A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:HiJust after some opinions really. I know we hear a lot about blokes liking one night stands then losing interest, but I seem to be the female equivilant.I am so happy in my life right now in all ways, and I love being single. Yet I also love male attention?I know i'll probably be hung drawn and quartered for this, but I have 2 guys I sleep with, casually. I say sleep with, it's not sleep all night in the same bed stuff. I have only slept with them both twice, the younger guy a few weeks ago, the same age as me guy twice since then.But I have already arranged to sleep with the young guy again tomorrow and just spent the evening with the same age guy. He wanted me to stay the night but I said no. And got a taxi home 'after'I must add that both guys are only after sex like me and I have told them I am not looking for anything more.. BUT I am aware that what I am doing is not right.I spent a few yrs not even thinking about sex, didn't miss it at all, yet I seem to be going through a mid life crisis now and gone the other way!The bit that bothers me is after this second time with the same age guy, I am now not bothered about repeating it.May even feel the same after tomorrow night with the young guy.Why am I seeing things like this? It's not normal for a woman to is it?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Myau  +, writes (2 June 2012):
 There is nothing wrong with swinging while you are single, just watch out for STD's.
When you are in a relationship however.....
A
male
reader, MikeEa1  +, writes (2 June 2012):
 anything you want to do is normal unless it's socially unacceptable. it's socially acceptable to fuck anybody you like unless it's hurting someone else. your problem is something else. is it ok in the longterm to sleep with 2 guys at once? what affect is it going to have on your soul? I'm a man and i'd fuck anything with a vagina as long as its human. but I dan't because i want something meaningful. to me that only works with a one to one. life is about meaning and not about thrills. you might argue that there is meaning in your relationship with 2 men and you might be right. I'm not like that.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (2 June 2012):
 It's normal. You're having difficulties accepting this side of yourself as normal (in fact you called it wrong, and told us you knew you'd be hung out for it). But the problem isn't you, per se. The problem is that it's relatively new for women to openly admit to enjoying sex, and to not wanting anything else.
But, as I've always been saying, men and women are no different when it comes to sex. Both enjoy it, both want it. If there are men who want sex with no commitment I guarantee you there are just as many women who want sex with no commitment. There difference is only that it is "socially acceptable" for men to flaunt their desire for casual sex, while it is looked down upon if a woman does the same. The lovely double standard of society...
Anyway, just because more men than women are open about wanting casual sex doesn't mean there are no women who want it, or that those women who openly admit is are "weird", or "abnormal".
I'm like you, I can enjoy casual sex. Or could anyway, but preferences change. At some point in your life perhaps you preferred commitment, love etc. But now you are doing just fine with the physical attention you get, not needing all the lovey dovey.
As for the two men at the same time thing... Well, as far as I can see there is nothing wrong with it as long as you use condoms. If they don't know you have more than one partner, then you don't know if they have more than one partner (at a time), and you're putting yourself at risk for catching an STD. Which is why it is important that you use protection. Either that, or pick one of them as your exclusive lover, talk about being exclusive lovers so that he only keeps to you as well, and have each other tested.
Being exclusive lovers doesn't mean you are in a relationship, it just means that if you want to start sleeping with someone new you end the old arrangement with the former. It's just a safety issue (with STD's in mind).
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2012): Ok so I'm gonna answer your question with a question firstly lol -
Are you all using protection? Because if you are sleeping with more than one guy at the same time, its possible they are too (women), and you all don't want to be picking up some unfriendly infections etc... But apart from that you're all adults who know exactly where you stand with each other and I'm (assuming) the guys are single same as you? So no harm is being done if that's the case, just enjoy what ever happens but do it sensibly :) No one's in a position to judge how you run your own life.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (2 June 2012):
 I believe it can be normal that we want certain things in different periods of life. We don't always have to want a serious long term relationship.
You feel bothered because you don't want to get tied down as a sexual partner to either one. I enjoy the freedom being single. I like male attention too. The part I don't like is rejecting people and explaining why I don't want to see them again, and having them beg and plead for a next time. If jealousy, possessiveness, and judgement don't exist in the world, one night stands will be fun, and not hurtful. They will be more common and accepted too. Women won't be call sluts and they will be more available to these arrangements and men don't have to feel so desperate to get the next quick fix.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2012): Not right? Nobody cares what you choose to do with your own sex life.
Yes, I would find your current habits very unattractive if I was dating you in the future. But I dont think you are a bad person, you are just not the kind of woman that I prefer to date. Just like you might not have the hair color I prefer.
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A
female
reader, jewlstep4174  +, writes (2 June 2012):
 As my daughter would say YOLO , you only live once. yeah sleeping with more than one person may not be the ideal situation , but you know what , these days there is just worse things going on in the world. you are an adult , the men you are seeing are adults and you are having intiment moments with them. Casual sex relationships of friends with benefits I dont think ever really works , someone always catches feelings then its just done, cause there is always one that dont feel anything. Take it for one who knows ! I am living this problem right now and its painful! If doing this is what is making you happy do it. Just protect yourself , dont want to end up pregnant or worse an STD.
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (2 June 2012):
 Hi
'Normal' is what works for you. Provided you use protection every time so theres no health risk. If you can cope with the situation and not get emotionally damaged, then as an adult,single, do what you want.
I wouldn't consider it long term though, its a short term thing to experiment really. Just be discreet and have your fun.
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