A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Things have got complicated with my best guy friend. We have been friends for 5 years and met at university. It all began with me liking him and flirting when we were out at partys and kissing (nothing more). However he got together with my friend which really upset me (they are no longer together). Since then we became good friends and I thought my feelings had gone away. We moved apart but still meet up lots and still good friends.However recently on a night out he tried to kiss me in which I said no because he was drunk. Afterwards I realise that actually all these feelings towards him are still there. Anyway a few weeks later this happens again which then leads him to invite me round to his house one evening and he cooked dinner (something he never does for himself) and watch a movie. It ended up with us all snuggled up together and some more kissing in which both of us comment on how this is the first time it has happened and no alcohol involved. Week afterwards this happens again....no alcohol,dinner, movie, kissing...perhaps a little bit more!!We are always joking with each other that if by the time we are both 40 and still single we will get married. Anyway he always brings up 'when we get married we will do this....' Sometimes I think when are we still joking and when is this real?!!Since then things have gone quiet. I have been trying to speak to him and I can't stop thinking about him. He has ignored me or rarely replies to me. I've picked him up on this and he says he hasn't. I just don't know what to do. It seems he is the one that was making all the effort but I have been just really cautious with him as I do not want to get hurt again and as being his best friend I know how he can treat girls. I've never told him my feelings towards him, even when we first met and I'm not sure if he knows or if I should say...I wouldn't even know where to begin in telling him.Part of me feels perhaps the moment has passed to say anything?? And then I get angry and think he has just used me and think he couldn't possibly like me. I just don't know what to do :(
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your replies. We are still not really talking properly and I get the feeling he is avoiding talking about it because it was just a friends with benefits thing. I think for now it's time to get back on track with being just friends and if the opportunity arises to tell him how I feel I will. Otherwise as you say, this could go round in circles....which it has been for a long time!! I think I'm at that point where I would just like to know either way. Thanks guys :)
A
female
reader, cindy888  +, writes (12 June 2009):
I think this was just a friends with benefits thing and he doesn't want a relationship so he's avoiding that discussion with you. You can always tell him your feelings but my experience has always been bad when I do this. Both times its been when they've come on strong and then I get ignored so I think it's because they don't know how I feel and then I find out it's because they don't want to know how I feel. arg! I don't think he used you because neither of you talked about a relationship and both of you wanted to have sex. You just wanted more?
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A
male
reader, Dreamlover  +, writes (12 June 2009):
 Hi There, you have the friendship part tied down, whats stopping you from asking him for more or what exactly is going on or what he wants?
There is no time like the present, guys dont want to be smothered, dont ask him why his ignoring you etc, just ask him face to face what he wants and where he sees you two in the next couple of years.
Good Luck
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