A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:so im 19 years old and just recently broke up with my boyfriend after being with him for 2 years, we were madly in love aand i still care so deeply about him, but i broke up with him because all we ever did was fight and argue about everything. i thought i was doing the best thing for my selfe, but i just recently found out that i am pregnant and i told my ex and he told me that he doesnt want anything to do with the baby and i dont know what do cause im still so young.i dont think im ready to raise a baby without a father and i dont have a job.the only problem is that when i was 14 years old i found out i cant have children due to medical problems inherited by my mum and she managed to concieve and give birth to me was was never able to have anymore i was a miracle baby so im scared that this might be my only chance to ever have kids and i dont know what to do please give me some advive on what i shall do
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female
reader, angelDlite  +, writes (5 April 2011):
 hi
ALL babies are miracles :) i know you are scared and this feels really daunting for you but it is NOT impossible to bring up a child without a father. lots of women do it, i have done it and i myself was brought up without a dad and i turned out ok (sort of!)
it is not easy, i won't lie to you, do you have family and friends that will help you? life DOESN'T end just because you have a child, that depends on YOU though and how you choose to live your life. the baby stage and toddler stage is the toughest i think but then you look back and kind of miss it in a way! children can bring a lot of love and happiness into your life, its not all negative.
i am not trying to guilt you into having this baby, i am not anti-abortion per se. in fact when i was 19 i had a termination myself, for the same reason as you are feeling right now - completely terrified and thought my life would be over, the guy was a dead-beat (he actually wanted me to have the baby though) there is not a single day goes by that i don't regret my choice back then, not helped by the fact that my sister got pregnant very soon afterwards, had her baby and i have now watched her daughter grow into a beautiful, intelligent young lady, which just makes the empty space where my child should be all the more obvious :(
this may or may not be your only chance to conceive, who knows? you may get lucky in the future when you try to get pregnant but if you can't i would imagine you are going to feel such anguish over your missed chance.
would you have felt happy to have the baby if your boyfriend had stayed with you? you two may have split up at any time in the future, there is NEVER a guarantee with ANYONE
best wishes xx
A
female
reader, Luv2giveadvice +, writes (5 April 2011):
Have you tried speaking to him about being there
for his baby, even if it means you are not back together,
or maybe you can try give the relationship another chance
now that you have a good reason to be happy both of you?
Try to be friends before anything, he will always be
the baby's father.
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A
female
reader, person12345  +, writes (5 April 2011):
 You should talk to a doctor to find out what your options are. For instance, was this really a complete "miracle" or will you be able to conceive again? If the latter, it might be a good idea to talk to your doctor about other options, such as abortion or adoption.
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A
male
reader, honestman  +, writes (5 April 2011):
Is there any way you can get support from the government? At least in UK I think some woman get government money for their kids.This is a very difficult decision, and I think you should talk with your mom/dad about it, and decide what to do.Having a kid and no job is kind of hard, and also not going to college because of the kid is also not good for your future.On the other, this kid is like a miracle, and you don't know if you'll ever have a chance to have a baby.Don't give importance to my opinion, I'm just a 26 years old man. But I think you should keep the baby, but you first need to talk to your parents, and ask them if they are able to support you. I know your mother will be understanding the importance of keeping the baby for you, and also for her [She will be a grandma!].Also, since it is your body, it IS your decision to keep the baby. Yes, it will be hard to rise it without a father, but at least, you can ask for some child support from the biological father [I don't know about those laws in Australia].Whatever decision you take, it IS the right choice. Keep always that in mind.
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A
female
reader, peace143 +, writes (5 April 2011):
this is hard...... i have 3 babies. without the dad, its going to feel like your life is over. and it will be. you are going to be the only one to take care of baby.. if you will regret not having the baby it will haunt you. but you are young and the dad told you that... if you feel you will make it no matter what, then keep the baby and be the best mommy possible... theres men out there that will love you with a child. life throws situations at you, learn the most you can.. its scary with the 1st. child. your new to everything... but its what life is about... sorry he's a f----- idiot. you didnt do this to yourself. take him to court and they will make him pay for the baby. even take money out of his checks. they dont like died beats dads. you will be ok.... peace and love
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