A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:"John" is the father of my four year old daughter. He hasn't seen her in four years. My choice, because I don't like his lifestyle. He's a player, has to be out every single night, and my daughter is only one of three of his kids, all with different mothers. He left me when she was a week old. "George" is my recent ex. He was emotionally distant, which is the reason I left him not too long ago. Other than the emotional distance though, he was fantastic. Somewhat traditional in that he wanted to take care of us, but very respectful, polite in public, rarely went out at night unless we had a sitter for my daughter, cooked, cleaned... The most honest man I've ever known.Since George and I broke up, though, I've given John a chance to be a real father. Which led to us discovering that we still have a shockingly strong attraction between us. I've never felt passion like this with anyone but him, and he tells me he loves me. And he acts like it. But George came to see me today. He actually cried. He apologized for being distant and wants me back. I'm very confused... I feel like I love them both, but what do I do... Risk my heart again with John for the sake of passion? Or work on the relationship with George, accepting that I may never feel passion like that again?
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female
reader, mizz.butterflies +, writes (3 June 2012):
 The good part is youre not offically yet with george. u can get it out of ur system with john , if u think it wont affect you. and yes im speaking about sexual gratification here. if you choose to do this for the sake of the passion, rememeber that john will come 2 days later telling he wants to take care of his kid. now thats the point where u'll have to say no. john is impulsive and will use the kid to get to you. he's bee n absent for 4 years. he won't come back as a father.
i do consider you give george a real chance. he has proven he can be a good boyfriend and father for your daughter. even if u meet someone new 1) its highly impossible ull have the same passion for him as u had for john 2) even if ur passion exheeds the one u have for GEORGE, at the end of the day u will pray that this person respects u and takes care of u, something that george already does!
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (2 June 2012):
 None. I wonder why people apparently always think that , given two bad choices,they MUST pick one. Not true, they can choose to pass.
George is emotionally unavailable and that bothered you enough to make you dump him recently, regardless of his cooking and cleaning. I don't think he will have changed in the meantime, and you'd have the same problems.
John ? Come on, I mean, seriously ?... I think deep down you know too that any thinking person would not touch him with a ten feet pole.
If the physical attraction is so shocking and overwhelming,... hire a babysitter , take John to some motel, f... his brains off all night, in the morning you'll have got him out of your system and you 'll be ready to send him his merry way.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (2 June 2012):
 George. Or none of them. Or tell them both that you need time to find out what you want, because you are torn between what you should do.
Don't forget that there is a third option, have none of them and make sure you take care of your daughter by yourself. Do you really need a man in your life? Remember why you left John. There was passion between you, sure, he got you pregnant after all. But you know how great that passion turned out to be when he left you when your daughter was a week old. Passionate people have a tendency to be extremely passionate about you one week.. then the next they are extremely passionate about someone else. His other two children with different mothers being proof of this.
Definitely not John. John sounds like he's goof for one thing, and that's passion. Other than that he hasn't been part of your life, isn't being responsible, certainly can't take care of you, as for his honesty you know best.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2012): I wouldnt risk anything for either man. One was emotionally distant with you and probably passionless when it came to sex too. He might have been a provider but who knows what sort of problems he has bubbling away under the surface. You might not wont want to know either! While the other man is a cheater who has already let you down big time!There is nothing wrong with being truly single and waiting for the right man to come along. You dont have to `settle` for emotionally damaged men. Nor should you if you can help it. Not least because you have a child to protect and consider, who will be watching you and learning what `makes up` a relationship. This will be your child`s blueprint for relationships probably for the rest of his or her life. So make it a good example and save yourself years of grief in that department!There will be a good man out there who can be all things to you, passionate, faithful and caring. If you take a leap of faith in that and free yourself up, you will eventually meet him.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you, janniepeg. Good point. I can't expect the same passion with George if I'm stuck on John... Nothing I'm not telling myself, believe me. But thank you both, sometimes you just need to hear your thoughts coming from someone else.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2012): I agree with jannie exactly. I would work things out with george. I think you are infatuated and that it will fade into the same problems down the road. Stay with the person that loves you. Dont allow your self to be played, because ultimately john will probably never commit. Besides if he cared he would have seen his daughter.
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A
female
reader, Foot-In-My-Mouth  +, writes (2 June 2012):
 Being the idiot that I am, I'd probably take John back and eff up my life again. But honestly and truly, if you have to take one of them back, take George. He's the sort of man you can have a future with. I understand and appreciate passion, but nothing beats good old honesty and stability. I vote wholeheartedly for George! (And stay the hell away from John unless you're looking to have your heart broken again!) All the best!
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (2 June 2012):
 You are willing to take a horrible person back but yet you broke up with a vulnerable guy and broke his heart.
It takes two whole hearted people to create passion. When you leave room for your ex you can't totally devote your heart to George so don't blame George for it. John does not love you. No one can disappear and then drop by, say hi and then love you. You gotta be kidding yourself.
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