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female
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anonymous
writes: I can't relax in my relationship because i'm scared that if i let my guard down i'll get hurt. I'm 16, and until my current bf my longest relationship had been 6 days, purely because I'm scared to let people get to know me, so they dump me pretty quickly. The guy i'm with now i met a year ago, and we started going out in December. I was so happy because it was the first time i'd actually been out with a guy that i was genuinely attracted to, instead of just going out with him because i wanted to be going out with someone. I fell in love with him but everything happened all too quickly and it ended badly at the end of January. I wasn't able to get over him and went into a horrible depression, not helped by him occasionally phoning me to chat because he was lonely and knew i still loved him. We started fooling around with eachother in may, but he didn't want a relationship because i was taking my exams and he was homeless and very depressed. But a few weeks later we got back together and everything was great until i got paranoid and we had an argument and decided to have a break. At the end of june we got back together again and we've been together ever since, and everything is so much better this time because he loves me back. But because of our messy past i'm so scared of losing him again because i love him so much and every time we split up before it was when i was just beginning to let my guard down, which is why it hurt so much. What can i do? i hate being on my guard but i can't control it because i'm so scared of getting hurt. I need some sense knocked into me, please help xx
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female
reader, carlyuk  +, writes (15 August 2006):
 well it sounds like you need to feel very relaxed with this person and try and trust him not to hurt you.If you do trust him then you can let your guard down and feel comfortable being your self with him without the fear of being hurt. i hope i have helped xxxx
A
female
reader, soletshearit +, writes (15 August 2006):
 Listen honey you are very young to have these sort of pressures. If you are sure that he loves you as much as you do him then you shouldn't feel this way.
I have a friend just like you who never let her gaurd down and never let anyone in and has been single for many years, she had one short relationship within which she did start to let her gaurd down ever so slightly but she got her heart broken because she gave this guy the impression that she wasn't really as interested in a relationship as he was so he left! The one thing she did learn from this, however hard it was to have her heart broken, was how it feels to really like or even love someone which she had never experienced before.
What I am trying to say is...let your gaurd down, you are 16 and chances are you will have your heart broken more than once! I know its not nice but you learn more and more about yourself and about relationship from these harsh life lessons. If you and this guy are meant to be then it won't pass you by! There is no point in being in a relationship if you aren't gonna put your whole self into it and you aren't if you are keeping a blockade up to protect yourself.
Go with the flow, loosen up a little and let yourself go some more. What is the point in living in fear of loosing him! Enjoy having him, you will be more content!!!
Try and talk to him about your feelings, try communicate a bit more, let that blockade down....if it doesn't work then it wasn't meant to be and you will be one step closer to the one who is meant for you.
BEST OF LUCK, Keep me posted xxx
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