| A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: I have some questions about porn:1. Why do most (notice I said 'most') women in porn have HUGE breasts and are blonde? Those are obviously fake, and men always say they don't care about size, and that they hate implants, but is this a lie? I mean, porn is made mostly by guys for guys, so it must mirror their tastes, right?(Don't push the penis size debate here... when will guys understand that a huge penis hurts more than it pleases? There is a reason there are so many average sized ones... just a thought).2. Why do men always get so defensive when asked about it? My boyfriend gets defensive. And he defends porn. And every other male in the planet defends it. And they don't get why some women don't like it. My boyfriend always goes "What's there not to like?"... does this mean he loves that crap because of the "beautiful porn stars" (like so men call them... how can those FAKE skanks be beautiful?).Yeah, you guessed it, I don't like it. So what? I bet a lot of pelple will get defensive because of this. I hate it, actually. At least I'm being honest. I've watched it, even with him, and hated it, I hated sex that time. Yeah, maybe I'm bitter, jealous and insecure, I just don't get how THAT kind of sex with THAT kind of people (read: FAKE!!!!) can be the fantasy all men masturbate to and drool over. And how people like me have to just accept it and move on... Why do I have to accept it? Why can't he accept that I hate it?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2009): hey ill tell you what i think. my boyfriend used to watch it before he met me and his mates encourage him to watch it (which annoys the hell out of me) but i have told him what i think (i am almost 8 months pregnant) and he has stopped. to the girl who said that they wont stop and u cant change them.. i think ur talking about the guys who are male .. skanks. lol. my boyfriend has stopped because it offends me and i am 100% with you. they look like dumb fake barbies to me and it makes me feel inadequate because i have such a big belly right now, black hair and even though my boobs are big, they aren't PLASTIC. trust me, if he wont change for you, get rid of him. you are a REAL GIRL and you cant be expected to change into A FAKE. for any guy. my boyfriends mates are the most ugliest guys ive ever seen (really bad looking) and they have no hope in getting a real girl let alone a fake girl. Some guys get turned on by plastic and some dont. my boyfriend actually told me that some fakes if they died and got cremated all that would be left would be wax and plastic. LOL. so, dont take a lot of what these people say who are only upsetting you, just tell him how it is and if he cant take it, find another guy because you will find someone who wont like it. my boyfriend used to now hes happy with me and he tells me im beautiful and more sexy then a skank. :)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2009): OK, so now you have brought up the second most popular question on this forum. That being the "I can't get over my girlfriend's or wife's past." There haven't been too many of those questions recently, but there were a lot last year and the year before. That was my problem and why I came on this board to ask a question. If you want to try to understand why guys think of their girlfriend's past and are bothered by it, take a look at this discussion:
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-would-not-have-married-her-had-i.html
This was the most complete discussion that I can remember.
Here was a recent article that one guy wrote:
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/how-to-overcome-obsessive-thinking-about-gfs-or.html
Here are some articles that I wrote:
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/some-tips-for-guys-that-are-having-trouble.html
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/why-do-our-cultures-teach-boys-that-women.html
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/working-on-our-insecurities-is-most-times-better.html
Of course, these discussions are all about girlfriends or wives who have had 10, 20 or many more sexual partners, but there have been a couple of questions that were like your situation. If I thought that I could find them then I would look for them. A lot of guys have these feelings and some women also do about their boyfriend's sexual past. I think it is because of the way they were brought up to think of women when young. I think that was what caused my problem and my wife thinks so too. She could see that attitude in my family many years ago. If they had known what she had done after her divorce, they would have told me that I was not permitted to see her again, even though I was 34 years old at the time.
The info that I gave you is probably overkill, but you might want to take a look at it if you have the time.
P.S. Why do you think I picked the name troubledtoomuch?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2009): Troubledtoomuch - thank you, thank you, thank you!! You really know how to put things into perspective, and I have to say I feel a lot better with your advice. Guess it's just the self confidence thing then. I mean, he can get a bit insecure with things like my past (which wasn't awful, as I remained a virgin until I met him... I just had a friend with benefits with whom I experimented sexually for the first time, but there was no intercourse). Still, he feels inferior sometimes, he says he feels he did something wrong as I so easily gave in to just a friend and he had to wait to become my boyfriend and then have sex. I try explaining to him that it's actually the opposite, he should feel special. I made him wait because I wanted something more meaningful than the friendship with benefits I had when I was 15. Plus I lost my virginity to him. I guess it's similar in a way. My past is a huge deal to him, while it's meaningless to me. Porn is a huge deal to me, while it's meaningless for him. Whenever I get jealous I'll think about it that way, because he must truly feel it's meaningless, like my past. He does feel ridiculous after a while when he gets upset about my past, says it's stupid to get upset by that. I also feel ridiculous about this.Thanks again. You've been tremendously helpful :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2009): OK, let's deal with this first. I don't know what you look like, but I'll bet that you are not ugly. I'll bet that you are far from ugly. I have seen very few women in my life who I would classify as ugly. Very, very few. Sure, there are those who are absolutely beautiful. I have known a few of them as friends, but I never dated one. I think that my wife is very attractive and I thought that of all the women who I have ever dated. None were beautiful. Most were about average. I remember making a comment about attractiveness to some guys about one very nice woman who I dated about 30 years ago. (My wife and I have been together for that long.) There reaction was, her, attractive, huh? Well, maybe they didn't think that she was attractive, but I liked her a lot and I thought that she was attractive. She wasn't beautiful by any means, but we had a very good, but short, relationship. The reason that it was short was because she was ready for a serious relationship and I had just gotten divorced and wasn't ready to settle down for a few more years. My wife was ready to wait until I knew what I wanted.
Next is your A boobs. Sorry that I just mentioned B and up. A fits in the same category as B. OK, I'll be truthful. My favorite is C. Every woman who I ever dated was probably a B. My wife just got a bit larger the past few years. A couple of women who I dated were probably A and I didn't care. That is not high on the list of important things to me in a woman. Yes, I like looking at really big ones and my wife will even point woman like that out to me when shopping. However, like I said, I experienced that first hand once and that just wasn't for me. I'm sure a lot of guys would differ with me on that and I'll bet there are guys who would say that they like A the best. Men and women are all different in their likes with the anatomy of the opposite sex. Men's preferences for boobs is a lot like women's preferences for penis size. They might get turned on by a 8 or 9 inch thick one, but very few women want that inside them.
Now that I think about it, that is possibly why men and women get insecure about their dicks and boobs (in that order). :) The other sex likes to think about big ones, but mostly really prefer smaller or average ones.
Now to the Ferrari and the Volvo. I'd love to get a chance to drive a Ferrari, but it would be of little use for my only vehicle. That Volvo would be much better to use every day. If I could only have one then I would take the Volvo. I only have one vehicle and it is a pick-up truck. It satisfies all my transportation needs. Would I like to also have a Ferrari in the garage? Sure. That would be great. Not practical though. Would I like to have sex once or occasionally with some super hot movie star. Sure, in fantasy. However, I'll bet the sex would be disappointing in some way. Would I do it if I had the chance. Not likely and certainly if it would ruin an excellent marriage. My wife knows that I fantasize about things like this. She used to too, but not any more. I don't know why she doesn't but it is probably because her hormones are much lower now that we are older. This never bothered either one of us.
By the way, most of those porn stars are not beautiful. There are a few, but very few. Some are not even that attractive without all the makeup. Most are what I would classify as average and some are less attractive than most or all the women who I dated. We tend to think of everyone being super attractive only when we have too little confidence in ourselves. People who are confident in themselves don't think that everyone else is better than them. My wife and I both went through periods of lack of confidence after our divorces from our first spouses. Neither of us was part of the "in" crowd in grade and high school. I didn't know her then, but I didn't have much confidence when I was younger. I slowly gained confidence in myself during my 20s and 30s. My wife basically did the same. A lot of kids in school are mean and tend to pick and ridicule those who are not in the "in" crowd. I remember the "in" crowd people in school. You know what? some of the boys and girls in that crowd were much less attractive than those who were left out. I think that they are so mean to the other ones because they lack confidence in themselves and have to put the others down to build themselves up. Think about that.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2009): My honest answer is that I don't really care for big boobs. But big is nice, but not when their fake, do you get it?
Natural big boobs natural normal boobs fake boobs
Big boobs are a nice bonus when they're there, and I mean 'bonus', as in something that's there on top of something that's already great.
All porn does is that it plays on the fantasy of men to try and appeal to them. A lot of those women have implants, men may fantasise over them but they wouldn't actually want the fake stuff on the women they're with - stange but true.
It's mainly the shape men are into overall. Boobs aren't the first or last thing that makes a woman attractive to us, which is ridiculous. Shape! Shape! Shape! Boobs mean nothing if the woman doesn't have shape - and all shape is is just looking after yourself, staying healthy and fit and it comes.
I wouldn't call the pornstars there ferraris', more like cheap imitation, in which case a volvo is worth tonnes more.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2009): (I'm the OP)
Thank you Satin, you're being very helpful. Thank you for being understanding :)
I guess I have to change for my own sake. I've just always been the stubborn, rebellious type. Ah, well.
Thank you troubledtoomuch. You're also helpful and bring a different, honest male point of view to the table. I guess I have a problem with my boobs, because they're barely an A. Teased in high school, exposed to super cleavages over here. Anyway. On to the question. Why do I hate it?
Simply put, and very honestly (thank God this is an anonymous forum, I don't think I could admit this in person, although I've told my boyfriend)... I hate it because I know I don't look as attractive as them. I know they're fake, and I know many people don't think they're that attractive and that many other women (like some celebs) are way more attractive than porn stars, but I KNOW that they are indeed much more attractive than me. In a way, I crave being more attractive but I can't do anything about it (believe me, I can't grow boobs and I can't change my face). As I said in a previous post, if I were prettier and sexier, I probably wouldn't feel like this.
Let's be honest. How can I compete with millions of naked, almost perfect women on video? Sure, he can't touch them, but surely can think of them sexually. Imagine you spend a whole day looking at a catalogue of the newest Ferrari models in the market - all the specifications are there, they're awesome cars! Then you go and see and drive your trusty 'ole Volvo. It might be a good ride, but surely if you drove that Ferrari, it'd be 10000 times better. But you can't afford a Ferrari, so you just have to stick with your Volvo.
I admit it's my fault because I have baggage from the time I hit puberty. As I said in an earlier post, I was treated differently because I am ugly. I still don't get much attention. So I'm quite sensitive about my looks.
Anyway, thanks, it makes me feel better about guys, with what you told me.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2009): OK, I have not read all of the answers, but I will give my comments. First of all, not all women hate porn and not all men like porn. My wife and I both watch porn. My ex wife actually really liked it. Her and I started watching it together for the first time in our lives. Neither of us ever watched it alone. And before someone says that is proof that porn ruins marriages, that is BS. We divorced for other reasons and still liked porn when we dated for a bit about a year after the divorce. My current wife and I have been together for over 30 years and we have watched porn all those years. Not always, of course.
The next thing is that not all men like big boobs. My wife has 34C boobs and the other women who I dated in the past were either B or C. I did have a 1 night stand with a woman who was about a G (huge) and I actually did not like that part of her. I thought I would, but no. I like to look at big ones, hence big ones in porn, but I actually liked my wife's better in some ways when she was a B instead of a C.
I really don't like fake boobs. I would rather watch porn where the woman is a natural B than one who is a fake DD or F. All the women in porn are not huge either. There are a lot who are B and C and they seem to do very well. I don't know how much variation there is in what they get payed, but the smaller ones seem to be just as popular. Go to a porn site where the viewers rate the movies and you will see very high ratings for the scenes that are with women who are B, C or D. OK, D is starting to get big, but certainly not huge. There are all sizes in porn, just as there are all sized penises in porn.
You say that you hate porn. That is fine, but you should really determine why you hate it. Do you hate it for moralistic or religious reasons? If that is the case, then fine. Do you hate it just because, just like someone might hate sci fi movies? Fine. Do you hate it because it makes you feel insecure, unattractive or jealous? That is not fine. That shows that you have a deeper problem than just porn. You have a problem with your self esteem and that is something that you need to address. Not so that you will like porn, but because that lack of self esteem will cause you many other problems in life. Porn is not the problem in that case. Your lack of confidence in yourself is the problem.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2009): I asked my hubby about this. He said that about a third of the men in his platoon do not watch porn. These are men who have been brought from GA alone. His platoon is aroundn 30-50 soldiers, so about 10-15 of them don't watch porn.
99% is completely inaccurate. You can't get an acurate number unless you ask every single person in the US.
And if you're talking about in the WORLD, the precentage is much tinier.
FOr isntance: A man was reading a Maxum magazine in Afghanistan, and an afghan was so offended by his perversions, that he actually attemptd to stab the soldier. Luckily are soldiers are highly trained and quick to reac, but you see my point. The entirity of Afgh. is that way.
I assume you're talking about yoru specific country though.
Either way, statistics say nothing.
I just thought taht would give you more hope in finding a guy who doens't.
~SY.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2009): So, did you not recieve any help here at all?
Lol. How sad on our half. Sorry about that.
I still stand by what i've said though. There are people out there who don't. And NO I DON'T hang out with a bunch of puritans. Religion annoys me to no end.
I guess you just have to know and know well that it's the whole package that matters. If you see a gorgeous shirtless man walking around, do you suddenly love your boyfriend any less? I'm guessing no. And I guess that's the way it works for both genders.
~SY.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2009): Ok, OP here. I had to stop talking to my ex best friend because he and I had something a few years ago... something strictly sexual, only for pleasure, we were friends with benefits, only physical... then it stopped, we continued being best friends, no problems there, then I met my boyfriend through my ex best friend, then my boyfriend learned about my past, and he got incredibly upset and jealous, so I did the obvious thing and cut contact with my friend. He thinks what I did is wrong, that I shouldn't have been doing sexual things with just a friend. Because he never did that, he's only been with girls he cared about in a romantic way. I had to stop, 'cause he wouldn't accept it. Why do I have to accept porn? My past is IN THE PAST, it's not current, like his porn is.
And well, maybe I see from a different perspective. With all due respect, but LIERIN and Satin, if you allow me to say this, maybe you don't see it from my perspective because both of you are BEAUTIFUL, with capital letters! You girls are gorgeous... honest. I've often read how you usually have no problems getting attention from guys, but that is not my case. Maybe I should've mentioned this before. I'm not the typical "Omg im sooo ugly plz help everyone says im beautiful but i feel so ugly when my man looks at porn i have big boobs am blonde and have a tiny waist but i feel ugly help".
I've been teased for being ugly. Not fat, 'cause I'm not, but ugly. As in, my face is not very attractive, it's not disgusting, but it's just plain. And no amount of make up can make it better. Genetically I'm plain, I have practically no breasts, etc. That's why I feel so insecure. If I were beautiful and had a fantastic body, maybe I wouldn't care about his porn. If men checked me out when I'm out, I'd feel more confident. How pathetic, but it's the way I feel. Instead, I never get any attention, my friends always get the attention, and I don't feel represented by what's on the cover of magazines or on TV. I'm ugly. That's why, ever since I was a kid, I focused on studying, artsy stuff and well... I spent a lot of time alone. Popular kids didn't like me and didn't invite me to parties, and so on. My self esteem has been low ever since I hit like 12 years old or something, when I started realizing boys treated pretty girls different.
Also because where I live TV is saturated with images of perfection. I'd say even more than in the US. It's very tacky, but guys love it all the same. I've not met a single guy (my age at least) that doesn't like it, so finding another guy who doesn't watch porn is not an option for me unless I move out of the country. Or I could just stay single forever and get some cats (which I love anyway). I've actually considered that, I'm not kidding. I've just NEVER felt beautiful in my life, and while it's hard to accept, it's true... people care about looks, a lot. It may be PI to say, but it's true. And I'm not beautiful, so what do I do? I'm screwed!
That's why maybe it's more difficult to accept. I never get positive feedback on my looks, no matter how much I try. My boyfriend tells me I'm pretty, only because he's in love with me. But he's also told me other women are prettier and it's just a fact. Therefore I don't feel pretty, even if it is a fact. Because I see with my own eyes that other women get more attention. So yeah. It's hard to build up the self esteem that was crushed when I was 12, now that I'm 20. Especially with the emphasis on looks, and how something that I don't have is more valuable than what I do have (brains and talents). Sometimes I wish I was blind. Horrible thing to think, I know.
I actually think I snagged my boyfriend ONLY because this is a small town and I'm like the only girl who shares his interests (particularly music, I play guitar) and because I'm not an airhead. But if a better looking version of me came along, I'm sure I'd have to watch out. He's always horny, maybe because he sees a lot of prettier, sexier girls when I'm not around? That's what's made college even worse for me. In high school we wore uniforms. In college, all girls are prettier, with nicer bodies, showing it off (we have hot weather all year long).
I'm screwed. Sadly.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2009): Ok.. we are doing an aweful lot of argueing amoungst each other without even knowing what the OP is thinking, and isn't she the important one here?
I'm finished with this subject and with these converstaions. Prehaps i've or we've gotten a bit carried away.
Truce.
~SY.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2009): Well, even if men aren't biologically wired that way, what happens in the male brain when he sees porn or naked women, the brain rewires itself and makes connections to that and associates it with arousal. Those connections stay put. It's like with any pleasure center the brain does that. So the predisposition for wiring exists in both males and females and it starts from when they are born. With some, those pleasure centers are overactivated and tend to cause addiction- that's all genetic too. That's why addiction is often called a disease of the brain. Remember too, that back in the days of the Scarlet Letter, it wasn't acceptable to be as sexually open but men still fantasized. They may have not been picturing big fake boobs but bare ankles peaking out under a long skirt or tendrils falling over a lady's neck but the wiring is still there, just different images. Same concept. A woman back then would have been just as enraged if she saw her husband staring at the bare ankles of the lady sitting in front of them at church. Same scene, different era.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2009): I didn't say that porn is wrong. I don't care about it. I even said, the only reason i never watched it was becuase of my own self esteem. Not because of anything else.
She asked for someone to relate to.. someone to tell her its ok to not accept it. She didn't get that. She got people telling her why she should just accept it. therefore, she did not recieve help.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2009): "He doesnthave to change and you dont have to change .. if you dont match .. find another guy"
Phew. That is EXACTLY what i've been trying to say and i finally got some backup!
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A
male
reader, Confuzzled012  +, writes (11 June 2009):
 Porn to me is degrading, immoral, disgusting.. why would I want to watch to people F**k each other?
I love my wife. I am in love with her and she is the only one i have every been in love with and becuase of that, she is the only woman i have everr lusted over. I don't fantasize about any other woman and I don't look at other women in a sexual manner.
If i accidently come across another woman naked (movie, tv or whatever) I turn my head but from what i see, i don't get turned on. I have to care for someone in order to get turned on by them.
I was raised with southern values, almost no people, and corn feilds. I came here when i was 10 and was horrified by the people here. It is where we raised that defines us, not our genetics for christ sake. To say that men are genetically wired to be this way? I don't like to be stereotyped that way. I am not like the people around me and that's my choice.
You are all acting as if all men are fantasizing porn jacking off robots who can't control their sex drive. This poor girl probably has no hope for men.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2009): I actually like what the poster has to say below me. Just I want to add that men are not biologically wired for this sort of thing. It's the culture we are in.
Has anyone been to Afghanistan lately? Anyone here born during the time of "the scarlet letter"?
They're not automactically that way. It's the area they're raised in and how they choose to be.
It seems a lot of women choose to tell themselves that to make excuses for their men but it's simply not true.
~SY.
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A
female
reader, LIERIN +, writes (11 June 2009):
 LMAO .... Jeeezzz girl !!!
Guys like different things ... girls like different things .. some guys love ass some guys love big boobs ... it doesnt matter no one will love you or that you are less of a woman !! Why women have fake boobs? Because men made them do it .. because it makes them look more feminine ... it doestn mean you ahve to run and get a surgery .. you should just be happy with what you have !! And you are NOT if you keep comparing yoruself to some stupid porn stars
This is not about porn .. this is about you and your selfesteem. work on yourself and you will feel so much better !!!!
He doesnthave to change and you dont have to change .. if you dont match .. find another guy. You cant expect him to not do it just caues you dont like it .. its not likeh e is cheating on you !!!! He is just fantasizing ...
Have you ever thought that people actually have fantazies about other people while having an actual SEX???? It doesnt matter if he is watching TV or if he is looking at a magazine, girl on astreet, at work or if he is w you in a bed and just thinking of someone else !!!! Everyone does it ... especially if you are w someoen for years ... there are some people that maybe dont, but most do ... but it doesnt mean THAT HE DOES NOT LOVE YOU !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You have to work on your selfesteem ... you have to love yoruself the way you are
I dont care if you have big boobs, small boobs, big ass or small ass ... THIS IS NOT ABOUT ME OR YOUR BOYFREIEND ... this is ABOUT YOU !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You have to love yourself ... forget dumb ass porn forget your boyfriend now .. think of you !!!! It doesnt matter what the whole world thinks .. it doesnt matter if the whole worls loves big fake boobs and blonde girls ... there will always be someoen that will lovey ou the way you are !!! And you just have to find him !
but do not expect every guy to be disgusted by porn and naked women .. because womans body is beautiful ... and its nice to look at ... there is just nothign wrong with it .. and it doenst mean that the guy doesnt love you or doesnt care about you !!! he loves you the same ... and you just undestand it .. or find someoen else!
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A
female
reader, LIERIN +, writes (11 June 2009):
I love when people lie ... for example when they say to fat girls .. oh baby dont worry men dont care if you are fet or skinny ... BS - been there done that!!!! Men do care !!!
When I was fat guys wouldn give a flying F ... if i was around or not .. the mintue I became thin guys would kill themselves to be around me ... people DO CARE how you look !!!!! Its sad and cruel, but they do care !!!! And so people should work on themselves adn not let themselves go just because bounch of people tells you its ok to be not put together!That doesnt mean that you have to run to get implants !!!
Or when you tell her, how porn is wrong ... you wont make her feel better .. you just make her more misserable in her own lil world. Life is way too short for being upsest w something like stupid porn ... its nothing !!! It has nothing to do with her...its a stupid fantasy ... it wont hurt her or her boyfriend .. and if sheis really that crazy about her bf watching it .. than find another guy,that doesnt watch it ... because this wont wont stop just cause she doesnt like it !!!
Yes its actually out of statistic.It has been taken from all around the world and the number was 96%of male population and about 70%of female. I have seen it couple of years ago ... so who knows whats the number now ...
If you know 8guys out of 10 that doesnt watch porn .. than good for you ... I clap my hands .. you are probably the only one ... or you hang out w puritans only or they are simply lying! Guys do not like telling everyone that they are watching porn.
WHEN WILL PEOPLE UNDERSTAND THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH SEX, PORN AND SEXUALITY ITSELF!!
Its part of life.
I am not talkingabout disgusting childporn,animal porn ... and such other gross stuff ... but normal porn ... whats so wrong with that ??
Guys dont care about brests? NO .. they will date a girl w small or big breasts .. but if she has none, they wish she had some ... why people lie so much?? Its like ... people dont care how you look - ofcourse they do!! It doesnt matter if you are skinny or tall or brunette or blonde .. but they do care if you look good and take care of yourself !!! Every guy likes something different ... some like big boobs, some like small ... every person likes different things but breasts are beautiful .. that doesnt mean that women w small breasts are not a whole woman!!!
Well lets say this ... at lesat porn stars are being checked for STD's ... not like when guys go to a strip club and get a BJ or have sex w strippers (which is done in strip clubs on regular baces ... n oone has to say .. oh no its not true .. i know my own) ... or just go on a street and get a hooker.
If you think about it ... a woman thats about 30 years old and single slept w probably 10 people in her life maybe less maybe more... a guy usually more ... does that make them whores too??? Why are they whores? Cause they are on TV and geting paied for it???? Damn ... wish the jerks that I have dated in the past for nothing paied for it too .. LMAO
Now I am w a boyfriend that loves me and I love him and we are planing on getting married ... do I care if he watches porn? Hell no!! Cause I know it has absolutely nothing to do with me, orthat he loves me less because of it !!!!
the "ewww porn" was from another question that I have seen on this site ... not from this one. Its just funny what women go through for no reason. Why do they kill themselves thinking that it has somethign to do with them, and how horrible is their bf acting when watching porn, and that they are missing something .. etc ... its all in their head!!!!!
This is only what I think ... and there is many people that think differently. Im not making anyone to believe in what I say ... this is my opinion and so be it!
She asked help ...
That doesnt mean that everyone will sing the same song as she does !!!! People do actually have opinions .. and I dont like to LIE and tell people what they want to hear .. i tell them the cold truth, the way I see it !
I understand she doesnt like porn,and Im not telling her ... OH U GOTTA LOVE IT .. because she doesnt ... Im just saying, that you cant tell her "Oh yeah its wrong" ... its not ... if she is w a guy, taht likes porn and she has an issue w that ... than she is better off finding another one, that does not care about it ... because this one will not stop .. why would he? Its not like its something bad!!!!
Will you stop smoking because I dont like it?
Will you stop watching CNN because I dont like it?
Will you stop talking to all girls, because I dont like it?
Will you stop hanging out w your friend,s because I dont like it?
Will you stop snoring becaue I dont like it??
People always find something to hate on the other one ... YOU CANT CHANGE HIM ... so if you cant live with the fact he is this way ... FIND ANOTHER MAN THAT DOESNT DO IT !!!!! You cant expect him, to give it up, because you dont like it ... and if he saiz, he will .. he will do it behind your back ... you better off either forgeting about it .. or getting a guy,that doesnt do it ...
Thats all
Love me or Hate me ...
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2009): Yeah, guys fantasize about blondes with big boobs but that's just fantasy. What they want in reality is the whole package. You are making a sexual fantasy fill up that whole package when it has little to do with it. They get defensive when they know you take it so personally like you are. You might hate it and that's your right but hating it won't change it. If there were no porn, they'd still fantasize about big boobs while masturbating or whatever their fetish is. If he knows you hate it and won't accept it, then he'll hide it. After he gets tired of looking at blondes with big boobs then he'll probably start looking at brunettes with nice asses because men like variety. A man can be with one woman the rest of his life and love her to death but he's going to fantasize about other women either through porn, women at work, women on the street, or sometimes even your friends. That's how men are wired biologically. It's no big deal as long as he doesn't prefer those fantasies over his sex life with you. If you can't handle him looking at porn, you definitely would never want to peak inside a man's head and know all the sexual thoughts he has! Accepting it or not accepting isn't going to alter genetics or biology. Your problem isn't porn really, it's that your man isn't going to fantasize about you only. Even if he never looked at porn again in his life, the fantasies won't change, they just wouldn't be visible to you anymore. It's true that many people prefer denial over reality. "what you don't know can't hurt you" right?
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2009): I truely feel sorry for this girl. She came on here asking if there was some way she could NOT have to accept it, and she got comments telling her how much men love breats and porn, and how "i'm big breasted and wouldn't change it for nothin" becaues "men like big boobs." this isn't helping her. She is being told not to worry about somethign "so little" as it is nthing. But to her, it is. It's a big deal and it's taken a real toll on her.
People have their own minds. She has the right to not accept porn. She has the right to hate it and not have it shoved in her face that she should just get over it.
Prehaps I was originally wrong and she did not come to the right place.
I'm very sorry.
Prehaps it is where we live and who we associate ourselves with that makes some of us think that every male except a couple in the whole world watched porn. 99%? Is that based off of the people you know or is it an actualy statistic?
If it is actual, it is wrong. I know.. lets see..
8 men right off the top of my head who don't engage in porn.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2009): I didn't see any comments on here that were as immmaturely written as "omg eww gross porn" so if you're referring to me then i'd appreciate it if you didn't.
If not, my apologies.
secondly,
you can leave someone for watching porn.
Some women just cannot live with it. They are insecure, they have values that tell them that porn is wrong. They have morals that keep them looking upon these acts.
For me, it is only the first. I will never become more secure if I don't stop comparing myself to other people. And now i've found a man who hates porn for all those reasons, I don't have to feel bad or worried about it ever agian. I can finally feel ok with myself.
That is why there are different people in the world; to match each others' needs and wants. You can be with someone who lvoes porn, becuase you love it.
But she cannot, be she hates it and it is getting her more worked up than i have ever seen an OP on this site.
She does not have to accept it. She does not have to change anything at all about herself. Becuase there is someone for her who will be compatable wiht her JUST the way she is.
~SY.
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female
reader, BecciHelenT  +, writes (10 June 2009):
I know exactly how you feel. To me these porn stars are not beautiful and i woudln't want to be seen in a porn film. I don't think your jealous of the girls in the porn because you think they are just fake skanks. I think your jealous of the fact that your guy likes to watch them and it makes you feel insecure and makes you feel as if you have to live up to those standards. A big percent of guys watch porn because it reminds them of their own sex (not saying their girlfriends are fake pornstars) but maybe their girl is great at something and watching the porn where the same thing is happening just reflects what they get. You should feel good for that because they appreciate what your doing that much that they want to replay it just without you being filmed!
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reader, holikdad +, writes (10 June 2009):
LIERIN - You're funny I enjoyed your comments. :)I'm 37 year old married male so here are my two cents on your post.I like porn, duh, anyone fall over surprised by that statement? But it doesn't control my life and I don't watch it constantly nor am I addicted to it. But I do enjoy it.I really could care less about breast size, I'm more of a butt guy, and all women have those. Unless they were involved in a terrible thrasher accident. :) Flat chested, big chested, doesn't matter to me, unless they're to big then it kind of grosses me out.It may seem to you that you accept more of his quirks and qualities than he does, but that's just your point of view. Unless he's a jerk he accepts you and you accept him so I wouldn't stress about it. Unless he starts having you dress like a porn star and starts calling you by her name you have nothing to worry about.Women mostly have sex with a guy because of emotional reasons and guys are all about the physical. If they're attracted to you they'll sleep with you. How often have you heard a man say about a women "I know she's ugly, but she has a great personality so I'm dating/married her"?Just because he watches porn doesn't mean that secretly he's sending in applications to the porn companies trying to get a job.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2009): same guy again...
I like your breasts just fine. I don't know you and I don't know your breasts, but I already and automatically like them.
Ignoring all the talk, has any guy actually chosen not to "experience" your breasts at any time you were nice enough to give him the opportunity? I'm guessing not.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2009): same guy...Wow. Okay, I'll back off some of the extreme wording I used.Some girls like porn.I stand by my conclusion about breast size. I have never known any guy to utter even a single negative comment about any breast to which he had access. How would any girl know if breast size matters to a guy? You don't go by what they say to you or others do you?The word whore may have been incorrect. They have sex in return for money...that makes them prostitutes (sex for money). Or perhaps you know something I don't, that these women are doing it for free. Maybe they are. I made an assumption.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2009): But LIERIN, why do I have to accept it? Accept something I don't like? Why can't he, for a change, accept something? Why do I have to lighten up? I don't watch soap operas or chick flicks, that's crap anyway.
Oh, and great for you saying most guys love big boobs and good for you having a big chest and saying men don't like flat chested women, that really MADE my day... /sarcasm
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female
reader, LIERIN +, writes (10 June 2009):
to the Anonymous guy that wrote the long comment:ALL WOMEN DO NOT HATE PORN!! Thats a fact ... there are many women that do not care or actually like it as men do. I am not a freak that watches porn every week, but I do not mind it, and I will watch it if I feel like it, and I dont even mind watching it with a guy ... fun times. LOTS OF MEN DO CARE ABOUT BREAST SIZE! I know many many men ... and most of them do like big boobs, doesnt mean, that they have to be superl arge ... but most men, do not like flat women ... thats the cruel truth (for some of us). Thats the same as a guy w a supersmall penis ... who wants that? Breast come in all different sizes .. and I agree that super big boobs look mostly disgusting ... but some fake boobs look actually fabulous ... I am naturally pretty big chested and I would not change it for nothing ... men love breasts .. and I think breast are beautiful ... I honestly dont really know many guys that dont watch porn ... I would say 99% of male population and maybe 70% of female population does watch porn. Also lets not call porn star whores ... they are just people that love sex and do not care about having it infront of camera. I do agree that in some way, if you dont understand it, it can leave a bad inmpact on someone.Like guys think that if they dont have huge penis as the guys in porn will not satisfy a woman ... thats BS !!!!! Same thing w blonde bombshells w big boobs ... its all just a Fantasy business ... take it as it is ... No one said you have to be like the girls on porn ... no one is expecting that from you ... ITS JUST A FANTASY .. no one wants you to have super fake boobs and blonde hair and be 6foot and be able to get 3 guys into your vagina ... NO ONE WANTS THAT!!!!When will women understand that it HAS NOTHING TO DO W THEM !!!!!!! I love the comments when women are like "Oh my God, how gross, leave him!!! You can find someone that doesnt watch porn !! eeww ... " PLEASE LADIES!!! why would anyone leave someone just cause he is watching porn??? Would a guy leave a woman cause she is watching soup's???? For us woman ... a soap opera has a same effect on our emotions as a porn on a guy !!!! We work differently!!!! We want that big love, big house and great men ... guys don't care about such until its actually there ... they just wanna have fun - they are like lil boys - their whole life!!!Im sure some men do not watch porn ... but its not many of them. You can always tell him how you feel about it ... but Ill tell u one, if he is watching it now, he wont stop just cause you dont like it. he will just hide it ... just let go ... focus on your life and on being happy and forget such a stupid stuff like porn !! Who cares anyway ... life is soooo short to be bothered by something soooo little !!! good luck
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2009): To the guy below me: You are generalizing and stereotyping to no end.
A lot of girls love porn. You can tell that by the answers below us.
And a lot of guys do care about breast size. Just as lot of them don't care, a lot of them do.
Not every young guy is porn loving. I met mine when he was 17.
People are not all the same and I don't thin that either gender likes to be told they are.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2009): from a guy...1. Actually, women are the executives in some of the most successful porn companies, so they create what they think men want to see. At that level it is just a business and all they care about is making money. If they thought women with purple breasts and purple hair would make money, tomorrow that's what would be in porn. If they thought average size penises would make money, tomorrow that's what would be in porn (I wish they would use more realistic guys in their videos. Young teen boys see porn on the internet and it is taking a heavy psychological toll on small to average guys and even some above-average guys. Just look through some of the posts on this and other web sites. I think young girls are getting the wrong idea too. But as you say, penis size is another issue.)2. If you will go to a sampling of porn sites, (and I am sorry to suggest that to you) amateur videos submitted voluntarily are becoming far more popular than the pro junk. Some of the pro companies are noticing and are attempting to produce fake amateur porn. Their acting is no better there than in their pro version.2. All women hate porn. You are just like all other females and all other females are like you. I think women hate it because they think they must attempt to compete with porn. Nothing could be further than the truth. I would leave my wife if she tried to be like one of those porn whores. I love her like she is.3. I am now in my mid 50s so I have been most every age before that including yours. I have known thousands of guys at every different age. For guys, porn is merely cheap entertainment. I consider pro-wrestling more legitimate than pro-porn. I would estimate that there is less porn watching now since video games have become popular. Why? Video games are cheap entertainment that competes with porn for time. Back in the 1950s and 1960s, before VCRs and the internet, guys spent inordinate amounts of time working on cars and motorcycles. It was cheap entertainment. Girls hated that too - they thought the guy love the car more than their gf.4. Guys care nothing about breast size and you are right, guys hate implants. Guys do not watch porn because they prefer large fake breasts. Porn is cheap entertainment. There is actually a substantial porn market based on small breasted women. I have never known any guy that cared about breast size - but be cautioned, that is different from what guys like to talk about. So no matter what guys say, breast size is a non-factor.5. So what is so entertaining about porn? It is probably a combination of the circus effect combined with the forbidden effect. You go to the circus to see unusual things. That doesn't mean you want to go out and put your head in a lion's mouth. As you know, for most of our history sex has been off limits so once a guy can do as he pleases, he watches porn which is a visual packaging of sex. 6. Believe it or not, due to what I called the circus effect, guys actually wonder what an unusually large penis looks like. Remember, none of us have actually seen one. They are extremely rare. Anyway, that does not mean we are homosexual. That means we are curious. That means nothing more than we would also be interested in seeing the tallest building, the fastest car, the grand canyon, the tallest mountain, and so on. If you are into TLC, you might also be interested in seeing what a 200 pound tumor looked like, but not because you wanted to actually have a large tumor. It is curiosity. Sombody wants to see that tumor because TLC and other networks run the show over and over.7. Maybe I have only known odd guys in my lifetime, but except for very young teen boys, I have never known any guy who drools over porn or considers porn a desirable fantasy. Porn can be sexually stimulating for guys (and I assume some few girls) and that sometimes leads to masturbation, particularly in younger guys with greater libido.Personally, though I have looked at it from time to time out of curiosity, I have never much cared for pro porn. Thanks to the internet, I have looked at the amateur stuff some but there is nothing fantastic (no fantasy) about it. I am once again just curious to see what regular girls look like. (I always did think they were probably naked underneath their clothes.) Anyway...One final point, I assume your guy is about your age. Guys that age are immature and say and do immature things, especially talk. That is part of the package of a guy that age. You and females in general are far more mature at the same age. You may have to put up with a lot of immature talk from your guy but it will go away with time. If you changed to another guy the same age, chances are that the new one will be no more mature than the current one. The alternative is to date older guys who have started taking their life and the world seriously.I hope I have put your mind and perhaps the minds of some others somewhat at ease. That was my purpose in writing.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2009): For real, don't let anyone tell you that you need to change your outlook or devalue in order to be okay with this. There are men who find it very immoral and wrong. There are men who think it's ok, but once they are in a relationship they stop becuase their girlfriends is the ONLY person they want to see in a sexual way.
PM if you need a chat.
~SY.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2009): Seems like you're looking at only the very most mainstream porn available.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2009): Woah baby girl calm down.
Let me give you a secret you may thouroughly enjoy:
YOU DON'T HAVE TO ACCEPT IT.
And not all men on the planet drool over it. Mine in particular. He hates it, he always has. He's never even laid eyyes on it because he wonders why anyone would want to watch two other people have sex. He is also repulsed by the porn stars (male and female) for performing these acts on video.
This is why there are different kinds of people. There is someone for you out there who will be perfect for you in every way, and you have a passonate hatred for porn, and so does some other guy. They're hard to find, but they're there.
(and in case you're assuming, no, my husband is not religous in anyway). His brother is the same way as him, but he's mormon.
Anyway.. If it makes you insecure and you hate it then it is most likely because you have different values from your boyrfriend. That is the way you will always be. There is nothing that any one of us can tell you taht will make you accept porn and that's becuase you should not try to chagne yourself to fit into today's society.
And in response to another point, I dont' think you will get many defensice people on this site working against you. I think in general, we try to answer questions we can relate to and give a reasonable respsonse to so that we don't end up criticizing and hurting people.
You have come to the right place.
~SY.
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female
reader, LIERIN +, writes (10 June 2009):
Hey Girl
Ok so first ....
Why are porn stars blonde and boobelicious? Well .. men love breasts !!! Most of them dont care about if they are real or fake and thats the truth ... but there are some, that do NOT like fakes (most dont care..as long as you ahve boobs).
Why blonde??? Since the world started running around ... for some strange reason, men were always drawn to the blond bombshells .. dont ask me why. I was born as a brunette ... the minute I died my hair blonde I cant get rid of guys ...
But also .. there are not only blonde girls on porn .. there is many MANY pretty brunettes .... etc ... but for some reason .. blondes have this sexual aura around them I guess ... and thats why they are so popular for men
Penis size does and does not matter.
I had a guy that had quite a large penis ... it hurted at the begining, but I got use to it (remember your vagina is made to strech into a size of a small wattermellon!!!!) ... and I do admit, I have dumped a guy because he had the tinniest penis i have ever seen in my life ... (didnt tell him ofcourse)
Size does matter ... I admit ... but if he is not super small or super large, than I dont care at all.
Porn is not a bad thing. There are worst things than that. Be happy your BF is not going after hookers, strippers and other stuff like that. Porn is harmless (but also can get addicting!!!).
When he saiz "what is there not to like" ... for him its no about the girls ... its abotu the act ... he doesnt care if that girl has a green eyes and is twice divorced w a bad credit score ... it is only about the act ... he doesnt have to bother w her BS every nite about whre you been waht have you done .. blah blah blah .. my boobs are too small .. my ass is too big blah blah blah ... its JUST ABOUT THE ACT ...
I didnt understand it either ,until I watched it years ago on my own adn found things that make me absolutely crazy ... also learned how to give the best BJ's ...
Girl, Porn is not a bad thing, if he is not sitting on it nonstop ... its ok, you cant change it and so maybe you could suprice him w a lil "porn nite movie for you 2".
Again
This is not about being fake or not. Its a FANTASY. Like maybe you have a Fantasy of a perfect men or a fantasy over some actor ... wahtever ... for men, its just a fantasy to see something like that because hardly any of em will EVER have someone like that at home ...
Most women are not soo sexual as women in porn movies ... and lots of guys seak that for such a rason. Sometimes they jsut wanna "jerkoff" fast and quietly without the whole cuddeling and kissing and blah blah ... and they watch porn.
I am extremely sexual woman and honestly can have sex couple of times a day and I will still not be satisffied ... and my BF still jerks off to porn movies when I am not home or busy w something ... and its OK ... because WE ALL DO THAT ...
You have to understand...men do not work as women .. they do not see things same way, they do not understand things the same way ...
Men are VERY visual ... we are not!!!!!!!!
They need tos ee things, to actually get all horny ... we dont, we are fine w an image in our head ...
BTW ... the biggest porn distributors ARE WOMEN !!!!!!! not men !!!
Dont worry girl .. hes not doing anything that you should be worry about ... he is just being a guy ...
XOXO Lierin
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2009): IT'S JUST FANTASY.
Just like Macdonalds, "reality" TV, celebrity gossip and bad horror movies, they can be wrong and cheesy and fake and bad for you but still a lot of fun.
I agree with you, a lot of mainstream porn is very misogynistic and kind of lame. I like porn, but long ago I went out and looked for "alternative" porn that showed something a little more than fake hair, fake boobs and fake orgasms. It does exist.
"Amateur porn" can be good because the women are real and the sex is real too, and the capitalism is taken out of it. But, if you don't like it, don't watch it!
Your guy friends may or may not be fools, certainly I think relying on that kind of porn too much can be a little sad/damaging. But chill out. They usually see real life girls and porn girls as totally different species...
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