A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi All. Sorry this is long, but I need you to know the whole story. Im 20 years old, single and currently in college, but looking for a full time job instead as college is no longer stimulating/interesting me. I was seeing and messing around with a guy over Christmas and new year. We finally had sex just after the new year at his house and it wasn't until the next day that he asked me if I was on anything. Luckily for him, I'm on the pill. However for the past month my breasts have been really sore and painful, that and I haven't had a period. I took 3 tests yesterday and it turns out I'm pregnant.I told my sisters immediately and they were very supportive, and they insisted the guy has a right to know. I texted him that I needed to speak to him asap and when he replied, I told him bluntly that I'm pregnant. He went crazy. He told me I had lied to him about the pill, how he couldn't have a baby yet because he has a future ahead of him and that I better be getting rid of it. We ended up having a massive argument. An hour later, he texted me back and apologised for blaming me, as it takes two people to have sex, but he made it clear he doesnt want a baby, it just cant happen. Im roughly 4-5 weeks gone.. my sisters and him are the only ones that know. My sisters reckon I should keep it and screw what he thinks, afterall he didn't think to protect himself. But I'm in two minds. I'm not financially stable, I still live at home with my mum, the father wants nothing to do with it and what if I regret it???I really need some guidance!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2011): Hello i reed about your situation. My advise to you is that to be sure about what can change the rest of your life. I suggest to obortion the blessing that is in u dosent deserve it. In my situation i have been trying to get preagnant and have had two miscariages and it has been very painfull for me. My husband wants to be a dad but he cant consive. I have alot of love to give to a newborn baby i really want to adop but i have check several places and is extremely expensive . so if you want to bless my life and my husbands we will give that baby the best of our lives.. thank you very much.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2011): i believe no1 can answer this question but you. you have to ask yourself are you fully ready and able to take care of this baby. yes your sisters may support and help you but are you fully ready to wake up change diapers and support another person? are you fully ready to not be able to just get up and go do what you wanna do?
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A
female
reader, amandab  +, writes (6 February 2011):
oh this is a hard one, there is only you that can decide. been a mum of two and having to do it on my own for the last 5 years i can say it is difficult, not impossible. but a baby takes such alot of looking after, its hard working and looking after a baby on your own, although it does sound like you have a good support network. as for finance it would be lovely if we could all wait until we had enough money, but somehow it never happens.
its a toughy this one but i am sure you will make the right decision, ask your Gp/anti natal is there is any counselling available
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A
female
reader, kirra07  +, writes (6 February 2011):
Don't listen to your sisters: it sounds like they think you should keep it to punish him. If you want to keep it, it has to be personal choice based on your want to have/keep the baby.
Really, at your age and financial situation, the basic thing going for you to have the baby is if you are anti-abortion, and if you believe you will regret aborting it. And the fact that the baby is part of you.
The negatives are that you are young, the father is not supportive or involved in your life, financially unstable, etc. If you keep the baby, you will lose the freedom and social life you have. Financially you will probably be unstable for quite a long time, as children are very expensive. And it will impact your dating life (little time to date, and have to find someone who is okay with your kid).
Personally, I had an abortion when I was 23. It was a really hard decision, but I chose to have one because I'm young and there are a lot of things I still want to do before having children. And I chose the abortion even though I had a supportive boyfriend who is working (I'm still in school). It was a hard decision, and after the abortion, I was still wracked with regret for quite awhile. I still feel some guilt and sadness, but I feel it was still the right decision for me. And I'm still looking forward to having children in the future when we are ready.
Only you can know if you can handle aborting or keeping the baby. Because the person that will be most impacted by this decision is you. And it's not something that will impact you a little, it's a lifelong decision either way. If you choose to abort, you might be wracked with guilt and regret for the rest of your life. Or if you choose to keep it, you will be financially, time-wise, emotionally-wise, etc. involved for the rest of your life. All I could do was give you some perspective on aspects of keeping vs aborting the baby.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2011): Wow. Sounds like a predicament. Well, for starters I would take the "guy" out of the equation altogether. He has made it clear that he wants nothing to so with a prospective baby and after all, it is your body. I think you need to go with your gut here, while of course condsidering all possible choices and the repercussions they would have in your life and the life of your unborn child. Financial stability is incredibly important, I think it should be considered heavily when you weigh your options. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, TEM +, writes (6 February 2011):
 You need to search your heart for the answer. No one can tell you whether or not to have an abortion. It is a moral decision and one you will with for the rest of your life.
The pill is not 100% effective. Answers vary, but it is something like 92% - 99% effective. That means some women do get pregnant. Unfortunately, you are one of them.
There are a number of places you can receive counseling. I advise you to do a search and locate places in your area. It's a big decision. You might find the guidance of those trained in this area of counseling helpful.
There is a choice other than abortion or keeping the baby. You could put the baby up for adoption. Good luck my dear.
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