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male
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*ick1957
writes: Hi. I am a gay man recently out and every time I meet a guy and engage in sex I can't get hard. I have no problem masturbating on my own, in fact I love it. Can you help me please? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, sillzsarah  +, writes (13 July 2007):
 if you are having problems having sex on ur own that might lead to the fact you feel that you like masterbating more...you need to bring urself to tell the person ur trying to have sex with he will understand and hopefully help you out...
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reader, wwww.datinghaven.com +, writes (4 October 2005):
Confidence lack makes the problem alot worse, surely, it doesnt totally matter, aslong as the other guy can get hard?
It will take a while for you to get use to it and then u wont have any problems.
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female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (4 October 2005):
 Because you're only recently Out, is it possible that you're still coming to terms with your orientation? Maybe you're not quite "ready" to have a sexual relationship with someone else yet.
Pops has a point, inasmuch as you need to examine the thoughts in your own mind when you're having sex and see if there's any aspect that makes you uncomfortable about it. There's somethere there that isn't exactly right for you, and it's manifesting as an inability to get it up.
Just a final thought: do you have the same problem when you're receiving oral sex? And are you able to get an erection when you're having foreplay with someone? Knowing whether the problem is limited to only genital sex might be able to help you narrow down the source.
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reader, pops +, writes (4 October 2005):
Oviously, there is nothing wrong physically with you. So that leaves the mind. Are you not sure you are gay? Have doubts about having sex with another man? Think it is sinful? You tell us. But, it is clear that you are putting stress on yourself that is preventing you from getting or keeping an erection when you want it most. You have to relax to have sex, and this is true for both men and women. That sounds contradictory, considering how tense an erection feels, but it is how the plumbing works. Relax with our lover and hug kiss and play. don't even think about having sex. It will happen when you are truly relaxed, and feeling comfortable with him, and with the idea of having sex with him.
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