A
male
age
41-50,
*illyJefferson
writes:I am curious to know what other people's opinions are with reading each others texts when you should have nothing to hide? I seem to look at the topic from anoter point of view or maybe I am just right?? help
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male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (29 August 2011):
 Snooping is never healthy and its never a right. It's a partnership, not a prisoner/warden relationship.
I have nothing to hide, but does that mean that as soon as I date someone that they automatically have the right to snoop? Absolutely not. Would that stop me from kicking her to the curb if I caught her snooping. Absolutely not.
A
male
reader, idoneitagain +, writes (29 August 2011):
Reading your partner's text is an invasion of privacy, and feeling that you need to is an indication that either you don't trust them or that they are untrustworthy, which can sometimes both be the case.
If my partner asks, she is welcome to look because I have nothing to hide, so it is a non-issue, but if she felt like she needed to look to check up on me, I would speak to her about the fact that she didn't feel that she trusts me, and we would go from there.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2011): I believe its a healthy balance. If the person wanting to look at the texts/emails does so every single day, or worse, multiple times a day. Then that is just unhealthy for the relationship. And that person needs to figure out if they feel that way due to their own insecurities or because their gut is telling them something.If you look at it from the other angle, and the partner talks about privacy and trust. They both do have their parts in a relationship, but so does openness and communication. If you are in a relationship that is so serious, living together/engagement/marriage or talks of any of the above. Why should you feel like it's an invasion of privacy? It's your partner. The person you would or should love enough to give your life for...why would you care if they saw your messages?Like i said earlier though, if its habit forming or damaging to the relationship at all, that's a separate issue. Sometimes all the person wants is to know they can look if they ever felt the need to. but when you say, "NO! you can't look! Why would you want to?!" kind of makes it seem like you're hiding something...
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A
male
reader, The Realist  +, writes (29 August 2011):
 In general I think it is abad idea because if it becomes a habit and there is a text you don't want your partner to see, such as a surprise party (not necessarily a bad thing) and they get really suspicious why you don't want them to see it. I think it just allows the suspicion of cheating to come up when it shouldn't. If they want to know what you are texting then I would just say what the message was but I wouldn't approve of my partner looking at my phone all the time.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (29 August 2011):
 Depends on so many things, if its a couple who have been together for 25 years and they are expecting a text or message, its okay for them to look for it
If somebody says "did you see the text from Fred, its on my phone" that is a clear indication its okay to look for the text from Fred and read it, but not an invitation to forward all other messages to yourself for perusal later.
If a couple constantly share each other's phones that would be an indication its okay to read the messages.
When people are in a long term committed relationship I dont think the need to read other people's messages, mail etc arises, the relationship is committed after all.
But it takes years to get to the point of the scenarios outlined above. If a person doesnt trust their partner they need to consider why. What other indications are there the partner is not to be trusted? We are all permitted some privacy in our lives, there is no rule written or unwritten that we have to share every instance and micro second of our lives with the people we love.
If you want to snoop on somebody else that indicates you dont trust them, or want to control their private thoughts, this might be because you are insecure within yourself. You need to decide which it is.
If somebody beleives they are being cheated on, and can outline why they believe this without having to snoop first, then I say snoop to confirm, but be aware, a relationship that gets to this point is usually dead as a dodo anyway.
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