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Ranting about my life

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Question - (22 March 2009) 3 Answers - (Newest, 23 March 2009)
A female United States age 41-50, *rinPatterson writes:

Just stressed out. Need no advice just a matter of waiting. I am one of they unemployed Rhode Islanders awaiting my unemployment benefits. Going back to school in the meantime..to finish.

I am at my width end. I feel like since I got divorced.I have had nothing but bad luck, bad health, and bad people.

you know 4 years ago I left my rotten husband who had serious problems and took me for every dime I had. I left moved back home and well did the dancing thing..I don't know i think I had like a mid life crisis or something..well that didn't last very long (ws not for me)..should of known..got a job on teh phones as a "telemarketer" guy turned out to be a so called infamous new england "mobster loan sharks' kid..I was like christ..well I let it go and thought..its a rumor..meanwhile I am telemarketing mortgages to make 12.00 an hour..went back to school at night and telemarketer for this company drtin the day. well it just wasn't enough money so I got a bartending job a few days a week on top of it at a "adult entertainment" club..lol..well I was making a ton of money..or not a ton but enough and I said wow..200 a shift or so is nothing to bark at..very competitive though and the manager turned out knowing my other boss..I said to myself I cant take all these mobsters..lol..so I left the mortage company to do a co op for school. I was thinking well I wasnt making much at the mortgage company and my fam was telling me that guy is going to get closed down that guys dad is all over the papers..I said oh well none of my business..so I said my farewells to the speghetti eating bobby, vinnys, and joe's of loan land..and went to go do and internship for a twon solicitor..I sai..d this will be exciting..

well in the meantime of preparing to finish my degree..I moved out of gram house to get my own little apartment..well on the way home I was stalked followed home from work one night buy some man who was flashing his high beams and freaking me out..god long story so I ws afraid to go home..call the cops tell them some guy was following me..they arrest him..turns out this guy is my neighbor..I was so freaked out and scared..I told my landlord I was mad, scared, just felt trapped..I didnt want to move back home and I didnt want to stay there. So I moved in temporatily with a friend9who turned out to be not paying the rent)..I have had such a shit luck..

so I saved up money moved to this lil complex and just like totally freaked..out and just god..

its been awful..I get this little jewish lady at the new complex calling me a whore, knocking on my door a million times a day making my life absolutely miserable..I so think there is like this cloud over my head..I complained to management and insisted I transfer apartments..this jewish lady did not want a "lounge girl" living next door to her..and she made that very clear and my life was miserable..

in teh mean time I woke up one morning with this horrible feeling like I ws having a seizure or something..I did not know if it was stress or I was jsut I dont know..I went to the hospital..I got so scared..they kept me..they thought well she is having a nervous break down..I was there for a week..taht was in September of this year..it has been awful since then..I tried to get another job but tehy economy here is so bad right now..and I am clearly shakin still. I mean how much can one girl take..I am in a new apartment my TDI has run out I cant go back toteh night club..in teh meantime..my ex bosses mob stuff has been all over the papers..the mortage company I worked for closed down..the club I work for is under investigation..the guy I did my internship for came into the club and ever since he did I said oh god..they are goign to think I am some kind of "snitch"..nothing to snitch about..lol..but it was just a mess..I mean I was accused of all kinds of things after tgat man came to visit me..oe whatever reason he came in taht day..I mean my life became miserable..they accused me of stealing they made me give teh club 165.00 foir "stolen champain" and I had to write a letter of apology to they owner..he wanted me to quit..well I couldnt I made a ton of money there and I lived alone so I paid the 165.00 and hated them for accusing me of doing something I didnt do. It ws dwon hill from there. ther wanted em gone.

TAht is when I just cracked kup..I lost it..and that was in Septembr. So now I am awaiting unemployement..pennyless in this new complex..and just paranoid as hell..I feel awful and just want things to get better. but I almost feel like i am still being stalked. I have gone bankrupt and had to buy a crappy old car and get rid of my brand new car. I cant find a job. I trie dto get another telmarketing job..they fired me..for no reason..I feel like there is just these peopletrying to make me look real bad for some reason..and I dotn quite no why...I am just terrified..they only thing I have going is going back to school for a mont course to try and see if I can finish up with a certificate in the medical degree..

meanwhile my maintance guy knocks on my door they other day and someone took my licence plate and banged the shit out of it..twisted it upside down and screwed it all up..the one on th fornt..well Ihavent been anywher..I cant help but get this gutt feeling like I am being threatened..I tell my family and they say hang in there..well I am hanging in there and I have no proof that I am being threatened but feel as though I am. It prob apranoia I tellmyself from everything thats happend but its like I hate this state and feel like afraid way to much. its rediculous..I guesse I am not posting for advice..I am posting for comfort..

View related questions: bankrupt, divorce, money, moved in, moved out, stalking, trapped

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A male reader, Jason means Healer United Kingdom +, writes (23 March 2009):

Yep. Divorce will do that to you.

And even if the seeds of what's happening to you did not begin with your divorce, the divorce will make you think they did!

Divorce is A BLOW.

I know.

And, once it's through with knocking you silly, it can leave your life in tatters and the truth is that it was a bad shit thing that happened, and yes; doubtless some, if not much of the stuff that's happening is all 'cos of it.

You mentioned four guys; and none of them was good;

1. Your husband (cos you left him or he left you...)

2. Gangsta Boss No.1

3. Gangsta Boss No.2

4. Crazy neighbour stalker

In a tough town, you may have to hunt to find out the good people. But have a little faith. I've never been to any place on earth but what there wasn't good and bad alike.

But where you're at; good may equals survival...

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A female reader, ErinPatterson United States +, writes (23 March 2009):

ErinPatterson is verified as being by the original poster of the question

ErinPatterson agony auntThanks guys. Your support and advice was good comfort in crappy times.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2009):

I'm unemployed and have no friends. There are days I want to lose my mind but I always remember that someone else had it worse. You sound so stressed, and I completely understand what you're going thru but just remember someone has it worse. Someone has no hope, you have a lot going for you.

1. family you can go to.

2. unemployment benefits on the way.

3. a lot of work experience - bartending, telemarketing. You can definitely bartend anywhere.

4. this is the biggest, you are in school nearly completing your studies in the medical field - the most stable field in this economy.

You don't have it bad, just hang in there and you will get to where you're going. Quit the dramatics, don't be so paranoid, don't hang on to the worst things, highlight some good coz I know there is some good in your life.

This website is very therapudic for me. I log on and put my aunty hat on and they help other, and in return I'm actually helping myself too.

GL

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