letting me know its purely so he gets rid of the urge so hes not cheating on me.
you sound like a very honest genuine guy who loves your fiancee dearly. its nice to hear.
have you tried asking whats wrong or tell her your concern and bemused why she doesnt want to have sex with you.
one common reason is people dont need it at home if theyre getting it elsewhere. but dont think im suggesting that cause im not.
i really hope things get sorted out.
...............................
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (25 January 2011):
I think you need to have another discussion with her seriously about where this is going.
The fact is, sex IS important in a relationship. It's clearly not everything, but it's big enough to cause marriages to collapse. You say now that you won't cheat - I believe that. But in five years, you may well be in a position where your then wife is offering you nothing, not even affection, and another woman might. And that's all it takes. People never think they'll have affairs until they happen.
Your girlfriend is allowing her insecurities to erode your relationship. That's simply not a strong foundation for a marriage.
I know you don't want to break up, but I'll tell you now that unless things change, in ten years it'll be over and you'll have wasted time.
Both you and her need to address these issues of hers. Forget sex for the moment, and try, with her, to solves these problems.
But please don't marry if you're not getting what you want whilst she does. You'll end up divorced.
...............................
|
