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female
,
anonymous
writes: I have a problem. I can never bring myself to ask my partner for sex. He has mentioned this to me as well. I did once a few years ago and he rejected me. It was really hard to ask but after that incident I feel I could never ask again. What's wrong with me? Am I frigid in some weird way?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, wwww.datinghaven.com +, writes (4 October 2005):
dw, my biggest fear is being Rejected. Ok, its got nout to do with asking for sex, but consider yourself lucky, a few things that really bother me:
* im scared to socialise with strangers incase im rejected
* my friends are all long term friends and i havn't made any new ones for a while - but that dm as they are gr8
* i fear waiting for the bus incase the driver doesnt bother stopping for me
* i cant meet more then 1 new people at a time - i can walk up and meet one person but i cant meet two new people or more, the bizare thing is if i meet someone on their own, 5 mins l8r i can meet a group of 20 people without it bothering me much
* i fear getting rejected in relationships, and i dont go on "dates", well i do but i negotiate with the woman to call it a "meet up" as its less informal and makes me feel better
There are many more, lol, phew! that was hard to admit to
Fearing Rejection, means you always have low self-esteem and lack confidence...now you can laugh at me and feel much better! :)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2005): Dear, your sexual confidence meter is low and you need to give it a boost. Sexual confidence isn't something you need a partner to give to you or validate in you. In fact, if you're focusing too much on him, that can be a big distraction and erode your sexual confidence. You need to spend much less time worrying about what your bf is thinking and enjoy yourself more.
Don't let your bf's one-time rejection inhibit you. Let loose and have fun and if he does it again-tell him honestly how he makes you feel but don't take it personally. Guys get tired and stressed like us gals, they don't always want sex, at the drop of a hat. But do try to be more content with who you are, and try to relax-let loose and have fun in this sexual relationship with him. Over time this change of attitude will allow you to you to feel more secure in yourself. And this will clearly boost your sexual confidence.
Sexual confidence is not all about sex. It is very much about power, the power that comes from liking and accepting yourself. A woman who is open-minded, wants to have fun, and isn't counting on getting an engagement ring within minutes of meeting a man has an ease about her that translates as power. By contrast, one who looks like she's on the prowl for Mr. Right and is deafened by the ticking of her biological clock sends a totally different message. And as any guy will tell you, that message is: Run! But if you're comfortable and genuinely happy, your bf will sense it and want it. Women who like where they are in their lives exude an assurance and an inner glow of confidence that really turns on their lovers and makes for some very positive vibes in the bedroom. Try it and you'll see, dear and from now on...just relax, let loose, have a blast and show him what a tiger you are! Good Luck
Hugs,
Irish
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reader, pops +, writes (4 October 2005):
Does he ask you for sex, of is this a platonic relationship? No one likes to be rejected, and some of us can take rejection and make it a permanent negative part of our lives. You secretly hate the person who rejected you. Have you talked to your bf about the rejection and how badly it made you feel? Most people can accept an apology or at least an explanation for a rejection, and then go on with our lives. If he is still seeing you after all this time, I suspect his attitude towards you has changed, and he deserves you giving him another chance to say "Yes".
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2005): Once bitten, twice shy? I don't think you are frigid at all, you just don't want to get hurt again. When we ask for something as intimate as sex and you get pushed away, I think it's natural to avoid the hurt of being pushed away. Have you discussed the rejection with your partner? Does he ask you for sex? Are you having sex?
Oh my! I seem to have asked more questions than I've answered! Sorry dear!
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A
reader, kelly16 +, writes (3 October 2005):
no this doesn make u frigid, the fact u got rejected once has probably knocked back ur confidence, making u fear a second rejection, question why are u asking 4 sex surely if u 2 were both stable u wudn need 2 ask it wud jus b sumthn that cums naturally 2 couples. Why don't u talk thru this with him.x
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