A
male
age
30-35,
*ultuz
writes:Has anyone here ever gotten over RJ (Retrograde Jealousy) in a relationship?Both justified RJ such as a mate having slept with your friend or enemy and unjustified RJ such as mate having just slept with other people before the relationship.If so, did it go away with time or did you do any work to make it go away?How long did it take to go away? What did you do to make it go away?By justified I mean that it is normally accepted as understandable.Thank you.
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male
reader, Cultuz +, writes (7 October 2011):
Cultuz is verified as being by the original poster of the questionGuess that settles it.
It's not something you simply forget and get over with time.
I tried for 3 months, nothing changed. That's my experience anyways.
A
male
reader, JustHelpinAgain  +, writes (30 September 2011):
RJ is a generalisation for being pissed with something your partner has done, either, recently or years ago. Discovering something you think is negative about your partner cases shock and often triggers a depresive state. Often the problem is not just what was done but how the partner reacts as a result. The shock deminishes with time but in reality you have a simple cold blooded decision - either the relationship is worth the pain, or not. Its a hard decision though because it often occurs years into a relationship. Strangely if you find out all you need about a person before getting involved its not a problem accepting their past, you go into the relationship with eyes open rather than dreaming up false images about the new partner.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2011): Feeling RJ over your partner having slept with your friend might not be "justified" but it sure as hell is understandable. I think both men and women would agree.
Even with professional help virtually nobody gets over it. Some people learn to deal with it but not because it stops hurting them.
If you are wrestling with RJ then you really should think hard about breaking up. It's usually for the best. It only gets worse the deeper you get involved.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2011): What CaringGuy said. It's one of the worst feelings you can suffer as a man, and can be almost impossible to shake off.
I suffered it myself, and while I still get the occasional 'attack, the fire has mostly died down, but not without several months of professional help. Google it and you'll see that some men NEVER get past it. It CAN be overcome but I would recommend you get counselling before it turns into a monster that destroys your relationship and breaks the heart of the girl you love in the process.
Whatever you do, don't repeatedly question her and make her feel guilty or ashamed of her past. Pretty soon her sympathy for your plight will run out, and you'll end up resenting each other in a major way. I speak from experience here.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2011): There is no "justified" and "unjustified" and the past itself doesn't matter. The only question is "what is acceptable to you?". It's completely subjective. If you don't like her past and it causes you RJ, you dump her and find someone else. It's as simple as that.
And one other thing: don't listen to advice on this matter from promiscuous people. They tend to distort the truth to serve their own interests. The truth is that i haven't met a person (guy or girl) with a "tame" past that didn't disqualify promiscuous people as potential partners. Birds of a feather flock together, after all.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (29 September 2011):
I don't know anyone who has gotten over this without some kind of professional help. Retrograde jealously is very hard to deal with and usually indicates some deep emotional problems. I know a few who have come to terms with it once they have found professional help.
And there is never really an excuse for retrograde jealously. Everyone has a past, and if you can't accept that past, then you should never be with that person or you should seek help to get over it.
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