A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi. Would I be right in saying that if a man and a woman fancy each other and are exposed to each other for sustained periods of time (i.e. months/years at work) then basically they are going to sleep together regardless of whether or not one or other has children/is married - would that be a correct assumption in today's selfish world? Thanks for any thoughts.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2009): if you're asking this question, them I'm guessing it's one of two things. Either you are contemplating doing it yourself, or you had it done to you already. Either way, the answer is no. This is not always what happens, and it won't do you any good (in either situation) to believe that this always happens.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2009): Blondy is right. And when i said thankfully morality is dead i meant other aspects of life i never suggested cheating is good etc
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A
female
reader, Blondy +, writes (12 June 2009):
 I am going to repeat what everyone else has already said: NO! That is not a correct assumption at all! People can be faithful if they want to. Just because you spend lots of time with someone doesn't mean you HAVE to sleep with eachother. If you are truly commited to your partner you will not cheat and it wont be hard to not cheat. I have been hit on many times while in my current relationship, I have always declined because I have a fiance love him far too much to cheat on him.
Obviously there are going to people out there who don't care about their marriage vows or the fact that they are supposed to be in a committed relationship, but to say that ALL people are like that is completely wrong. Even now that I wear an engagement ring I still get hit on at jobs, I think that is stupid because they are obviously going to get rejected, but I still just show them my finger and say no, and I will always do that.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2009): Oh dear, what happened? I think you are totally wrong in your assumption. Just because it happened to you, or it happens to some people, it doesn't mean that every human being on the planet is inclined to act the same way.
It's funny how people love to explain things in terms of "human nature". You know, men do this, women do that, scorpios act like this, liberals are like that, Americans this, kids these days etc etc.
You should think really carefully why it is that you have decided that the world is selfish. Has your partner been selfish? Have many of your partners been selfish? What about your own personal responsibility in the situation? What did you contribute? Are you selfish too?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2009): no, NO, NOOOOO. This is not a given at all. Yes, I slept with 3 women who I worked with years ago, but this was because I was dating those women. I was not close to any of them until we started dating. By the way, I was single and they were single at the time.
I have been much closer to other women at work than I ever was to any of the ones who I dated before I started dating them. I worked closely with some of them for months or years and even had dinner with one of them and had lunch with several of them. We might have made some harmless flirting comments, but that was just to let each other know that we found them attractive. There was never anything remotely sexual, even though there was a perfect opportunity with the one who I had dinner with. She was out of town where I lived and staying overnight at a motel. I lived a distance from work and traveled every day. She was married and I was single and we liked each other. We had dinner and did some shopping and then I went home. No sex, no kissing, no touching. Just friends out for a nice evening. I respect the women who I work with as people, not sexual objects. Sure, I notice the attractive ones, but that is all.
I've known other men and women who have worked closely together and liked each other without anything sexual happening between them. My wife is the same as me. She has worked closely with men and once dated one who was a friend who she worked with, but they were both single at the time. There is nothing wrong with 2 single people dating and having sex, even if they work together. However, it is not inevitable.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2009): No, this behavior is not right. And if a couple who has worked together did 'choose' to boink each other, after being "exposed to each other for sustained periods of time (i.e. months/years at work" regardless of whether or not one or other has children and is married", is indeed a very selfish thing to do! We as humans all need to eat, drink and breathe. Those are needs. Having sex with a co-worker is not a need but a desire so therefore it's a clearcut choice. And a downright poor, self-involved choice, especially if one is married with children. Because as we know, a ' desire' is something someone just damn well wants to do and to heck with everyone else. People that screw around on their spouses are simply choosing to to solve their own sad, emotional problems rather than dealing with the cracks/issues in their own marriages. People who screw around lack ethics and should be held accountable for their actions in my books.
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A
male
reader, Boonridge McPhalify  +, writes (11 June 2009):
 thinking that there is no choice involved in the process of multiple humans engaging in behaviour is very stupid.
let me guess, this attitude stems from a fatalistic idea that we have everything mapped out according to anothers plan and that bad people are doing the planning.
life is a big game with many choices that we all make at every level by ourselves for ourselves. taking others into account and behaving according to morals (which makes logical sense in the long run) is our choice and you cannot blame it on anything else.
the world is grey and we make it so
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2009): Even social morality is segregated through a spectrum of ideals throughout the world and its communities. Therefore, who's morals are you basing the generalized morality on? If you say through the morals of a God or Gods, then which God or which Gods are you referring to? On top of that, which faith, religion, wing and denomination of that God or Gods are your morals based from?
As such, personal choices are often based on perspective and logic, rather than a generalized morality. A generalized morality 'should' only have a 'surface' influence for the choices people make in their lives, unless it directly affects people beyond just you and your lover(s).
Morality is a series of ideals set over time, filtered through many processes by people within a community for everyone to follow. It is more like a generalized guideline within a community than an universal law that governs the personal lives of people. However, there are those in the world that feel such moral values should govern the personal lives of people.
Where do you all fit in?
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (11 June 2009):
 Hahahaha!
I'm sorry, I don't mean to laugh. I just think that that is a pretty wild assumption! You're assuming that NOBODY has self control, NOBODY has morals, EVERYBODY prioritizes getting laid with no regard to anything else. You must not know very nice people. People make choices every day between yes or no, good or bad, right or wrong. It's silly to assume that all of them pick the worst choice! You must be feeling very cynical towards the universe right now... has somebody wronged you? If so, I'm terribly sorry - some people ARE selfish, some people can think of no one but themselves and their impulse urges. But, the world isn't like that, lots of people aren't like that, I'm not like that.
So there's my opinion, but I'm interested in what others with say....
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2009): Well it certainly seems to go that way in todays world but sometimes it does not. Some people actually care about commitment and does not sleep with other people (im yet to meet that person but im sure there is) and there are people who will sleep with each other regardless of marriage. it depends on what that person feels in their marriage i suppose and how happy they are.But the answer to your question is an all round no because as I said before some people wont go out and do that.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2009): No, don't be ridiculous, some people still have morals and understand committment which is what love is all about, not feelings and sexual attraction, every one has those. It is one's concscious choices that matter after all our brains are what seperate us from animals.
And yes our world is crazier and more selfish than it ever has been, but that doesn't mean what you are suggesting is a given!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2009): thankfully these days to many people morality is dead. who cares about others 'morals' when it is not thier life x
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A
female
reader, sunshineey  +, writes (11 June 2009):
well, not if they have any respect for their marriage and their spouse and family life. Attraction is normal and human nature, acting upon it is not. Hopefully they are smart enough to think about the consequences before they make a mistake.
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