A
female
age
36-40,
*cehime86
writes:Hello, I'm a 21 yr old female currently in a relationship. This is my first boyfriend actually. I do want him and care for him a lot, i feel i've grown a lot thanks to him in many ways. I feel more confident about my looks and my way with people now. I find him really very attractive, and has brought great happiness into my life. We´ve been together for nearly three months now. He's beginning to talk about sex, however, i don't think i'm ready (i'm still a virgin). It's not that i wouldn't like it...of course i would! but i feel i shouldn't do it. Now take this into consideration, I live in Mexico, and here, people is more conservative in the USA. Were I in the USA i probably wouldn't give it that much thought. I'm not a religious person, but i can't help feeling guilty about sleeping with a guy...all this teachings about sins and immoral behaviour come to mind...and sometimes here a girl is usually branded as an "easy" girl or a slut just for sleeping with one guy. Even my own mother thinks in such a way. Of course, that's beginning to change, but it's still difficult. Besides, i'm also scared about the emotional consequences of getting more sexually involved with him (right now we are on second base i think..), of getting hurt badly and stuff...I would appreciate any suggestions, views and opinions on the matter.THank you :)
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second base, still a virgin Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2007): I agree with the other posters that 3 months is probably too soon. Tell him you arent ready, it is a good start to talk about it openly as communication is very important. Once you are ready, I think you should not hold thoughts in your mind about emotional consequences. That is part of life and its experiences...the good and the bad. If he is still around in a year then you obviously will have a much better relationship and you will know that sex is not all he is after. Take the intimate times slowly. It is my belief that organized religion tries to make people feel bad about open sexuality and its totally unnecessary to feel that way. You have control over your body, its normal and healthy to have sexual feelings and the desire to fulfill them. Just be catious and everything will work out.
best of luck
A
female
reader, tulipdame +, writes (3 November 2007):
Get married to him. You all should be talking about marriage not sex. I feel this way very strongly, and I know both sides of the story - the "conservative" religious old-world way and the anything goes don't think twice American way, and I've come to feel very strongly that the American way doesn't work. There are a lot of ways to see sex and relationships but people always come back to the Bible's way of seeing things - which is to get married.
You have had a good upbringing and have good values but living in Mexico you probably think Americans know better about everything. You just have to look at the other posts on this site to see that is not true - people "exploring" sexual things you don't want to say out loud, breakups and infidelity, and generally lots of drama.
I know Mexican culture also has a lot of its own problems, but as far as pre-marital sex goes, it is not good how things are here, and especially not good for women. I think Mexicans still have relatively stable family structures and that is so important! The older I get the more I realize that.
Take care of your relationship with your boyfriend and don't let it get away from you. With sex it is too easy to lose control and forget why you two are together - it is to support each other and form a family, not for empty pleasure. All that will come in its time and it will be more meaningful when you both mean to stay together forever, not just hope so.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2007): If you are having all of these reservations then it only makes sense to go with your gut...you don't have to feel that you need to have sex with this guy just because he wants to do so....three months is not a long time to date really. I would hold out as long as possible, ideally until he asks you for a commitment, as if you give in too early he may actually quickly lose interest in you, some guys are like that.
No one can make this decision for you, it is based on your beliefs, desires, and wants and feelings of love and trust and safety in this relationship...seems to me you haven't arrived to that place yet. Slow down and use your mind and your instincts, they won't let you down...Happy for you that you are feeling good about this relationship so far.
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A
female
reader, peaches83  +, writes (3 November 2007):
 You have answered the question for yur self hunny. You said you dont feel ready just yet.
He's beginning to talk about sex, however, i don't think i'm ready
People all over the world especially women get called names for sleeping with a guy. Even here in england. Yes it hurts to hear people say that but really does it have anything to do with them? is it any of there buissness?
When you feel comfterble do it because you want to dot listen to other people. It may be the happiest time of your life and the start of a beautiful long relationship maybe resultin in marrige.
God luck adn listen to your heart.
Peaches
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