A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I saw a post here recently about someone who wants to date their manager. Well I've been in this predicament for awhile. My boss and I get along great as friends and I can tell he likes me. I obviously like him too. He's only 3 years older than me and single. But I'm not sure if it's worth my job. Can anyone give advice? Unlike the previous poster, he is my boss and direct superior, and will be my boss for awhile. I've been at this job for 7 months now.
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female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (29 July 2012):
Hi there. Well at least one thing is good - that he isn't married.
So that's a good start.
As good as you get along with each other, the only real problem with office romances, is that if you have an argument - outside of work - when you come back into work the very next day, it's definitely going to affect your work performance.
Then there is lots of animosity between you, and possibly arguing about what the real issue was.
And just say that whatever you had your differences with between you, and it couldn't be reconciled, well then you are reporting directly to him and this undoubtedly could become very awkward indeed.
And probably you would then be seriously looking around for another job, which isn't an easy thing to do in this current economic climate.
So as fairytale romance like, that it feels at the moment - potentially at least - the moment the bubble bursts, then all hell breaks loose.
So then you would be asking yourself, was it really worth it in the first place?
Do you really want to be having to find another job, all because it didn't work out?
Getting along well in the office, doesn't necessarily equate to the same kind of rapport outside of the work environment where you are getting to know that same person on a whole new level.
You could find that you didn't like him near as much as you first believed you did.
And what a terrible disappointment that would be!
And the truth is, you really DON'T get to know how truly compatible you are, until you start dating or even living together.
That's when reality sets in.
And it can be a very rude awakening.
I am not trying to be a doom and gloom type of person here, only aiming to point out the stark realities that come about with office romances.
Sometimes they can work out well, and other times not so good.
What would make it potentially more life threatening to your job, would be the fact he is your direct superior, which means you are seeing him all day long, from time to time.
And so if you were in a relationship with him and you hit a bump in the road of that relationship, it could be a complete disaster at work.
Especially, as he is your boss and direct supervisor, you would be having to take orders from him when you were feeling very angry and upset and indignant towards him.
And this could make your life very unbearable and difficult.
And not to mention the stress associated with that negativity.
It's really up to you because it's your life, however it's very wise to be totally aware of the potential for some very uncomfortable moments on the job, should you go ahead and pursue dating him.
The risks need to be weighed up very carefully.
Worst case, you don't get along, you have a big fight over something or other, and you then decide to quit your job.
Best case, you get along like a house on fire and have great rapport with each other, and end up in a relationship that eventually leads to marriage and happily ever after.
It's a gamble you'll be taking.
It's a case of being fully aware of the risks involved in an office romance, in the first place.
So think it over very carefully.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2012): Well, if he is single and you are single and both like each other in that way, then I don't see why not.
If he becomes your boss/lover and things go well for you two, then I don't see how your job would be at risk, unless things went horribly wrong on the personal side of things, then he may fire you lol.
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A
female
reader, shrodingerscat +, writes (28 July 2012):
 I found some links for you.
http://www.psychpage.com/family/dateoffice.html
http://www.alovelinksplus.com/advice/ask_april/dating-your-boss.htm
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A
female
reader, FreshPrincess +, writes (28 July 2012):
Have you ever heard the saying "Don't eat where you shit?" This saying applies directly to your situation. Don't do it... It'll only cause problems. Truth is, my boyfriend is my FORMER boss. We both left the place we were working in, and several months after that we got in contact with each other(gotta love facebook!) and we hit it off. But, and this is a big BUT, he would have NEVER EVER EVER considered me if he were still my boss, and those are his words. At first, I thought he was being a little unreasonable, but now I see why (and I think it's fate that we both transferred out of our jobs, but that's another story). Think about it for a second... HE IS YOUR BOSS. Whether it turns out good or bad, it leaves a bad taste and lack of professionalism on both of your parts. If it turns out good, there may be some favoratism going on, and people badmouthing both of you guys behind your back. If it turns out bad, imagine working with your ex. Every. Single. Day. If you guys are meant to be, you will be (trust me on this one...) but for now, take it easy and start looking elsewhere.
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (28 July 2012):
 hi
It starts easily. It seems exciting. It seems cute. There is the novelty. The hope. The delight at seeing the person so much.
It can develop quickly.
Seems like it could go on forever.
But then the reality bites.
A little misunderstanding. It's uncomfortable. You can't get away from them.
The snide little remark that you know what is implied, even though no one else picked it up.
The uncomfortableness at work, due to something else that happened in private.
Most work relationships end in tears. Yes some succeed. I am happy for those persons. But they are the lucky ones.
Yet I remain of the opinion that it is never a good move to complicate your professional/work situation with your love life.
Whether the other party is your peer or a person at a higher level in the organisation.
Sexual attraction can be transitory.
Relationships are often over not long after they start.
Then the fallout when the couple breakout.
The uncomfortable meeting/seeing/avoiding the ex.
But it's not just the break-up that is a problem.
It's while the relationship is being established and then while it is ongoing.
There is no separation of public and private. All people establishing a new relationship think no one else notices. That if the couple say nothing, then no one will know they are an item.
WRONG!
Everyone notices. Behind your back people start talking, commenting. And notice every little nuance. People are smart, and observant.
Then the trouble starts. They may not say it, but people are resentful (often) as they imagine (sometimes accurately and sometimes not) that the one who is in the higher position is unfairly favoring the other party. People sometimes take sides. They will be more guarded about raising things with either party.
And sometimes one party tries to take advantage of the situation. Or expects to be excused from unacceptable behavior.
It also appears to give the green light to incorrectly imagine that sexual harassment is tolerated. Which of course is not the case.
The other issue is that some other managers will question the judgement of one or both parties in the work relationship.
The fall out/follow on sitations from actioning an attraction between two people at work can often leave a trail ot
hurt, resentment, and in hindsight the couple recognise that perhaps they had never started.
And if there is a disagreement then you and the manager have to get through the day. It's uncomfortable. People notice, and it does not look professional. Behind your back people notice and snigger.
The very last thing a company needs when the couple break up is a Sexual harassment. The company hates the bad publicity. It affects the reputation of the company to have the company name splashed over the front page of the newspapers. Journalists relish such stories as they sell newspapers. Companies regard such stories as Public Relations nightmares. And it can affect customers.
Think what this could become?
Most times, when the relationship falters, the couple just disengage. And cease contact.
But a work breakup often means that the company finds a way, after a suitable little gap of time, to no longer need the services of the subordinate employee.
It is rarely the senior employee who has to go. Due to their expertise, which the company wants to retain.
For all these reasons, if you are really intent on having a relationship, for the subordinate employee to first find a new job, outside the existing company, and resign from the existing company.
Then the relationship can continue in private. As can the breakup be endured in private.
With reputations not affected in your workplace nor their workplace.
Because if the relationship is meant to be you will give it a better chance of succeeding than if you conduct it within the glare of work colleagues.
Even then you still need to take care that private aspects of your relationship are not inadvertly shared. Men are amazing what they think is ok to share. Not realizing how hurtful it is to find people sniggering about something you thought was private.
I think my feeling about work relationships is this: there are 7 billion people in this world.
There are hundreds of thousands of 'this is THE perfect one' persons beyond your immediate sphere. Often Way more impressive than those existing prospects in your own existing sphere.
So i think it is too convenient, even, in some situations it can be lazy courting practice to only look in your own workplace for your love interest.
Men who claim to be too busy to court girls will often choose to only date girls in the workplace. Often they are sleazy and treat the girls in the workplace as their potential treasures to use.
Look further afield and you will be blown away at the high standard of potential partners in the wider world outside of your own existing world.
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