A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm 19. I've been with my boyfriend for just over a year, and I've built up this barrier in our sex life. I'm afraid to have anal sex, so much so that I've made him believe I can't have it or I'll freak out. I know he had anal sex in his previous relationship and I know he enjoyed it. We have tried a few times but the pain is terrible, so much so that he's never even been able to penatrate me. I just can't understand how a you can get pleasure from that. We have great sex but I feel bad that I'm not giving him everything he wants :(
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2010): If you really don't want to do it then don't! You say you have great sex so your boyfriend is obviously happy with your sexlife the way it is. You should never compare yourself to his ex girlfriends as they are his exes for a reason. Furthermore, you are lucky to have a boyfriend that respects your wishes.
But if you ever decide you do want to do it then use loads of lube and do it reeeally slowly. It really hurts the first few times of having anal sex but after that it is quite nice!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2010): First off, from a male's perspective particularly one that would love to have anal sex with his woman, but won't because she doesn't want it for various reasons. Even though I would like it, I respect the woman's right to deny it. Anal sex should be something that BOTH of you wantm not just doing it for him, and if he has no problem putting you through that pain for his pleasure then maybe you have to think about whether he is the right guy.With that being said IF you want to enjoy anal sex, you need to first drop the fear of it. Fear only makes you more tense and increases the pain. There will be initial pain, but with enough lube and patience you should be able to get past that and to the point of enjoying it. Make sure you:- Use plenty of lube. Your anus doesn't self lubricate like your vagina so you need to lube it.- Have him take his time in penetration, don't rush it, take it slowly and work up to it, maybe start with fingers, Rome wasn't built in a day.- Set the mood. Make the environment as relaxing as possible. You need to relax and release any tensions, if you are tense or fearful it will make it more painful.Even following these there will still be pain, the first few times, but gradually you should either find it more pleasurable or come to the conclusion that it's just not your thing and at least you gave it a try and at that point your bf should be grateful that you gave it a shot.
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A
female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (11 January 2010):
 Stop beating yourself up. If you don't enjoy it, don't worry about it. There are so many other ways to enjoy sexual excitement, that is just one tiny thing and personally I'm not sure that orfice was designed for that. I've actually seen people who really got into anal sex, end up wearing a Depends diaper for the rest of ther lives because once you stretch that muscle out, things that are suppose to stay up there just fall right out. Yuck! Somethings are meant to be tight for a reason. They're designed for things coming out, not things going in. Don't be pressured or feel bad.
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A
male
reader, baddogbj  +, writes (11 January 2010):
 Don't do it. Anal sex is great for those that like it but many many people don't like it and don't do it. It is not one of the things that fall within the range of things that a boyfriend has a right to "expect" you to do.
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A
male
reader, Honest Answer  +, writes (11 January 2010):
 You said you tried it a few times, and it wasn't enjoyable. Thats really all that he can ask. I commend you for trying something different, but enough is enough. If you didn't enjoy it, find something else that you do. Anal sex just isn't all that important for a good sex life.
Good Luck!
Jeff
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A
male
reader, lammy +, writes (11 January 2010):
me and my gf have had anal sex and we both enjoy it. At first we were scared it might hurt her but then we tried it and it was great. if u do it though use lots of lube lol. however if u still feel uncomfortable with the idea then maybe try to put the tip in?:S if not then dont feel bad because if you guys love each other it shouldnt matter
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A
male
reader, bharat mehta  +, writes (11 January 2010):
 There is no point in feeling bad, if you do not wish or cannot give anal sex to your partner. The truth about anus is that it is not sex organ. Everything about the so called G-spot in male is not true. It is subjective assertion, So far male sex is concern, it is all about 'ejaculation'. And, if you think in rational terms, you can understand that even 'ejaculation' is not great moment in sexual experience. It make no difference if ejaculation is brought by vaginal penetration, or manual penetration, or even oral penetration.
All the nonsense related with anal penetration has stupid influence from porn films. You may have read some where, that many male wish to ejaculate in female's mouth, or on female's breast. I have read one female saying that she enjoy ejaculation in mouth, and even enjoy to drink it. Generally children are more imitative as long as child hood remain. But, in sexual matter I think, people do not choose to be mature. The people who use such term as 'enjoy', know nothing about enjoyment, and say 'GREAT ENJOYMENT !'
Anyway, you are right in your thinking pattern is all I have say, and give you confirmation from my side.
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A
female
reader, Myrrh +, writes (11 January 2010):
 Its a shame this issue has caused you to build up a barrier. Do i take it that its an ongoing issue for him that you dont like anal sex? He probably hasnt even had it before. Lots proclaim to have had and done things they dont really have a clue about. They just watch porn and think it might be interesting to try this or that. But then they have to find someone gullible that they can experiment on! My advice would be to purchase some lube and a butt plug comparable to the size of his penis. Then try anal sex on him first. He can tell you how it feels. If it hurts then hes no longer going to ask for it from you! If he thinks it feels great, you might be tempted to try again. Love making is about sharing equal amounts of pleasure not pain.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (11 January 2010):
You don't have to do anything you don't want to. If your boyfriend is a nice guy, he'll listen and understand.
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A
female
reader, boo22 +, writes (11 January 2010):
 Hi there, Does he like it? Tell him, you'll buy a big dildo and penetrate him and when he's loving it and screaming for more, you'll have a another go.Don't EVER do something that you don't like or hurts you to please any man.Believe me hun, if he doesn't accept that you don't want it, he's not worth being with. On that point i'm 100% sure.Good luck x
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