A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:OK1 Here is goes! I am pregnant with a guy who is verbally abusive. He accuses me of sleeping with my neighbor who is gay. He looks at pictures I have sent him and see'sguys arms and condoms on my counter. He calls me every namein thebook you can imagine. Is a known meth user. I know my pickerouter is broken and I made the wrong choice by thinking I could wait it out but the fact is he's getting worse. I already have another child and having this baby just wouldnt be right just based on how abusive he is that at any moment he switches personalities. He wont leave me alone, continues to text, call and even has an app where he puuts in my family and friends number to contact me. I am considering adoption because it wouldbe best for all and this baby doesnt deserve a life with an abusiveman, or boy. One moment he is fine then next he's mad at me. I recently moved and was busy all day cleaning out the house and because I didnt call he said I dont care, or love him andwasnt giving him enough attention, sick right? I know hewill never change but I am worried he wont give up the baby even though it is best. I have spoken to a lawyer and they told me the fact that I have somuch documantaion against him he, or hisfamily have no right and a judge will terminate his parental rights. What does everyone think? Any support or comments are welcome.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2012): Wow! I just skimed through a majority of these and very rude. First off I am 17 weeks and I didn't expect such rude comment. Thank you to you who didnt asume I am some dead, beat dumb ass. For the.one who stated fathers have rights yeah they do if they are decent human beings and are stable.
A
male
reader, Serpico +, writes (10 July 2012):
If he is the father of the child, you're going to have a tough time completely "getting away" from him since now he has a right to see that child for the rest of his life, barring being abusive to the child. As others have said, adoption may be the best route.
That said, having children is the most important decision anyone could ever make, and marriage is the second most important. With that, the amount of thought, research, and consideration that should commensurately go into those decisions cannot be overstated. How anyone could get themselves into such a situation is more than a bit beyond me. Remember - whoever you marry and have children with will be the single most important person in determining your lifes happiness by a country mile. You need to find out if thats the right person for you BEFORE those events take place, not after there is a baby growing in your belly.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2012): Female anon, you say you're not with him and you don't talk to him but that he pesters you with phonecalls etc.
Want to stop that happening? Make an anonymous phone call to cops and get him arrested for possession of meth, also get a barring order against him contacting you.
He has no legal recourse as regards custody, you're the mother your rights will always come first and there's no way a known drug user will get access until he can prove in the long term that he is clean and has a job.
Forget him in your decision, what do you want to do? Would like to have another child? Because if you would then there's no need to send it off to be adopted, I assume abortion is not an option for you otherwise you have said, well what makes you think adoption would be any easier? Either way you lose your child and who's to say what kind of life the child would have with its adoptive parents they could be abusive, become drug addicts themselves or just be assholes, or your kid may end up not adopted and raised in care.
If I were in your position even though abortion is fine with me I would keep the child but I would spend the next few months before it's born completely removing the ex from the situation. I'd happily rat him out to the cops on drugs charges, I would get barring orders and I'd also get an agreement in place that I will waiver all rights to child support from him if he waivers all rights to custody or visitation of the child, it's that simple and if he wants play hard ball then I'd play hard ball and sue him for all legal costs while stamping a huge bill for child support on his ass, I also wouldn't be afraid to take more action to make his life a complete misery if he didn't comply. I would make his life a living hell until he relented.
You have lots of options OP, so first off decide whether you want this baby or not. That's the most important decision here and it's one only you can decide.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2012): Hi, I am sorry for your situation. This choice is truly yours to make. He is not going to change. I am concerned for your safety. It is good that you spoke to an attorney. You could put a restraining order or No Contact order on him for the stalking he seems to be doing.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2012): bondgirl72 has got it right. plus, have you considered abortion? it sounds as though you are not far gone, it would be easier in a lot of ways than giving birth then deciding on adoption or keeping it with all the drama attached. he will not be there for you, thats a definite Im afraid. good luck, anyone can make 1 mistake and choose the wrong perosn
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2012): No! I am not with him and i have been to my doctor since day one, the baby is fine. I have blocked him and like i said uses other means to call, or text. I dont think i stated any where i talked him but thanks. I think this post was a bad idea.
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A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (10 July 2012):
 I have so many questions I am not sure where to start.
First, are you married to this man? If no, why are you continuing to answer his calls and texts? The first rule of thumb for getting out of an abusive relationship is to maintain no contact. You block his texts, you block his calls, you block his emails, you block everything. If calls, texts, and emails still get through, you don't answer them. He controls you by getting responses from you. Don't communicate with him. Tell your family to block him. I don't care how many apps he has. If he comes to your home, you do not answer the door and you call the police.
Second, was he on meth when you conceived the baby? If yes, you need to go to the doctor or go to a free women's health clinic immediately to see if there could be any health complications for you and the baby. The baby's life may be in danger already due to your poor choices. Only after you have done this can YOU decide on what you are going to do.
Third, are you seriously considering staying with this guy? You said the baby doesn't deserve to be around an abusive man. What about you? Don't you deserve better? The fact that you said this really concerns me. YOU need to get out of this situation. Even if you have to go to a women's shelter or stay with family or friends. You cannot trust someone who abuses drugs to change. You won't have any problem with him "giving up the baby". You think he is going to take you to court to fight for a baby??? He's addictive to meth. He'd rather spend the money on drugs.
Personally, I think you should get your act and thoughts together and stop being his victim. You decide what you should do for the baby. You decide what you should do for yourself. Even if you would go to court, no judge is going to give a baby to a drug addicted abusive father. Get out of this situation so that you can have a good life and give your children or child a good life also. There is a lot of help out there for people who need it...you just have to ask. But don't settle for this.
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A
female
reader, MissTellAll +, writes (10 July 2012):
 You need to get away from him. If he knows where you live, change that. Block his phone number, email, facebook, everything. He does not sound stable whatsoever amd not the place you want a child. If he doesn't know about the child right now keep it that way. Putting the baby up for adoption seems like the smartest thing to do. Look into adoption agencies immediately.
Honestly I wish I could say more other than that but it's very simple in the end: get away from him.
Good luck to you and the baby.
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